accepting life has changed forever

When I had my second stroke my Husband told me I'd ruined his life. I had a blinding moment of clarity and made up my mind to recover as best I could and dump his sorry arse at the earliest opportunity. My strokes weren't caused by my lifestyle so nothing could have prevented them. I've now had 3 strokes that I'm aware of and about 30 that went unnoticed by me but show up on Mri's. It was my high level of fitness that protected me. I have an auto-immune condition and that was the cause except I was completely unaware of the condition. I can sympathise with how much your life has been affected by something you had no control over though. I'm guessing your husband was not as fortunate as me and has been left severely affected by his stroke. I don't think you need a kicking and no one can blame you for struggling with your new found situation. It doesn't have to be all doom and gloom though, you are in control of how you move forward, the ball is in your court. You don't say much about your Husbands situation, can he communicate with you at all. You say you can't get him in a car, what about a wheelchair? You can get hoists put in a car if that would make life easier. Are you getting all the help you need from adult social care?

I think that you have got "a grip" Canarygirl, even though you've had so much on your plate....but then along comes Covid, and we all have our breaking point !

Your needs are currently below the bottom of the pile. So, as others have said, you should try hard to get some help so that you can have a necessary but regular break. Your DH is not going to resent that and you would come back brighter, lighter and stronger in spirits if you could organise a change in your routine from time to time.

Do you have any family who could spare a few hours now and again? What about friends or a friend of your Husband. Your DH could also benefit greatly from a change of scene in that he can be in the company of someone else, which might brighten his day as well. If all else fails, talk to your Doctor or someone involved in your DH's care and explain how you feel. Even in these difficult times, there should be a way to give you a break. You're doing a wonderful thing - but for both your sakes, don't stop looking for a bit of light in this darkness. Hope you feel a bit more positive again very soon.

Canarygirl of course you feel down, we all do at the moment and a lot have added health worries on top. I would be in a similar position as I don't drive and rely on DH for support. Any family/friends nearby who could give you a break?

My sympathies Canarygirl1 as I have had brief spells being DHs carer following a bypass and two hip ops but at least he got better and life got back to normal.

Is there someone you could ask to ‘babysit’ for a couple of hours while you have a break?

thanks for kind words. I can drive but cant leave husband for any time and would never be able to get him in a car so brilliant idea i just cant make it work sadly.

ps..can you drive? Get another car!...if not....
could you learn to drive? ??

Oh hugs...flowers and love from me also...x

I don’t think you need a kicking, Canarygirl. Those sound like challenging circumstances and you’re doing your best.

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had ups and downs through these past months, no matter how seemingly easy a life they have.

Give yourself a break and maybe give yourself a treat or two as well.

oops

Well rather than give you "a kick up the rear" and tell you "to get a grip" I've decided to send you a BIG (((hug))) and some flowers.

Being you H's carer cannot be easy and there's nothing selfish in giving vent to your feelings and what better place to do that than here on GN.