I am so angry need to vent my spleen about dh

No. Let him do it himself.
Time to stand up for yourself. I often hear DH say that I’m interrupting him on the phone when I’m explaining that I know something that he doesn’t, similar to you getting the email and your DH not realising.
So I stopped, if he doesn’t need my help ( he obviously doesn’t, he has just retired from owning a very successful company) then I’m not going to give it.
I refuse to be treated like his secretary ( not that he’s had one for years )

It's tempting to advise you not to do the order and then later just make dinner for yourself but that would probably lead to more trouble.

It could be a good time to give him his own jobs. Ask which jobs would he like to take over. Mine does the ironing and vacuuming.

Why cant he place his own order? I wouldn't do it for him after that!

If your last sentence is true, then you’re not going to really take advice that’s offered are you? (I know you didn’t ask for advice, but no one should be spoken to / treated in the ways you describe and you know that)

I wait on him hand and foot. Why?

25Avalon, let him do his own order. How disrespectful, not to mention arrogant.

I hate being talked down to by my bloke, who is far less capable than I am. If he wants to do that, he can do it himself (whatever IT is).

Mine is usually very calm, helpful etc but I think lockdown is getting to him. The other day he said to me (as if he was talking to a two year old) 'What do we do when the weather is getting cold? We keep all the doors shut'. I was gobsmacked

He'd be wearing the cheese when it finally arrives if he'd spoken to/about me like that. Seriously? Of course it's offensive, also boorish, puerile and very unpleasant!

Take yourself off and chill with a nice book/mag and a cuppa, or something chilled and sparkling. Switch off and do something you enjoy.

This is obviously not a new thing for you. I kind of get it. My husband and I had a whole conversation yesterday around memory. He’s always had a really good one, mine has been consistently challenging since starting menopause. Lately, he’s worried his isn’t so good. He’s a scientist, so up there with very clever people. I was always a stay at home mum, and very good at all domestic stuff, and still am. He is not! So, this morning, my daughter rang to get info on any car accidents I’ve had, as she wants to add me to her car, on the insurance. There have been two incidents which I remember well, because of association with other things at the time. He couldn’t remember, he kept telling me to shut up, as he was on the phone to her, and eventually, he went to get the paperwork. To be fair, he did need the exact dates, but wouldn’t have had a clue were it not for me. Still love him though! My advice? Tell your husband to sort out his own cheese in the future!?

He would rather starve than get his own dinner and I feel too mean just to get my own. It wouldn’t make any difference anyway. I learnt many years ago that I could beg, plead, cry, or get angry and he still wouldn’t respond. When he was working it was always that he provided the money. When my disabled son was alive it wasn’t so bad as we (ds and I) had a lot of fun.

5 years ago I was going to leave but then DH had open heart surgery and for 3 months needed solid looking after. What little he did dwindled to nothing, not even a cup of tea. Most of the time we truckle along ok. He is a manipulator. I let him manipulate if it suits me but not otherwise. He was a spoilt only son with phobias that were hidden.

If DH spoke to me like that, I would cancel the order and go for a very long walk, probably not returning for a day or two.

But DH never would talk or behave like that so if he started doing it, I would be more likely to make an appointment with the doctor and dementia clinic.

I learnt that it was better to write an interruption on a bit of paper and put it into his hand. That way he could look at it while still holding the conversation with the (obviously more important than me) person on the phone. I do have a bit of sympathy for him, because it is difficult when you have people saying different things into each of your ears, but I've more for you when you were offering useful imformation and dismissed as though you were a demanding child.

Lisagran you are right. I can never stay mad long enough. I find myself cracking and laughing at the absurdity of it. I know I shouldn’t give in. Maybe it’s connected to the fear of rejection I have carried for years.

25Avalon

He would rather starve than get his own dinner and I feel too mean just to get my own. It wouldn’t make any difference anyway. I learnt many years ago that I could beg, plead, cry, or get angry and he still wouldn’t respond. When he was working it was always that he provided the money. When my disabled son was alive it wasn’t so bad as we (ds and I) had a lot of fun.

5 years ago I was going to leave but then DH had open heart surgery and for 3 months needed solid looking after. What little he did dwindled to nothing, not even a cup of tea. Most of the time we truckle along ok. He is a manipulator. I let him manipulate if it suits me but not otherwise. He was a spoilt only son with phobias that were hidden.

I don’t know how old you are*25Avalon*, but that’s not a life I’d like to be living at any age. Maybe use this latest incident to really reassess your life? Good luck. You sound a kind and loving person - but very put upon!

Why do some ladies still put up with such boorish behaviour! It can’t be through love surely? Any behaviour like that and I would be out the door - not that I would have married someone like that anyway.

I’m sad to hear that Avalon. I thought it was just banter. I’ve known people like you two, but underneath, love each other very much. If this isn’t the case with you, could you think about leaving now if you’re so unhappy? How did you plan to do it before? I know 5 years is a long time when you’re older. The difference between being well, and then not well perhaps. You don’t need to ‘ truckle along ‘ any more do you? Do you have friends/ family for support? Maybe a group you could join. Our yellow pages seems to have a group for any type of problem. I wish you well?

It’s funny how some husbands can find just the right thing to make you see red. I’m long divorced but mine used to say “you’re just like your mother”.
It was not a compliment believe me and it always made me want to scream and throw things (I never did)

I’m sure wives do the same though...

I was hot tempered so H learnt to err on the side of caution

I can tell you that if my husband ever told me to "stop squawking" he would become my ex-husband, how terribly rude of him to speak to you like that

You need this...

I think many couples are getting on each others' nerves at the moment. Many of us have been shut in together since March and face the prospect of perhaps another six months of this. I'd say forgive and forget in most cases. Where's the sense in spending the rest of this Covid time in a state of war? When it's all over you can either start afresh or go for divorce.

I am also amazed that some women just put up with this sort of rude, disrespectful, nasty behaviour in actions and words...year in, year out.

I would not tolerate being scorned and demeaned like this. Almost daily I am so glad I am independent and free from any sort of distress from a rude, churlish partner.

I can say that my exH was a gentleman.

I do wonder what a man like Mr Avalon, who is used to being waited on hand and foot, would have done if Avalon had had the misfortune to be the one who had the open heart surgery and not him. Would he have waited on you, Avalon? If the answer is no perhaps its time to do something about it.

Hell would freeze over before I'd order his cheese ever again.

He ordered the cheese himself. Wanted a bowl to pick the tomatoes in so I told him there was one in the kitchen. He refused to get it so no tomatoes apart from hoardes I already have. Can’t talk to him. Won’t listen. If I was incapacitated he would manage but it would be the bare minimum.