Husband won't accept 'charity'

You could get lots of details of retirement flats with no garden at all and suggest you move as you simply can’t cope.

Do apply everyone here’s been very helpful but also point out if you fall or trip you could do irreparable physical harm to yourself resulting in needing to go into a home.

And hopefully you have the blue badge I just applied for an elderly friend who was reticent and now can’t believe the difference it’s made to her life. Good luck

Also it is very difficult to judge another person’s level of disability unless you know them very well and see them 24/7. Much disability is invisible. Of course your judgement may be fair enough but it may be completely false. And encouraging this sort of communal judgement deters many genuine people from claiming the help they need. It could be you one day.

I thought AA was for personal care and other essentials. I think you need to pay for your own gardener or ask family to help you until you're both fit or move to a property with a more manageable garden. I don't think British taxpayers should pay for you to have a nice garden.

I could hardly walk over lockdown as my knee replacement seized up as I couldn't go to my regular swimming sessions to help with flexibility and I also pulled a muscle in my hip which was very painful. Guess what, I still attended to my very large garden by sitting on the lawn and shuffling along. I wouldn't have dreamt that I should try and claim a benefit for this.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Please do apply yourself but get help from CAB or Age UK as others have advised. I heard of a millionaire who applied and if he had qualified it would have been awarded.

I have been trying to persuade my auntie to apply for this. My uncle is a total bully and says he doesn’t want anyone poking and prying into their finances, even though I’ve told him it’s not income dependent! My dad says he thinks my uncle doesn’t want her to apply for it as he wouldn’t be able to moan anymore about how hard done by they are (while the rest of the world get “everything going”)! I think you should go for it, you deserve it! Then enjoy spending it how you see fit to improve your health and comfort.

EllenVannin You were badly advised. I was a volunteer Home Visitor with, what was then, Age Concern for 10 year. almost all my work was filling in AA forms and from the little you say about your condition in your post, you should undoubtedly have got AA and if I had filled in the form I could probably have done it.

The problem with AA is that you need to understand what they are looking for, and that is often not obvious. It is all about what, physically, your body can and cannot do, not what the result of that problem is. It is about having arthritis in your hands so that you cannot grasp things, not that as a result pushing a lawn mower and doing the garden is not possible.

Another example, you may still be using a bath because you do not have a shower and be a bit afraid of falling or slipping because getting in and out is difficult - or you may have had a shower installed because you cannot get in and out of a bath. Both those examples count as having difficulty with having a bath or shower, because the shower is a solution to a physical problem you have, the problem is still there.

With TIAs, if you have one, you may have another and if you fall you may not be able to get up unaided. So in theory you need someone with you all the time in case this happens. Of course, if you live alone this is impractical and probably unwanted, but it indicates a vulnerability you have - and a personal alarm is again a solution to a problem, and does not mean the problem is no longer there.

Once you have the money you can spend it how you like. One client I had used some of it to place small bets on the horses. He had worked his whole life in the racing industry
He now had severe arthritis and lived alone in one room of his house and rarely left the house. On Saturday afternoon a neighbour came round who shared his interest in horse racing, they would discuss the racing and the neighbour went out and laid a few bets for him when he laid his own and at the end of the afternoon would come in again and discuss how things went and (hopefully) pay him his winnings. That did more for his mental health than anything else.

My OH had high rate AA when he was living at home. It was spent on a cleaner; and a carer to come in while I went to choir. It was invaluable.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202010/medium-625530-win-20200915-17-14-25-scan.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202010/medium-345342-win-20200719-17-18-27-pro.jpg

quizqueen thanks - you understand. I know you're gently chiding me for asking someone else to do it for me, but I have crawled along the lawn on my hands and knees to attend to the weeks. Sadly you can't dig any deep weeds out from this position, especially with a back problem.
I really do not want someone else messing with my garden, but its HUGE and I haven't got round it once this year, yet. And now its started raining up here (Cumbria) I'm never going to get it put to bed.
I need help, there's also a lot of lawn.
The photos don't show the full extent but they're all I have on this computer.
If I had the spare cash I'd gladly pay for a one-off visit just to get tidy for winter.

I wouldn't discuss this any more with him, but go ahead and apply for the allowance.

If you can get someone to do the garden, pay them out of the allowance and if your husband asks where the money came from tell him truthfully, adding. "You weren't going to do the gardening, were you?"

I agree. Just go ahead and apply for it. You need help. You'll just make things worse for yourself and ultimately your DH by being a martyr and trying to carry on regardless. Don't hurt yourself for the good of your soul or other daft reasons of pride.

Please make the claim it will make life easier for you and you wont feel like you need to try to do things yourself. I help people with forms like this for my job and it is fairly straightforward. AA is to help with things that you cannot do yourself and may open the door to claiming other benefits that you are entitled to such as Pension Credit, Housing Benefit and Council Tax reduction. Some Councils do have Welfare benefit advisers and Citizens Advice can also help or will signpost you to someone who can. Definitely do it.

The reason these grants exist is because successive governments have very sensibly realised that we have an aging population with just such problems. You have paid in all your lives and are entitled to this in exactly the same way as your pension. It might be worth pointing out that he may well at some point have similar issues to yours and that you will be able to do so. If care of your garden is a real headache for you then apply for yourself. As for causing conflict, he is the one who has caused it by taking this position. Also try pointing out that you would be providing an honest income to someone for their gardening skills who may well need it.

If you look on the DWP website, it clearly states that you do not have to have a carer to qualify.

My husband had Parkinsons and received the higher rate. I was his carer but, the money went towards employing a , gardener and an ironing service. He needed his bed linen changed daily and said he could not bear to see me standing ironing nearly every day when I had been up most of the night with him. Those things are a tremendous help.

As has been said, it is not for him to decide whether you apply for it or not but, I understand your reluctance if it is going to cause friction. I think kittylester’s idea of asking AgeUK is a really good one particularly if it means having someone there to explain and back you up.

Good luck.

You can apply whether your husband likes it or not It's most definitely not charity Get help from AgeUk Cab or some other such organisation to fill the form in though

Neither of you is fit and strong. Regardless of AA, stop 'coping' with the garden. Find someone to do the tasks you find most difficult. If that won't work (either can't afford or just too much garden), time has come to remodel the garden or find somewhere else. Sorry to be blunt, but a garden is supposed to be enjoyed!

Has he worked in his life? Assuming so it is NOT ‘charity’ it’s the insurance policy he - and maybe you too - paid into for many years and are fully entitled to claim. If - heaven forbid - you lost all the contents of your house and you had insurance would he claim then? Unless the answer is ‘no’ he has no argument.

Apply for it. My husband has a respiratory condition and is unable to do very much any more. He was a keen gardener and I'm not, nor do I have the time. We are not wealthy, but not badly off ( retired teacher and nurse). I was desperate to get help with the garden, and would have liked a cleaner but ruled that out becuse of Covid. It was the Specialist Respiratory Nurse who suggested we should apply for it. It is designed for that extra help and everyone is entitled to it. No doubt you paid your taxes and national insurance over the years. I did the application for my husband as he was in hospital at the time and got the benefit in full and backdated to day I phoned to enquire about it. We now have a gardener and it's been a great relief. I haven't employed a cleaner but hope to once it feels safer from Covid risk.
It's not charity.

Would referring to the Attendance Allowance as an “Entitlement” rather than a “Benefit” help?

Everyone may hold their own opinions, and advice is just that, advice. But if you want definitions and precise information, you need to go to the right place, not make it up as you go along. There are several items of mis- information in this thread from time to time.
Here is a link to the government website about Attendance Allowance, to dispel any myths.
www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance
I have already provided a link to the Citizens Advice website which offers a lot of online help to complete the form, and many CA volunteers are, like me, working from home to help people with this and other forms.

Please apply for it, that is exactly what it is for. It is in your own right not your husband's there is no need for him to be involved. Like others have said if you find the form daunting Age UK, social services or CAB if it is open will help you fill it in.
What really riles me is the people who don't need it and put it aside as their "nest egg" without spending a penny on what it is supposed to be for and yes I know quite a few like that, they consider that is their right and it is not.

annodomini

There is no reason why you can't apply for AA in your own right. I suggest that you seek the help of CAB or AgeUK in completing the application as it is very long and complex and often people who try to do it on their own are rejected. Advisers will know what to say and how to say it. In my CAB days I helped plenty of applicants but I hope I never have to do it for myself! By the way, if your spinal damage makes walking difficult for you, have you applied for a blue badge? Waiting for a hip replacement wouldn't qualify your DH for that - unless you're in Scotland!

This is good advice ExD; also, don’t be put off if your application is rejected first time, it seemed to be standard practice when my late mother applied. Appeal any rejection.
Does your OH regard the state pension as ‘charity’?

eazybee

Do you have children? Could they apply on your behalf? I had to do this for my mother because my father was exactly like your husband; 'we can manage', but he certainly could not, and it was my mother who suffered.
If not, you must apply yourself; you have presumably both made contributions through your taxes, and you are entitled to this. It is probably more that he does not want anyone accessing his financial affairs; this was what my father hated.

AA is not means-tested so his finances would not be looked at.

AA is an interesting benefit in that it is about contributing towards the extra costs of being disabled. It’s not about providing an income like the SP or ESA. It was a great step forward when this concept was introduced which also meant it would not be means tested or depend on NI contributions. Those of us who are disabled are well aware of a whole range of extra costs that are directly related to our disability even when we do not qualify for AA. So when I do qualify for AA I’ll apply and what I then do with it is for no one to judge.

I have a friend who has a person come to help with her garden. It was arranged though AgeUK. There is a cost but it is subsidised so not the usual hourly rate. If you do not apply for AA , which I think you should, this might be an alternative.