Foot in mouth moments

I tried to give my DC names which couldn't be shortened but guess what? The nicknames are worse. My Mum called my sister Julie, thinking it couldn't be shortened-she got called Ju at school!

This is a very funny post ! I've done the "when is the baby due ?" only to find that it's already here.
Another one, my husband was in hospital and I was chatting to another woman while we waited to go in to visit. A very overweight woman doctor went by and I remarked that I always wonder what someone eats to get like that, She didn't comment , but next visiting time she was with her sister who was huge.
One fellow Scorpio told me that tactlessness is a trait of our Zodiac sign so that's my excuse.

kircubbin2000

I remember my son telling someone he didn't have a leg to stand on and then realising he actually had an artificial leg!

I witnessed our new receptionist asking a visitor if he needed a hand when he was negotiating the heavy main doors with a pile of files under his arm. She hadn’t realised that he only had one arm.

He replied that he’d love one, if she had one to spare!

Almost a year ago to the day, I was in the supermarket making small talk with another (sixty something) lady while we looked at Halloween pumpkins.

That's when I noticed she wore a short, sparkly jean biker's jacket with tassels, extra long, very busy, crocheted scarf, lizard print leggings, high heel (brass studded) platform boots, big hair and lots of makeup.

I had seen rock stars who dressed that way, so when she was leaving, I commented with all sincerity, "Lovely chat and great costume, by the way!" "Oh no..." she replied cheerfully. I always dress this way. I like to design my own clothes" (Ooops!)

In his boy racer days DH once found he'd been lecturing Jim Clark on how to drive round Brands Hatch. He never did live that one down.

I was meeting a senior colleague for the first time and was asked to wait in her office. There were several lovely photographs of two young boys dotted about, so when she arrived, I asked her if they were her grandsons. It turns out they were her sons. Great start...

Many years ago DH's new boss asked us to their house for dinner. I was a shy, unworldly little thing who struggled when meeting new people. I was attempting to make conversation with the boss's (to me very sophisticated wife).
We got on to the subject of neighbours. I said that the people next door to us were a funny lot. I said 'They eat strange things, like sprout tops'. She replied 'Well we've got sprout tops' today. Please feel free to leave them.' The rest of our time there was excruciating. If course many years later I gave eaten and enjoyed sprout tops'.

My aunt, who had been very downtrodden by her husband, took on a new lease of life after he died.

She hadn't been "allowed" to have short hair whilst he was alive, so she plucked up courage and went into the hairdressers.

She practiced what to say all the way there, then blurted out "I want a cut and blow job" when asked what she wanted.

When we were painting our first home I went into a DIY shop and asked if they sold Durex paint instead of Dulux much to the amusement of the male assistant.

I once said that I hated begonias. The response was, "I had begonias in my wedding bouquet." Whoops.

Years ago I was at a dance class and saw a woman I hadn't seen in a while. After exchanging a few niceties and that it was good to see her again. I also asked when her baby was due. (She was large).

She replied that she wasn't pregnant and that she was in kidney failure. Oops!

We never saw her at the dance class again. ?

Once said to a young man larking about in my office
"young man behave yourself otherwise I will kick your crutch"
he had fallen and broken his ankle and on crutches

A new acquaintance once said to me, "Oh, you're not a bit like your sister are you? She's really nice!"

Ouch!

One of my favourite sayings - 'engage brain, open mouth' but I never remember it in time to avoid the foot in mouth moments!!

I have put my foot in my mouth many times although because it can be embarrassing I try to keep my moth shut a bit more.

One most embarrassing time was when a friend of my daughters was coming for a meal. The GC had been told that he had a damaged leg and now wore a false leg that the doctor had given him. The children were told "Do not say anything about his leg"

Everything was going smoothly until 6 year old tripped on his foot and then asked him "Did your false leg feel that? now the doctor has taken your other leg away. He found it comical and could not stop laughing, my daughter was most embarrassed.

What a funny thread!!! Laughing ? so hard on this miserable day!! I love Gransnet!!!!

There was a lady who I talked to at a mother & toddler group, I hadn’t seen her for ages as she had moved to another village, and I bumped into her in shopping Safeway. We had a lovely chat and I exclaimed “oh congratulations I didn’t know you were having another baby,when are you due?” (looking at her big tummy) and she says “I’m not pregnant”. I wished the floor would open and swallow me up! I have sworn from that day never ever ever to ask that again, and keep my big mouth shut, unless I know for definite they are expecting.

@LauraNorder. I’ve done that . Still haunts me.

If only I could get my foot in my mouth - well, near it. at least!

Mu grandmother was christened Kate - and hated it, all her life had people to call her Kitty. I was named Kathryn, but no-one spelt it right, so when I entered 6th form, which few of my friends did, decided that I was going to be called Kate. Grandma then decided that she liked it on me, and when she moved house told everyone her name was Kate!

At lunch with distant family, I went on about how much I hated Botox, fillers, trout pouts, etc and how odd some people look with their fat faces, enormous lips, bulging foreheads, etc. There was silence at the table and on looking round I realised that someone who I thought had put on a lot of weight had actually had some kind of treatment!! Oops!

I cant remember if I have said anything embarrassing, but many years ago when I worked in a hospital a young doctor came up to me and patted my stomach. He then asked "When is it due?" I said I was not pregnant. You should have seen his face!

I met a jolly person who I had not seen for a couple of years. We chatted about our lives and children. I then to ask after her husband. 'How's Ted' I said. 'Dead' she said. I was mortified (OK, a slip of the pen), then she roared with laughter. I don't think it had been a wonderful marriage so I felt a bit better.

My sister-in-law's daughter was addicted to Big Brother. She asked my wife if she watched it. My wife said that it was lowest common denominator television. Her niece said: "Lowest common what?" My wife explained that it was a metaphor taken from mathematics. The lowest common denominator being the lowest common multiple of the denominators of several vulgar fractions. Her niece replied. "It ain't that vulgar."

My usual blooper is in church, trying to make someone I don't recognise feel welcome, I ask if it's their first time, only to find they've been coming for about 10 years!! I keep my mouth shut now