Foot in mouth moments

When DD1 started school - I was asked to go for coffee at another Mum’s house. New to the area, I explained I’d go after I’d seen to the window cleaner - a useless chap, who didn’t appear to use water, used filthy rags and thought I lived on a boat as he only cleaned a circle of glass!
Obviously he turned out to be her Dad!

Made the coffee date and was surprised when her cleaner took over the kitchen and proceeded to make a coffee and help herself to a mound of biscuits. Cue me making ‘badly chosen’ comments and you’ve probably guessed that the cleaner was her Mum!

We’ve been friends for 38 years.

Hmm I'm an expert at foot in.mouth.

Just a funny situation. An American friend arrived at the hospital in an advanced stage of labour knowing very little French. The doctor asked her, when was the last time she had had a rapport with her husband. She gaily replied, ‘in the car on the way here.‘ Being in a medical situation they used their shortened vocabulary, rapport sexuel.

Just arriving in autumn in a new country, France, I was not aware of their customs. I bought a lovely large pot of yellow Chrysanthemums for ex’s sick aunt to give to her. I found out later it is the flowers that the French people put on graves on 1st November every year. One of heaps of mistakes

A few years ago I went to a bridge drive with a male partner. Hubby didn't play. We were paired with a couple we both knew from way back and when I went up to get supper they whispered to him, what happened her husband?Presumed we were a couple.

My first time in a new church a good few years ago now and an old gentleman got up to pray. He took ages, going on and on.
Walking home after the service with someone from the church who was going my way I happened to remark how the old gentleman seemed to like the sound of his own voice and how he droned on for ages. You’ve guessed, he was her father!

I've a Katie granddaughter. Lovely name - and girl!

Petra and Kathryn

I know a lovely Kathryn ( always called Katy or Kate)
One of my favourite people.

Apologies to all those with a daughter called Katy or Katie!

As I said, I was mortified.

I know some lovely Katies (although some are Katharine, Katherine, Catherine or Kathleen) and I do like the name.

I was talking to a good friend about how I find people of a certain name can be very difficult. She then told me that her real name was that one!

And another ?
Some ‘travellers’, (that we used to call gypsies,)called asking for any spare children’s clothes, so I said to call back later I’d get a few bags ready. They came by car,and skidded on my gravel. The passenger came to the door, and I said “ good skid! Tell your daughter she’s a tinker!” ???

Was shopping for bunk beds, the shop had pine furniture in the windows,and a sign that said that read “more furniture erected inside”..........
I went in and asked if I could see some more erections!! ???

Rosina!!
I once marched into a garage service department and said 'I'm looking for a screw'. (I'd lost one from the roof rack) There was silence.

I am another with a Katie ....p

Quizzer
I can go one better than that. Sorting in a charity shop I pulled out a coat covered in dog hairs.
Me: what dirty B donates this shite. You've guessed. The woman working with me.

Many years ago, when I got divorced from my first husband, I joined a really good local social group. We used to meet in a lovely old pub in a nearby town and there was an unwritten rule that if you were there and you saw possible newbies looking lost, you would approach and try to make them feel more comfortable.

Picture the scene, then. Me, spotting a chap lurking near the doorway and accosting him with "Hello dear, are you looking for Company?" Which of course was the name of the group .... but I was never allowed to forget the night I might have been had up for soliciting!

Callistamon
My daughters friends get a withering look when they shorten my Kathryn's name. And I don't mean Katy.

Juliet27

I once said to a man who had a little girl on his shoulders 'you're so lucky having your granddaughter in the same country'...then I heard her say 'daddy?' ?

You never know, the kittle girl may have been kike my son. Hes an adult now but I still answer to Mum, Grandma, my name or even Daddy...

A friend turned up with a friend of hers, her husband and baby. I was introduced to the couple and said what a lovely little boy, he looks a real bruiser. It was a girl.

I look back on some of the things I have said, and still cringe. I cannot believe that I said cheerfully to the window cleaner, in front of several neighbours, 'You've got a little willy, haven't you?' The silence was deafening. Some weeks earlier we had been discussing our cats, he asked the name of our cat and then told me he had a cat called Little Willy. He wasn't joking - he was dour and had no sense of humour at all and for that reason I thought nothing of it. Trying to explain that to the neighbours, who must have thought I was privy to the window cleaners - well - privates - still makes me go hot, and it was about forty years ago!

I was once at a party when my husband had had to go to another meeting. I met another friend alone and said "Oh, has your husband left you too!" He had!

At Church one Sunday morning, a lady I knew vaguely for 20+ years, asked me how long I had been attending, I said 20+ years, she looked at me then said in a very snotty voice, oh yes you make the the tea and do all the kitchen stuff.
I just looked at her, speechless, I had just taken the Service!!!

Annaram1

I cant remember if I have said anything embarrassing, but many years ago when I worked in a hospital a young doctor came up to me and patted my stomach. He then asked "When is it due?" I said I was not pregnant. You should have seen his face!

I did that with a work colleague. She wasn't pregnant either. She did lose some weight though...

Where I used to work, one lady used to wear very heavy make up, especially eye make up. She was off work for a few weeks after being slightly injured in a car accident.
Another colleague, who was not known for her tact, said to this lady on her return to the office 'I'm so glad you're back. How are you?'' The lady said she was OK now and had just a slight problem with her back. The colleague replied 'Oh that's not too bad then and your black eyes will soon heal'. The lady said 'i didn't have black eyes'

Many years ago I was talking to a service user who had been visited in my absence by a chatty colleague. Yes, I said X wil talk... the hind leg off a donkey. That's right, the service user had a glass eye. I felt terrible but the conversation carried as normal.