The Argy Bargy Bar...the lease has been secured!

I spent the weekend with Sergeant Donga and all I got was a bag of soggy chips. Doodle was right about his Donga.

Haha AGA I believe I warned you about him!
Sorry to have been AWOL this week from the bar, but it’s been an eventful week ( say no more, wink wink.)
No time to arrange an event Nite for today, so the usual today, bingo, karaoke and a raffle.
Thinking caps on for next week’s Friday Nite Spectacular.
While I’m here ( and almost lunchtime) will have a quick pint
Of Goblin’s Socks ( dark and feisty) and will mosey along to the kitchen to see what Laura is prepping.

Am I too late to suggest a farmers night.
We could dress as scarecrows, arrive on tractors, eat rat pie fresh from the barns.
Ooh arrr, we could even lace the poteen with cider and chicken feathers

Laura I’m up for farmers night. We could get the Wurzels to play for some cider.
I imagine that Lisa in her usual style will be the farmers daughter (tarty piece that she is)
Nudge, nudge, wink, wink indeed lemon surprised you’ve made it back.
I’m up for bingo tonight.
Laura can we have chicken and chips in the basket. And schooners of Sherry. ?

You know, Doodle, I could really take umbrage at you calling me a tarty piece, but truth be told, you’re not wrong

See you later........make mine a large one. I’ll just go and clean the sheep poo off my shepherdess outfit - I’ll pop it in the stew for Laura

Little bo peep your ‘orrible sheep
Have dropped some dung in the stew
I drained off the poo
Told them to shoo
And now it tastes like new

Hope you’ve booked the Wurzels Doodle.
Better lock the llamas up so they don’t fight with the sheep or we’ll upset Farmer Geddon

Can I suggest that Laura makes a farmers lunch as she hasn't had time to do much cooking. Like a ploughman's but Argy style.
Talking of ploughmen I will invite a few of the better looking ones. There is one who looks like Worzel Gummidge but I won't ask him. He will come anyway.
There is plenty of special poteen brewed as Thor and I were busy earlier.

Bingo caller better be careful with 22
Might get more than they bargain for

Old McDonald has just dropped a load of bales of hay, is it seating or animal food?

I’m coming as a scarecrow but I won’t get changed until I’ve captured enough crows for my crow wellington.

The ploughmen have scoffed the farmers lunch AGA. They thought all that stuff from your lypo suction was cheese, I didn’t have time to enlighten them, oh well it’s all recycling and they seemed to enjoy it.

Crow wellington sounds good Laura. There is a smelly wellington by the back door. You can use that.
The lypo suction worked wonders. I am down to a size 34 now.
Doodle the llamas have been pining as you haven't been around much. Gnasher went off his food and could only manage 6 pasties, 3 fish suppers and 12 jam doughnuts yesterday. The poor boy is wasting away.

In that case I will wear my best straw hat and dungarees with my trademark white six inch stilettos.My hair looks a bit ratty so will wear a headscarf.
I will bring a load of different cheeses ( all British!) as we over ordered at Christmas, they are only a week out of date, so perfect.
Thor reports that all other barstaff have defected to The Rat Up The Drainpipe down the road, so we need new blood, anyone here recommend a couple of burly good looking blokes?

We need a food hamper for the top raffle prize Laura may I leave that in your capable ( but grubby) hands?

lemon some of those young farmers could take the place of Gloopy and Achilles. They were getting a bit long in the tooth anyway. Must be about 25 now so the Rat pub can have them. They were asking for a rise too which isn't allowed.

New bar staff eh, I do know a tanned and burly chap who used to pull pints at the Members Inn. He is known as Isaiah cos one eye’s higher than the other.

He used to go out with that Spanish barmaid with one tooth. Juanita.

Sounds just the job Laura ( were you ever a scriptwriter on the Carry Ons?)?
Bring him along this evening and we’ll give him the once over.

Working on the hamper Lemon.
So far I have woven a basket from the willow that grows so well in the sheep dip.
Lined the basket with AGA’s old pink silk bloomers. A pot of cabbage jam coloured with gnats blood, looks better than that insipid strawberry stuff the WI offer.
A packet of fig and slug biscuits donated by ixion A bottle of recycled poteen iyswim! Some stilts on cheese, makes you grow taller. I have milked gnasher and put some cream in a mould of one of Lisa’s jugs.
Doodle kindly cleaned under her toenails and donated the contents to add some body to the crows liver pâté.
I would have added an old grey chastity belt I found in the cellar, which I think was left by Lins but we don’t want to hamper anyone’s progress tonight.

Just the once over Lemon. He’ll be disappointed

Who’s doing the bingo tonight. I’ve got my wings flapping and I’m ready. HOUSE!! Ooos sorry got a bit over excited then. Wot’s the prize lemon?
Laura for next weeks’s farmers night I thought you could make some cow pat pies, beef Wellington boots and pigs trotter swill stew. We will make a mint. ?

You and Gnasher can do the calling Doodle

Oops, I thought tonight was farmers night. All that cow pie down the drain, oh well that’s where I scooped it up from in the first place, easy come, easy go.