Lockdown Children.

Unfortunately this has been going on since long before Covid could be blamed.

My daughter’s friend is a primary school teacher she has been talking for years about how shocked she was at the number of children starting school at 5 (5 !) still in nappies with no idea what a knife and fork are for.

Mine went to a local Play School at 3 and not only did they have to be toilet trained, they had to be able to take put their coat and shoes on.

We have certainly gone backwards haven’t we?

Thanks to Riverwalk for linking the new report on the 20% increase during this pandemic, in infants being abused or murdered in the home. Thanks suziewoozie for pointing out the devastating impact of 10 years of austerity on support services for vulnerable children.
I think is Callistemon who asked whether Sure Start (if it hasn't been closed as most have) would have been open during the pandemic. Yes family centres would have remained open for 'vulnerable' children, as schools were. Sadly, the majority of those children identified as vulnerable/having a safeguarding plan etc live in families where drug/alcohol abuse/domestic abuse are prevalent. The needs of children can't be met consistently by parents who are dependent on substances.

The other thing that's often forgotten is that when most of us were children, many people with learning difficulties lived in institutions, or were sterilised. Now, quite rightly, they live in the community. Those families need a lot of support.

I have no evidence for this but, I imagine the children regressing are largely drawn from the 'vulnerable' group. Rather than being the children of competent working parents. I appreciate the pressure of working from home with two or three children away from school.

Society has gone backwards in many ways. Many parents today rely on outside agencies such as nurseries, to teach their children basic skills.
We live in a society now where one wage is not enough to sustain a family, so most mothers work. (Many want to, of course). They don't have the time, and sometimes not the inclination, to concentrate on children's upbringing. It's no surprise then, that children arrive at school unequipped to eat with cutlery, or still in nappies.
Not everything used to be better, but many things were.

The points bring made about the inadequate base we entered the pandemic from as it affects children, is also true of other fault lines - our low number of ICU beds, NHS staff shortages, poorly funded/ profit driven residential care and Public Health Departments, shortage of laboratory testing facilities, low levels of SSP and UC for starters. We were in a sorry state across the piste at the beginning of the pandemic and trying to pretend it’s nothing to do with austerity is sheer nonsence.

What occurs to me is that surely many of these children went to nursery. Do nurseries not encourage potty training and using cutlery? Many children get places in nursery because there is a social need recognised.

MOnica, the news reports say these children were toilet trained and using cutlery but lost those skills when out of school during lock down. Some of the children are said to have lost social skills and now sit or play alone.
Its worrying.

But surely if potty training is securely established, no parent is going to be daft enough to keep putting nappies on them and all that entails rather than letting them continue to use the loo.

I can understand cutlery skills being lost, but back into nappies?

Austerity has nothing to do with children regressing on potty training, eating habits and speech and language, but everything to do with lack of parental attention.

Most of these parents would be at home full time, and I cannot see nurses and key workers allowing their children to behave like this.
Look to the parents and stop blaming everyone else.

I kept an eye on my girls cutlery skills when we ate together. (Every day)
I wasn't about to let them slip, having made her life a misery taught her in the first place. The same for using the toilet.

I left teaching in 2006. We had a proper dining room in our primary school. Many of the dinner ladies had no idea how to lay the tables. The children too in many cases were unused to cutlery. They would spear a whole roast potato on a knife and eat it like a lolly. They did improve after a while , but regressed after a long holiday. My own GDs ,who are now in their teens, often picked up their food with their fingers. Strange really as there father had excellent table manners when he was a child.

eazybee

Austerity has nothing to do with children regressing on potty training, eating habits and speech and language, but everything to do with lack of parental attention.

Most of these parents would be at home full time, and I cannot see nurses and key workers allowing their children to behave like this.
Look to the parents and stop blaming everyone else.

I’m not blaming everyone else RTFT . I’m capable of seeing this as a multifaceted, nuanced issues with deep seated roots. But I do realise that it’s so much easier to simplify it.

They don't forget to do a wee, they do it involuntarily because they are disturbed and upset. It isn't the fault of the parents.

That's so upsetting to think of.

It probably also happens that some parents get annoyed about this, which will make things worse.

Children arrived in my DiL's reception class in September, many wearing nappies and most eating with their fingers etc. She thought it was because Covid had meant that she couldn't liase with the parents as she would normally.

This is clearly a sudden change, as noticed by this experienced teacher, not simply a trend in society.

I'm amazed by all the people on here thinking it's just bad parenting.

I'm afraid I do think it's bad parenting.
There are a myriad of reasons why, as there always is with these kind of issues, but I fail to see that working from home is the main reason.

MissAdventure

I'm afraid I do think it's bad parenting.
There are a myriad of reasons why, as there always is with these kind of issues, but I fail to see that working from home is the main reason.

Poor parenting doesn’t exist in a vacuum does it? The nation’s children are at the bottom line, the nation’s responsibility and we should all care more about the infrastructures that support those who aren’t so perfect as clearly the vast majority of GNers on this thread are.

Yes family centres would have remained open for 'vulnerable' children, as schools were
Thank you for answering that, Iam64 as I wasn't sure.

A lot of young parents may be depressed at the moment in lockdown, may be stuck in a high rise flat, perhaps lost their job and that will mean they are less able to cope with even the normal demands of young children.

However, there was a huge increase in children prior to this who were starting school without having been toilet trained, how to eat properly or how to dress themselves. Sure Start did help parents such as these - but why did they not know these skills anyway? Were they poorly parented themselves?

I do wonder if the not using cutlery could be traced back to baby led weaning . Just putting a variety of foods on the high chair tray and letting them get on with using their hands?

A lot of convenience/modern foods do not need cutlery.....burgers, ribs, tacos, wraps and kebabs etc. How many families actually sit down and eat together nowadays?

I wondered that too and a lot of food today does seem to be finger food.

And I also wonder if modern, comfortable disposable nappies and training pants mean that parents leave toilet training too late. In the far off days of terry towelling nappies, plastic pants and indoor drying in winter it’s no wonder children were toilet trained much earlier, and nurseries and play groups wouldn’t accept three year olds who weren’t reasonably secure.

GrannySomerset
Yes, washing and trying to dry terry nappies was a great spur to toilet train toddlers!

Actually, regression is a normal coping technique in toddlers and preschoolers.

Children have been under a lot of stress due to lockdown - no school or nursery, mum and dad at home more, changes in routines, can't leave the house, masks, etc. Even if mum and dad do their best to shield the children from what's happening, the children will pick up on their parents' stress.

I am not surprised we are seeing regression.

Why are some people uncomfortable when others say that part of the problem is bad parenting. Bad parenting exists, it has always existed and while for some parents it is because of all the the pressures they are under. For many there is no excuse other than laziness and indifference.

Miss Adventure, my reading of this thread isn't that those of us who point to austerity/need for sure start family centres, preventive and support work, are not refusing to accept there are what you call 'bad parents'.

My concern is that neglect, emotional and physical abuse are increasing. Austerity, closure of support services including drug and alcohol services for parents are contributing to the increase. We have 100,000 children in the care of the state in this country. 20 % increase in the death or serious injury of infants by their caregivers in this pandemic period.
This is a national scandal.
We have serious problems in our culture/society. The level of drug and alcohol abuse is shocking. It's culturally acceptable for people to see getting drunk as the normal way to celebrate. We need a government that is brave enough to face up to the impact of the austerity programme and to invest in our children, they are our future

Well, I actually said bad parenting, which is a lot different.

I think a lack of basic skills shows that something is wrong, somewhere.
Again, it could be due to lack of money, lack of motivation, depression, addiction, poor housing, physical illness, and many other reasons, which I'm well aware of, and not in denial about, having faced some of those myself.

Or, conversely, an ex of mine didn't teach his child to use cutlery because he said it was a social construct, which served no real purpose in order to eat nourishing food.

Apologies Miss Adventure, for not quoting you accurately. You're right about the lack of basic skills showing something is wrong. Your list of contributors is correct.
There are no easy or free solutions to this. I believe we need a government that cares, invests in our future. We don't need more working groups, investigations we know what the problems are.

As an ex teacher I’ve been banging on about children’s need to go to school on several threads. Lockdown was hugely damaging for many children, which is why we cannot lock children down again. Toilet training and dummies are the least of the problem. The biggest problem for young children of nursery or primary age, is that school or nursery gives children the ability to develop personally, socially, and emotionally. The proper development of these key areas help children grow up to be emotionally resilient. With growing mental health issues in society, we need children to develop their emotional resilience.
Secondly, children need opportunities to develop physically if they are to grow up strong and healthy. Imagine a child of six years, with no siblings, who lives in a cramped high rise flat with a parent who is depressed/alcoholic/ a drug user ( take your pick.) This parent hadn’t the ability or the inclination to help this child to learn, in any case there’s no computer, only a smart phone, and the parent is unwilling to take the child out to exercise, and in any case the playgrounds were closed. Perhaps the parent isn’t hungry (depression, alcoholism, or drug use all suppress appetite) and so the child just gets whatever he/she can find in the cupboard to eat. This state of affairs was the reality for many children during the first lockdown. Sadly I’m entirely unsurprised that OFSTED have found children’s development to have been impaired by lockdown.