Am I being over sensitive

As usual, I am very late to the discussion. My poor DH often says things that make me cringe. I know for an absolute fact that there is no ill will meant, but he is quite a formal person and struggles with casual social relationships and just can't get the hang of "banter".I suspect he may be slightly autistic. When he tries to be lighthearted it often comes out wrong. We have lost a couple of sets of friends who have taken offense and not given him , or me, a second chance. One pair that we had been close to for years, have totally ghosted us. How fond are you of this couple, especially the wife?. Will you miss her if you break off your friendship?. Give her a chance! Even murderers are allowed a right to a defence and a hearing. Go for that walk. Just the two of you. Hear her out and then decide what to do. Life is too short to be bitter and too long to be lonely. I wish you well. And tell us what happens. Xx

Move on.

I think some older (not necessarily ancient) people catch onto ‘fashionable’ sayings without really knowing what they mean.

Ignore him, and remain friends with his wife.

If you have known them for that amount of time, it was probably meant as just a light hearted joke, you should take it as that i think.

When I read your post I thought the husband might have said it as he has become used to having his wife to himself during lockdown and may not be too keen on usual social activities resuming - which could mean his wife off out and about doing things again.

My husband often puts his foot in his mouth. I'm always saying to him you can't say things like that. His wife probably told him off after you'd gone. If he's said off things like that before I would just ignore it. It sounds like the wife wanted to apologise to you when she phoned to ask to go for a walk.

I would have found it funny, different senses of humour.

Any thoughts on why he might have said it? Ignore him- Merlotgran is right!

Look at it from another point of view. If you were using the phrase " all over us like a rash " about someone, would you be joking? Possibly not.

That remark would certainly have given me pause for thought. To me, it doesn’t sound like a casual remark, it sounds like he was voicing something that had been a subject of discussion in their house.

I think its a clumsy response/greeting by a man who has been reading some type of novel/literature or watching TV soap. during covid and he thought it OK to use the phrase - "yes normally you are over us like a rash" instead of say something like "yes we are used to seeing you more often, we have missed you."

I would have thought he was making a joke! Maybe she suggested a walk because she saw your face and perhaps felt you hadn't seen it that way. Please don't over think this - it's so easy to do. The posts above indicate how we can all take things differently; some would have been offended, others saw it as a throwaway remark. If you brush it off life will easier for all - and if he never does say anything similar again you will know he didn't mean you to take offence.

Sounds like the wife may have been embarrassed by her husband's stupid comment and suggested the walk to apologise or show she does enjoyyour company. If she has been a good pal in the past, maybe go for a walk and see if she says anything. If not, you could bring it up and say you felt hurt and see what she says. I think he probably just thought he was being funny and had heard someone else saying that as a joke. If you were never that close in the past, just be polite when your paths cross. Don't let his insensitive comment stop you, however, from going to events you want to attend in future just because they might be there. Be yourself, but no point making up rude retorts and acting as stupidly as him.

If I had said that and probably wouldnt, I would have said it jokingly as meaning we always meet but because of COVID, not now.
Pleasedont take it to heart I hope it was meant as a joke

Nashville

I would phone the wife and ask how she is. Suggest that you are a bit confused as to whether your friendship is wanted as you think you may have got things wrong. No doubt the wife will reassure you etc etc and then you close with - ‘Well, shall we leave it that you ring me next time.’

Throw ball into other party’s court and wait. If she values you, she will call.

It has happened to me with both results - some friends called and some faded away. Sometimes I feel we are too old for this kind of confusion.

I have a neighbour who has mentioned inviting me for a coffee for the last ten years. When I ask her how she is she tells me in detail all the exciting things she is up to and how busy she is. Never reciprocates by asking me but is entirely unaware - I think she thinks she is a good neighbour. Hey ho. It takes all sorts.

Poor wife, why should she need to get involved in the OP's sensitivity, if anything really needs to be saying it sould be said to the 'offender. Were I his wife I would tell you to take it up with him.

EllanVannin

I'd have laughed ! But that's my sense of humour which can confuse some.

Me too, can't understand why people like to put on an aura of hyper-sensitivity, especially with friends. We often make comments that if people want to feign offence I'm sure they could. I recall once buying something I wasn't sure about and said to a good friend WHat do you think? Her reply was The carrier bag might have looked better! We all laughed (and I took it back) because we're friends and adults.
Is it any wonder that there has been an explosion of 'mental health' problems when so many people are so humourless?

Yes I agree! Husbands sometimes try to be funny and it backfires! She is trying (as some of us do at times!) to smooth things over. Ring her and go for a walk! You will feel better and do will she!

I'm afraid it's the sort of thing I might say to a friend - meant in a joking way and assuming that they will know I'm joking. I would be really upset if I realised someone had taken it to heart and thought I meant it in a negative way.

I would phone the wife and ask how she is. Suggest that you are a bit confused as to whether your friendship is wanted as you think you may have got things wrong. No doubt the wife will reassure you etc etc and then you close with - ‘Well, shall we leave it that you ring me next time.’

Throw ball into other party’s court and wait. If she values you, she will call.

It has happened to me with both results - some friends called and some faded away. Sometimes I feel we are too old for this kind of confusion.

I have a neighbour who has mentioned inviting me for a coffee for the last ten years. When I ask her how she is she tells me in detail all the exciting things she is up to and how busy she is. Never reciprocates by asking me but is entirely unaware - I think she thinks she is a good neighbour. Hey ho. It takes all sorts.

Some people have too much to say and need to think before they say it. I would not have felt right by your friends husbands remark and would probably be taken aback by it. Too many excuses are given for people like that...they should be challenged there and then but frustratingly were not always quick on the mark to do so at the time. Maybe the following days invite from your friend to go for a walk may have been an oppoutunity for her to apologise for her husbands 'big mouth' but, then she could have done that on the Telephone. I have been on the receiving end of a number of comments of late which have upset me... these comments have been made at different times when I have felt my most vulnerabilist..yet I have not dealt with it because I did not want to upset them (stupid I know)!

Like Nightsky 2 just a silly man trying to be witty sadly it's all too common some people men in particular open their mouth without thinking I imagine his wife was embarrassed as well as annoyed with him hence the invite just be glad you dont have to live with him I doubt it's the first time he's embarrassed her

I would feel hurt by that and probably be more cautious with my time with them in future. Perhaps we are just thinned skinned.

My husband occasionally has had an incident of "foot in mouth disease". he thinks he's being funny but all I can do is hope it isn't taken seriously by the recipient. I'd let it wash by. Don't let it ruin a friendship.

In your position, having not commented at the time, I would decide whether I want to continue the friendship. If I did I would go for a walk with wife as she has suggested it, and ask her directly whether either of them or both if them found that you were around them too much pre lockdown, and was that the source of her husbands remark. Then an open and honest conversation in the light of her reply. I would also speak to him, tell him that you had that conversation with his wife, and ask if he wished to add anything. OR I would speak directly to him, without the wife chat first, and go from there! I would include in the conversations that I would like to continue the friendship but if they dont wish to then so be it.

I really try to call rude/offensive people out at the time - most of the time it leaves the offender tongue-tied and embarrassed and they don’t do it again. I know sometimes we can be so shocked we only think of a retort later, very frustrating! ?
I had to do this recently with a real verbal bully who decided it was my turn to be the receiver - I just calmly asked what he meant and pressed him over and over to explain every comment, not a pleasant experience, especially for him but he’s not done it again and now goes out of his way to be pleasant. If I’d left it he would have continued every time he saw me - just like he does to others.
Don’t let it spoil your friendship with his wife, she’s probably as mortified as you! Go for a walk and tell her how you feel about it.