The Christmas that is mine.

Bathsheba you will see that I have posted something similar as Sunnysusie up thread.
If you haven’t had such a mother it is so hard to understand the hidden pressure they put on you.
It is like an unbreakable spiders web that only n tears when they die.
I was brought up from the age of eleven being reminded “after all I did for you”.
You do it for peace and so as not to suffer the fallout and the guilt that you live under if you dare to cross them in any way.

Many of us on here have said we didn’t mourn when their mothers die,we only feel a lightening of spirit and that is so sad.

I have done Christmas for over 40 years since my mother died. I see people complaining about having to follow others traditions and having to travel but at least they don't have to cook!
We don't know what the rules will be yet for this year but, if rules allow, I will have my son and partner here - I've never spent Christmas without him. My youngest is in my bubble, along with his children/my DGC, so he will be here and the children will be here Boxing Day. If rules aren't relaxed, it will be just me and youngest on Xmas Day which would be my smallest ever Christmas.

Merlot gran. Sending hugs. ? ? ?

SunnySusie that sounds hideous. Why on earth did you allow her to do this to you and your family? I would hate to have never had Christmas in my own home when the children were young. People need to be allowed to create their own family traditions - I wonder why some parents can't see this? I find it incredibly sad.

My concern this year is not for me and my family, we will somehow cobble together a day where we keep in touch on Zoom if not in person, but my homeless, or previously homeless, clients will miss out on a Community Christmas Lunch, which is not going ahead this year. The meal will still be delivered by a score of trusty volunteers, but the camaraderie of being all together in a group will be lost. So many of my clients live lonely lives that I look forward, on their behalf, to them having a day where they can socialise together with others and at the moment they are really isolated. I do support the change this year, but it still saddens me.

merlot

For the first 63 years of my life we HAD to go to Mum's for Christmas and stay for at least four nights. Absolutely nothing was allowed as an excuse, not even my advanced pregnancy one year, lack of toilet facilities when their septic tank failed, my family going down with a tummy bug another year and us moving house three days prior. It didnt matter, it was mandatory. My children never spent Christmas day in their own home. When Mum was unable to cope we had to cook a slow pot roast, load it into a box of straw to keep it cooking and drive two hours on Christmas morning to have lunch at Mum's! Everything proceeded according to a ritual which never varied including the whole family watching the Queen's speech and playing Monopoly starting at 7pm as the evening entertainment. When Mum passed away I vowed I was not setting up any new 'traditions' and we have done something different every year since. So far we havent had a Christmas with just the two of us at home and I am more than happy to give it a go in 2020, particularly if we can avoid spending the whole of January in lockdown!

When I was young, Christmas was not celebrated much in Scotland. My dad worked on Christmas day until I was a teenager, consequently there was no traditional Xmas day for us. When I got married we decided we would make our own Christmas tradition. That was mum, dad and the children, enjoyed Christmas day together alone. When my daughters married they also made their own Christmas day as they wished. I am on my own now and have been invited to share Christmas with my youngest daughter and family. I follow there rules and everyone has a lovely day. No problems and no arguments.

Since we are both widowed, my sister and I have spent the last four Christmases and New Years in Egypt, on the shores of the Red Sea.
We decided not to chance travelling this year so, we cancelled back in April and rebooked for next year. My friend, who also lives alone, is planning to come and stay with me over Christmas. We shall both be careful to self-isolate for two weeks before she comes. If allowed, we shall meet my sister for a meal out on Christmas Day and I shall cook a traditional turkey dinner on Boxing Day for the three of us.
Plans for the church services, over the Christmas period, are for a limited congregation and online for the rest of us or, if not allowed, just online.

Would be nice to spend Christmas day with daughter and grandchildren. But I spent Christmas alone before.what's new .I did cry my eyes out .but no one saw me

My younger daughter will be in Spain instead of with us this year. Even if she were allowed to fly we have agreed that travelling is not worth the risk. We will be thinking of ways to celebrate together online, a quiz, maybe charades. Any suggestions welcome!

If I can't see my children and GC this year I will be sad. We always spend time at my DS house and get spoilt. They do not want help and supply us with food and drink all day. DD arrives with her partner and we all play with the GC, all our dogs and generally it is a beautiful madhouse. I would rather spend this Christmas with DH, our dog and cats in the hope that God willing next year we can carry on from where we left off, albeit a little older. We need to get a grip of this virus and just keep our distance. That said, those who unfortunately have a member of the family who will be alone or approaching the end of life they should spend time with them - my heart breaks for them.

No, as long as my mother lived, we had to do it her way.

After her death, Daddy usually came to us and was happy to accept our slightly different way of doing things.

Now we are the elder generation. If our son and DIL come they bring food with them for Christmas Day and the day after.

I make Christmas dinner, which we have on Christmas Eve. I'm not yet ready to give up making my favourite meal of the year.

I also decorate the tree, after DH has put the lights on it - others may help, but I love the job.

This year, I expect we will be DH, the cat and me. That doesn't stop me cooking or decorating a tree.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merlotgran

I have always worked on the principal that Christmas (and New Year) is a season rather than one day. That way you can celebrate with ALL the family just not all at the same time. This year the plans are flexible - we will see what the restrictions and weather are like at the time. Youngest DGD is wishing for snow so that we can all meet in the biggest garden, have a barbecue, have a snowball fight and make snowmen. With this in mind I have bought patio heaters as Christmas presents for each household. If not used on Christmas day, they will still be useful during the rest of the winter and into spring.

I completely respect all the views expressed here. One poster mentioned how lucky she is to have someone at home to spend it with. I echo that wholeheartedly. What I don’t understand is why some people are looking forward to a quiet day at home with good food, tv and internet. You can do this whenever you wish. I’d much rather be with family members and will do that if permitted.

Ah well, my memories of childhood Christmases are of a fairly pared back celebration; sort of slightly souped up Sunday roast plus pressies. So naturally when I became the hostess, I went the whole hog: vast trees, multi course meals, everyone dressed up. Actually, I think the visitors enjoyed it, there was never any shortage of in laws and steps round the table as well as my own flesh & blood.

Nowadays I still make a huge effort food-wise (loads of variety and practically everything made from scratch) but I'm in a smaller house so the decorating is somewhat curtailed. However my new partner's sons and daughter-in-law came for the first time last year, and say they're looking forward to it this year, so hopefully it wasn't too excruciating for them.

I should say that the food bit is mostly about my own greed; having had to go gluten free when I was 50, I find the ready made gf stuff pretty rubbishy, so making my own means I can really enjoy Christmas with all the trimmings.

Beauregard. I'm pleased you cleared that up I was just going to get in touch with social services about a missing baby. I had to laugh at Nanny 27s comment

We avoided extended family as much as possible. Too difficult. We spent all Christmases at home with our four children. Occasionally, my parents or in laws came, but only a handful of times when children were very small. We thought children should be in their own homes on Christmas Day. So with the exception of going to church, which was a shorter service than normal, and lots of fun, we stayed in. The other days we would sometimes visit family, but weren’t really bothered.

shysal

I am looking forward to a day on my own. I shall cook a small piece of ham and buy some nice stinky cheese to eat with homemade bread, also a few other treats. I may not cook a roast dinner at all.
P.S. I have already eaten the contents of my peanut cup advent calendar!

A woman after my own heart! I always have to replace Easter eggs, prudently bought early on but too readily available when only chocolate will do. Enjoy your Christmas.

Me and my dh are lookimg forward to Christmas alone for the first time ever.
No visiting/driving just going for a walk where we see deers grazing then back home for the duration.
CAN`T WAIT.
And answerable to no-one.

My Mum was always very casual about what we did for Christmas. "Come if you want, but don't worry about us, we will enjoy it anyway". It made life so much easier with my boyfriends, their parents, partners and now my husband. No fuss, "you are welcome but what ever you do just have a fun day". My Mum couldn't be doing with 'family squabbles'. I do the same for my sons now and it eases the pressure so much for them especially if their current partner wants to be with her parents. Honestly I would rather they came in January or February for a more relaxed weekend stay, (if and when it is safe to do so). The knack is being laissez-faire about the whole thing while showing you care and would like their company but supporting what ever they choose to do

We stopped doing anything with or for wider family over 20 years ago! Best thing we ever did. Hope you really enjoy this one?

@merlotgran ??