Absence of a thank you for gifts

I’m with you on this, I think it’s down right rude and I’d be very disappointed by the lack of appreciation.

give graciously or don't give at all. no expectations but pleased if I get a response! kindhearted gifts.

It's not so much the expectation of thanks, though. It's the reassurance that a present actually arrived. It wouldn't be difficult for the recipients to ask their relative mothers to pass on their thanks, at the very least.
And incidentally, it's not just a new trend. I religiously sent presents to my 2 nephews throughout their childhood ( in the 60s and 70s) and never once got a thank you or acknowledgment from them, or my brother or sister in law. Have never mentioned it, but it does fester somewhere in my subconscious.

Well, there is no excuse. My neighbours had a new baby one month before March lockdown. Difficult birth, fractious baby and dad needed back on overnights in a row as a Doctor. Mum still offered to pick up shopping for me and of course thanked me for my rather pathetic present!

The poor manners of children from good homes has been an ongoing conversation among my friends since our children left home. One friend drove a van full of privately educated young ladies to the depths of France one year following their A levels for a completely free holiday at her expense. She and her daughter's older brother cooked, shopped and slaved for them, driving them hither and thither for over a week then cleaned the gite and drove all the way back via tunnel to middle of England. Whereupon the young ladies turned their backs on her and went home. Not a word of thanks.

One of my worst experiences was receiving return of my gifts given to my friend's two children. Turns out they weren't prepared to write a thank you note (good old days, eh?) so my friend decided to teach them a lesson. I was seriously unhappy. Never once in my life have I ever given a gift of any size with expectation of thanks. OK when it happens but no big deal. My pleasure is genuinely in the selection and giving. Oh yes. Sounds a bit sanctimonious but that's my poor wordsmithing. I only give to a select few but I do so enjoy it. Long may that continue.

With all the fuss these days when a baby is due eg baby showers, moms to be groups surely a little thought to get some simple thank you cards isn't out of the reach of most. Yes, I think you are being reasonable to be upset. All the daughters' Moms could at least mention receipt of the gift to you.

rowyn
but it does fester somewhere in my subconscious

I know! My niece and nephew, aged around 8 and 10 I think, had their last Christmas gift from me the year I called and was directed to where they were playing. Neither opened their mouths to speak to me. Not one word. I was a Primary School Teacher then and never had any difficulty with a shy or even traumatised child. Indeed I went on to become a Psychologist. This, I can promise you from knowing them all their lives, was spoiled bratism at its height. Rather than fester, something in me made me cut them off beyond polite conversation. One is now an alcoholic and has returned home to live with mummy, the other is the most selfish narcissistic female you could meet!

If I give I’m only ever surprised when I get a Thanks to be honest. I take a lot of pleasure in giving and if posting I will check that it’s arrived no more than that. I’m certainly not looking for any gratitude, maybe I’m just different.

I would be annoyed as well. Of course we take pleasure in giving gifts to friends and family without wanting anything in return. However simple good manners dictate a thank you from the recipient. A text, e-mail message etc are all quick and easy to do.
My grandchildren are grown up now but I would certainly prompt them if I didn't get a response for a gift.

Vickysponge
Agree
A' thank you' in what ever shape or form seems sadly lacking in todays world.

If I didn’t receive a simple thank you it would be the last gift they would receive from me.
Manners cost nothing I was always taught

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Our generation does feel hurt at not receiving thank-you letters, Christmas and birthday cards etc.

If we brought up our children to write thank-you letters, we have good reason to be hurt, if not, we can blame ourselves for their lack of manners.

Assuming that we all did teach good manners to our children, try not to feel hurt. You are only distressing yourself.

Our children's generation feel thank-you letters are a thing of the past. We can't change that, however little we may like it.

Inconsiderate? We think so, but they don't.

In the 1970's we stopped wearing hats and gloves on formal occasions, I quarrelled with my mother because I didn't want to wear stockings at dinner in particularly hot weather, and annoyed her by politely contradicting elderly ladies if I didn't agree with their opinions.

My mother had been brought up to never contradict someone older than herself and had tried to pass this on to me. I found it hypocritical to say, "How right you are." to someone I thought was wrong.

Times change and manners change with them.

lemsip
You're a far better person than I! Or are you? I think that the secret of life is gratitude. That is a whole other subject but here we are talking of a younger generation who have not learned the simple human rule, a norm in all societies, that one shows one's gratitude for a gift. This is taught from the earliest age - indeed we even teach our dogs to say thank you!
I believe that a person who cannot say thank you does not appreciate the kindness of human nature or thinks they are entitled above others to have more than they have. This is something which, left to grow among a generation, will unbalance society and people will not live harmoniously any more.
I heard from a friend 'in the know' how at her school prize giving, when Margaret Thatcher was given a prize by the visiting Speaker, she was the only pupil not to say thank you. On being asked why she was so rude, she said she did not have to say thank you because she had deserved the prize, it was hers anyway! I still cannot understand this kind of mentality. It is an attitude of entitlement which is one of the greatest features of narcissism. Of course you thank a person who gives you something!! Whatever it is, they are politely handing something over to you! This was an important Visitor to her school giving up her time to honour the pupils by coming to their Prize Giving. How dare Thatcher let her school down so dreadfully! Ghastly woman!

I must admit that I do like a little thank-you, even if it's electronic. We can't expect hand written notes these days, unfortunately. You're not being unreasonable; they are being thoughtless.
I have a family member, living abroad, who never acknowledges in any way that she receives/likes my gifts, or even that I exist. But I can't stop sending, due to family harmony.

I bought a lovely little pair of pyjamas which were blue gingham with a small giraffe in the pocket, wrapped it in beautiful paper with a card and sent it by post, thinking (wrongly it would seem) that my nephew & his wife would love it as much as I did as it was for their 18 month old son, I didn't hear one word, if they'd got the pressie or if they liked it. I did ask my brother whose son it is after about six months if they'd received the present and he replied that they had but I shouldn't expect thankyous, its the pleasure of giving. Never again!

If parents don't teach children to say thank you, they will grow into adults who don't bother. Some people are takers and teaching their children to be the same. I still send the gifts in the hope that I am giving freely but it sill feels wrong.

I spent hours crocheting a cot blanket for my cousin’s daughter when she had her first baby, my cousin’s first grandchild. She was the first of our family (of similar ages) to become a granny so that’s why I thought it would be nice to send something. I posted the blanket to my cousin as I didn’t have the daughter’s address, and I never heard a peep off either of them. After a few weeks I eventually emailed to ask if it had arrived ok, and then got a brief ‘thanks’ and a photo of the mother with the blanket behind on the back of a chair. I didn’t send anything else as I thought they were most ungrateful and rude. It wasn’t cheap either, the wool cost me a packet and the postage was expensive too! Well you live and learn, don’t you.

Can I say that I didn’t expect a long letter of thanks or even a thank you card, a simple text message or email to let me know it had got there would have sufficed.

A note it a text saying did you receive my gift? Most young people don't even think to say thank you.its then being ungrateful.I wouldn't do it again

I agree that it is rude not to send a thank you for gifts , even if it is a long time later following a birth , which can be very difficult times.

However , I suspect in many cases the lovingly created homemade baby gifts are not to the taste of the new parents and go straight to the charity shop ....
Before embarking on a project I would personally ask if it was wanted and tailor my efforts accordingly.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say .

I think it’s rude. How hard is writing one thank you note a day in a year? What I do when this happens is I ask the friend if their child got my gift as I was worried it may have gotten lost in the mail. There is no reason for your friend to not know and teach her child the right thing to do. It has worked everytime for me.

I sent my niece £300 last year.
No thank you in any form.
It is the last gift she will ever receive from me.
She is 17.

It really doesn't take a lot of time to say thank you but it does seem to be a dying art nowadays. I've sent vouchers every Christmas to DH's 5 nieces and nephews ( a couple who are now 10/11 yrs old), never recv'd a thank you or even a Christmas card from their parents, don't even know if they've been delivered. Difficult to stop doing it now though after all these years.

I have to say, I give gifts because I want to. I kin as a hobby, and have spent many happy hours knitting 2 ply patterned shawls for new babies. If someone says thanks that's fine if they dont that's fine too. Because I've got plenty time , I understand that people are busy and don't always manage yo say thanks.. No sweat and no stress.

Yes I agree. It is only good manners to thank someone for a present. I never get a thank you from my DIL.