Never thought this sort of thing would bother me - but grandchild prefers other Nan to me.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I know this is hurtful and I am not trying to make it worse, but perhaps you are trying too hard?

Children are sometimes like cats - they prefer the person who doesn't make too much fuss.

Don't try so hard to make her happy.

Please don¨t worry, it is most likely a phase. Continue to do nice things with her, and let it go in at the one ear and out of the other when she says she prefers her other nan.

I think it is important not to comment on that, although I am sure you must feel tempted sometimes.

I remember one time I went to pick my grandson up to fetch him to my house, he must have been about 3 years old. Well I put him in his car seat and he started to cry saying he didn't want to come, I just thought he would be alright in a couple of minutes. Well I was driving out of his street and he broke his heart in the back of the car, sobbing his little heart out, saying I want my daddy. I thought I'll have to take him back home. I said do you want to go home he said yes. I said are you a daddy's boy and he said yes he was, it was sad and funny at the same time. That was 15 years ago, I can't believe he's 18 this year. He was a lovely little boy and still is

I feel for you Kandinsky. Remember little children have no tact. They are learning that skill. We, their elders have to remember they don’t always mean what they say. Don’t appear ruffled or upset with her. Just say that she will see her other Granny soon but today is her turn with you. The less you make of it, the sooner she will move on. Sending you a virtual hug as I know these things can really hurt.

I am all my GC's fave nanna/grandma, wether im their mums mum or their dads mum.(ive had 4sons, 3 daughters, so 9 GC.) I think its my personality really, we seem to 'click' more, and i do fun stuff, or ask what they have preferences for, and take on holidays, etc (pre-covid) i think their other grans are more 'formal'maybe,?i dunno its hard to explain, but i understand it from their point of view. Its always been same, my eldest DD children, when little,and now grown up, are same too. My eldest GD when she was young actually cried when she realised she was going to 'wrong' grans to stay a few days! (Shes 21 now) i swear ive not done anything to 'make' them like/love me more, its just how it is- I'm more easy-going maybe.? I suppose your GC's 'other gran' hasnt done anything either to make herself favourite, so please don't blame her. Maybe you could try being a bit more 'laid back' with them, rather than 'old-school', im not an old gran/nan at 57, with a youngish outlook, so maybe an age thing? ??

Children are so contrary. My husband is desperate for hugs from our three year old grandson and asks him constantly for a hug. Our grandson refuses to hug him and says only granny gets a hug! I never ask!

You might have something there Grandtante- my own youngest child, now 17, his nanna&grandad, are well, always trying a bit too much, to win his affection, and my son, well yes is more like a cat, he only bothers when HE wants to, and is more aloof, than affectionate, and out of the two of them, prefers grandad more, as he doesn't 'crowd' him, but his nanna, well she used to insist on trying to hug him, or get him to give hugs&kisses, but he's not that type of boy, (so she doesn't do it as much now he's older!) But it makes him shy away, rather than like her more- he's not visiting them this xmas, due to covid, and he has underlying health issues, (and they live over 70 miles away) but the relief is so apparent in him and i do feel sorry for her sometimes.But my own GC also are not seeing me and they feel it keenly, as do i.

inishowen, maybe he should stop asking at least for a bit- it drives them away!

I feel for you Kadinsky but i would take it with a pinch of salt sometimes the closer you live geographically makes you favourite or like others have said often if you are maternal gm you are 'closer'.
I think my eldest gc would have me as his fave but as i get him ready for school and pick him up ny constant nagging is knocking me off my perch his brother - different father - i have the favourite position with him as his other poor GM is in a home and has rarely seen him. I do often think that is very sad but its not my fault that her son decided to father a child late in life.
My son's daughters - i'm way down the list i don't think i even figure. One has a very tight knit - suffocating - close family the GM died of a drug overdose so is now a saint and im well below a couple of great nannas who feed her any old junk and let her stay up doing god knows what on Tik Tok! The other one isnt allowed to like me. Her mother GM and GGM try there damndest to stop her being near me. Anyway i just try and treat them all the same. I try to take them out places to open their minds i read them stories and help them with school work. maybe one day, when they are adults with their own GC's they might remember some of the things we did and do them with their own GCs - that's what i try to do. Or maybe they will just think i was always an old witch! We can only try.but i do feel very lucky to have time with them whether they particularly want it or not.

Children can be so childish! Unless she is actually nasty to you just pay it no attention. You and she have more interesting things to do.

I hasten to add, all my GC 'other grans' have never done anything to make them cry at going to visit, nor anything nasty or anything to turn against them for (only my own youngests childs nan just tries to please him too hard really) but still they like who they like..

Nothing you can really do, as she gets older no doubt she’ll be politer. Even adults don’t bond with everyone, some you warm to more. Suppose I’m lucky my Grandchildren all want my attention, in different ways I’ve formed close bonds with them all. I do get down to their level and play games, read etc

my GD once said something when she was younger about me just being her dad's mum,and her Nana being her mum's mum,she must have overheard it being said.But I didn't let it bother me,I'm sure she loves me for who I am.I must admit that I do feel a bit inferior,as Nana looks good for her age,and is better at everything than I am,and a lot more outgoing,but that's just me,I'm sure my GD doesn't think like that.

We have looked after our great grandson once or twice a week since he was 3 months old. when he was a baby he preferred me, he preferred me up until he was about 18 months old then he decided my husband was the most wonderful creature on the planet. he is now almost 3 and it is all Papa this and Papa that and I am just there. he will say no Mama I want Papa, the first thing he says when he walks through our door is Where Papa?
you cant let these things upset you, children go through stages and sometimes the stages last a while. I am sure you know that your granddaughter loves you and it may not be the other nanny she is wanting but nannys house where there maybe something she particularly likes at this time.

The subject probably deserves its own thread/discussion, the psychology behind the haves and the have nots and how some people gravitate towards "the haves" and others "the have nots" rather than interrupting the pattern and treating people as equals-

My 4 year old GD is exactly the same. Her other grandparents were very involved because they're local and very close to my DIL. I really did expect this though because my own children spent far more time with my parents than with my MIL.

I feel embarrassed for my son when he's face timing me, calls out to GD to come and say Hello to grandma & she can't be bothered!
Luckily her younger brother loves face time. Dare I say he's now my favourite ?????

I had to tread carefully with my Mum once I had children, she was very jealous of my mum in law and it was a balancing act a lot of the time. Luckily my children didn't have a 'favourite' Gran, they loved and were loved back by both equally. Sadly they didn't get to know their either Grandfather as both died when my children were still babies, not sure if that made a difference to how they got along with their Grans. I only knew my maternal Grandmother, my paternal Gran died in 1938, many years before I was born and my paternal grandfather died when I was a few months old. My maternal GF had left my Gran some years previously and my Mum had no contact with him afterwards (she was almost 20 when he left them).

Definitely don't compete. Just be real. We all have preferred people don't we? And eventually they learn diplomacy and manners so we notice the preferences of others a bit less. It seems that some parents are a bit slow to teach that though.

Times and feelings change- keep going as you are

I agree with Jaxjacky.
It`s all about getting a reaction,next time she says it tell her that she has hurt your heart and watch her reaction.
My friends gd said the same and did as i suggested,never said it again.

My grandson -aged 4- has always called me his “silly Gran” , which I liked....now due to COVID curves he calls me “enormous Gran”...after the enormous turnip story...not liking this new title I have been motivated , at last to shed the excess pounds...
I play second best to his grandpa...he is defo his favourite...

My grand daughter is 9 and has always spent more time with her other nanny than me, as she lived nearer and is my DIL's mum. My late partner always felt that we were being pushed out as my son and DIL go on holiday with her mum and stepdad, so they got time to spend holidays with her too. In lockdown my GD is in a bubble with her other nanny too, so I havent seen her since August except a couple of zoom calls. I have to be honest and say I have far more in common with my 17 year old grandson than my grand daughter.

I think it is the same for Grans/Granddads sometimes,I am more drawn to my Sons Children, although I would never show it.They get the same type of presents at Birthdays and Christmases and we meet more or less as often.Its how we are I suppose.

I wonder if other granny lets her get away with everything, whereas you teach her right from wrong.

Kandinsky, I feel your pain. I have suffered with this problem for year with my gd. She is my dd's daughter but it has always been obvious that she prefers her Dad's Mum. Other GM lives a couple of hundred miles away whereas I live up the road and have regularly provided childcare (on a weekly basis). I put it down to the difference being that other grandparents have more quality time as they go and stay with them and they are always going out for treats. They also go on holiday with them whereas I deal with day to day stuff. When my gd was about five she actually showed me an Easter present that she had made for Grandma. I was thrilled and then she told me it was for other Grandma not me. It has got much better over the years (gd is now nine) and I have accepted it. The arrival of a second gd who seems to love me to bit and can't cuddle me enough has helped. Also interesting that the second gd is much more like me and my dd in temperament and the older grand-daughter is very much like her Dad. Kandinsky, it's really no reflection on you, so please don't let it get to you. Easier said than done, I know.