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feeling deflated and frumpy

(93 Posts)
travelsafar Fri 04-Dec-20 13:32:33

Went to town this morning and bumped into a lady i havent seen for ages. She looked elegant and stood up right, her thick hair was in place and she worn make up. I came away feeling like a frumpy old woman stooped over my walking stick, my hair frizzy from the damp weather, my eye make barely visable behind my steamed up glasses due to the mask i was wearing. She was shocked to see how much i have deteriorated seen last we met and she told me how arthritis had impacted on her mother's life and she'felt' for me. She also revealed she has been taking HRT for years and she swears that is what is making the difference to her. Apparently her mother advised her to take it as soon as possible to protect her against arthritis which runs in their family. How i wish my GP would have let me have it when i asked about it. I have had no other health issues and take no medication other than pain relief. I feel really down in the dumps now, how would you have felt knowing possibly things might have been different.

Lazyriver Fri 04-Dec-20 19:12:04

Not sure this person merits the title friend. Making herself feel better by knocking you down, smacks of insecurity to me.
Beauty comes from within, and not HRT.
Don't let her win! Do some things that make you be feel good.
I have a marvelous foot soak that helps my sore feet, and some mysterious goo that makes my hair softer and smells of banana.
Give yourself a few treats because you deserve it, not because some vacuous woman has boosted her ego at your expense

DillytheGardener Fri 04-Dec-20 19:33:30

What an unkind thing to say. I had a close friend saying lately I look like a frumpy housewife recently. I know I’ve put on a few pounds and it stung. Although I know I’ve put my foot in it more than once, commenting where I shouldn’t have so hopefully it was just a stupid faux pas than her being generally nasty.

Sunnyoutlook Fri 04-Dec-20 19:41:18

travelsafar Her HRT obviously hasn’t made her kind or able to be sympathetic towards you. Please don’t feel down after meeting this person. Good friends brighten your day, she sounds very shallow.

cornishpatsy Fri 04-Dec-20 20:20:25

There will be another day when you are out looking your best and see someone not looking their best.

We do have a tendency to compare ourselves or our situations with those in a better position never those in a worse one.

Urmstongran Fri 04-Dec-20 20:50:39

Oh poor you travelsafar just what you didn’t need when you were out and about today. I sympathise about the hair - mine is fine and damp weather doesn’t do it any favours. Lucky for your friend to be blessed with good hair it does help in the elegance stakes! That said, she made a couple of crass remarks with little self-awareness there.

I’d rather have fine hair and be a kinder person (like you I imagine).

Bixiboo Fri 04-Dec-20 22:56:17

Very unkind comments travelsafar, I would take no notice and rise above it. I don’t think for one instant that you’re a frumpy old woman but she probably made you feel like it. Like some of the other grans have said, perhaps allow yourself a few treats whatever takes your fancy, then it’s onwards and upwards. You can do it.

Spec1alk Sat 05-Dec-20 09:49:21

I always think this- don’t worry about what people think of you, it’s what you think about yourself that matters.
You might feel frumpy at the moment, I know I do, so have a pamper day at home. Use all the products that make you feel good and dress in something that you feel good in. Do you need to make an appointment for a hair cut or hair do? Spoil yourself, you know you’re worth it!

grannygranby Sat 05-Dec-20 09:59:25

Yes I loved my HRT lovely hair and skin I thought who wants to lose oestrogen effects? But I had to have one that was light on progesterone, as that gave me crippling depression found new one then then had to stop it sad because I developed an oestrogen dependent form of breast cancer...verboten.
Our aging is far more determined by genetics and nothing for your friend to be smug about. People like to think their decisions are responsible, but life is never that simple. I’d be tempted to whack her shins with your stick next timesmile though I’m sure she thought she was being helpful. I’m really saddened how much worth women put on looks.
How about ‘how are you?’ ‘Can’t complain’ and a chat about something interesting?

Notsooldat75 Sat 05-Dec-20 10:00:03

I used to have a friend like that, she would say hurtful things to or about me, usually in front of others. My response was to sat loudly “ouch”, and change the subject.
But I got fed up with that and now I hardly see her.

MrsThreadgoode Sat 05-Dec-20 10:02:49

I’ve never had HRT so can’t comment, but the only time I ever meet anyone or someone comes to the door, you can bet it’s a no make up and scruffs day.
I wouldn’t worry about it, we do the best we can and if it’s a painful day then so be it.
And HRT certainly hasn’t made her a nicer person, I bet with her make up off and a bad hair day she would look the same as the rest of us.

Moggycuddler Sat 05-Dec-20 10:04:21

I've always wondered why it's a Universal Law that you always bump into (or have a surprise visit from) someone you'd want to look decent for at a time when you haven't washed your hair and are wearing tatty old clothes.

Theoddbird Sat 05-Dec-20 10:04:37

Just put her words out of your head. Maybe she was having a good day. I have never taken HRT.. Was offered so many times. Now go look in the mirror.. .hold your head high and chin up and smile. It is a smile that is the most important thing when it comes to looks smile

Sweetchile Sat 05-Dec-20 10:10:06

Oh I know just how you feel! Why do we always bump into a glam so called friend when we're having a 'dress down' day? Ditch her.
I have been on HRT oestrogen only for over 30years had hysterectomy when my son was 1 years old. Never looked back. I have arthritis like my mum did but thanks to HRT no osteoporosis. smile

Vintager Sat 05-Dec-20 10:24:26

What I admire about people is their determination to keep going despite debilitating health conditions. (Not how good they look) You deserve to be applauded OP for keeping mobile and active.
The only thing I think about people who are dolled up is that they sit in front of a mirror far more than me. I’m glad I have freed myself since retirement from such social expectations. It’s liberating.
Well done for your courage and determination OP.

Jillybird Sat 05-Dec-20 10:31:25

I haven't read everyone else's comments before replying - as I usually do, so hope I'm not just repeating what's been said already: Yes, I agree with you entirely. My mother was practically crippled with arthritis by her mid fifties and just got gradually worse over the years although she was a very determined old bird and wasn't really wheelchair bound until she was 80. I felt I had somehow "escaped" the arthritis, just the odd twinge, nothing much. I felt incredibly lucky that the gene responsible had somehow missed me! I had no idea at all that the HRT my doctor had put me on in my mid/early fifties was responsible for my "good fortune". So when I got to 68 my new young male doctor told me it was time to come off it. It was dangerous at my age. I actually cried, but took his word for it. Four years later I am still having horrible hot flushes, I've gone off sex completely and worst of all, the arthritis is catching up with me, big time! Both knees, left ankle, right hip and my hands are affected. So I can barely do stairs and detest "going for a walk" as we are urged to do for exercise.

I didn't have the foggiest clue that HRT protected against arthritis. So, I can completely understand where you are coming from and if I had known four years ago, I would have fought for the HRT or gone private instead of weeping sadly. Yes. I feel robbed, quite frankly - and I think you have been too. Hugs. xxxxx

TrendyNannie6 Sat 05-Dec-20 10:33:25

Wow she’s a charmer isn’t she, she’s no friend travelsafar, such an unkind think to say to you, I have never taken HRT so I have no experience of it, and don’t particularly want to, your so called friend I use the term loosely sounds very smug ( not a good trait) please don’t feel down in the dumps, my hair is also fine and tends to go frizzy due to the meds I’m taking, I think I would have smiled sweetly and said have a nice day. People like that really get my back up,

4allweknow Sat 05-Dec-20 10:35:45

HRT or not, perhaps your friend would look the same. Genetics play a big part in how we look. Do you resemble a parent? Do you know if your friend resembles one of hers. In the current times make up is hardly used as it just comes off on a mask. Eye make up okay, but that can look ridiculous when the rest of the face is "undone". You are able to get about, only take simple painkillers, are these not good points? Anyone would feel down meeting a glamourour person on what seemed to be a horrible wet day. We all have them you are not alone.

BusterTank Sat 05-Dec-20 10:39:21

Just remember that what is on the inside that counts . As long as you have good heart 💖, nothing else matters .

TrendyNannie6 Sat 05-Dec-20 10:39:50

Oh kate1949 I’d have said to her, well you do have the personality of a clown, and tell her the circus is that way, she better hurry up as she’s due on in ten mins

Kestrel Sat 05-Dec-20 10:52:31

Not a nice person making you feel bad about yourself - ignore her in future flowers

Fernbergien Sat 05-Dec-20 10:54:06

Ignore her and maybe treat yourself for Christmas. A new moisturiser and something new to wear and be kind to yourself as you are the nicer person.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sat 05-Dec-20 10:54:45

Please don't compare yourself to other people travels as it can only make you feel worse. She'd obviously got herself done up to the nines so you were bound to find yourself wanting by comparison. It was so wet that day that anyone would have found their hair going frizzy - we all know that hair is so important when it 'frames the whole' iyswim.

I always feel fat after seeing one SIL. To be truthful she could do with putting some weight on. Another SIL makes me feel slim - I expect they both compare themselves to others in a negative fashion. How you behave and treat others is more important.

inishowen Sat 05-Dec-20 10:57:47

I have a friend the same age as me. She lives in another country but visits once a year. We're both 68 but she is so glamorous. Her hair is shoulder length and blonde. She is slim and wears knee length skirts with boots. I feel so frumpy. Im a granny, she's not. I panic when she's coming for a visit. Dyeing my grey hair, getting my eyebrows shaped etc.,

Caro57 Sat 05-Dec-20 10:59:20

Maybe she is skipping around on HRT but there are side effects and risks to taking it which she may have opted for and you might not - it’s freedom of choice and be proud of who you are

Gwenisgreat1 Sat 05-Dec-20 11:02:42

s has been said, travels stand tall and be yourself!! I was asked by the doc to send a selfie because of a skin problem. The photo I took looked nothing like me!! It was an old lady with wrinkled skin - must delete those photos, they will depress me if I look at them!!