feeling deflated and frumpy

I dont go far these days,when I do go anywhere I use little make up, but what I am used to, I would hate people to think I have "let myself go" Stay tall in your mind travelsafar you sound a lovely person.

Travelafar don’t be disheartened I have osteoarthritis and had surgery on quite a few occasions. I have been on all kinds of pain relief but for many reasons it was unsuitable. In my mid forties I had ops for fibroids etc and was put on HRT it made me ill I had to come of that.
Now in my sixties I get around and keep active otherwise my joints would cease up completely. I can’t have what little pain relief I was taking because it have caused kidney disease. Your friend sounds very much an image person which is quite shallow. Be yourself that’s what’s important wrap up and look after yourself. People who know you like you just as you are naturally nice despite your health keep smiling.

Very smug sounding woman. Extremely rude and condescending.
Not every one can get on with HRT. My mother had it, it didn't stop her getting arthritis though. I didn't take it as I had problems even taking the pill. I get migraines which the pill used to trigger. I felt HRT might do the same. I wouldn't take any notice of this catty person.

we can do without friends like this woman.It's hard not to feel a bit frumpy at the moment,I know I don't dress up the same as I used to,it doesn't seem worth it

Eleanor Roosevelt quote: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
We will all have to deal with various health issues. There is no magic medicine.
Do what gives you joy and happiness and stay away from negative people.

I've asked for HRT on several occasions over the years and been told I'm too old now 67. So I'm growing old disgracefully. I exercise regularly despite all my aches and pains. Get my hair done that's important . Only wear mascara, lippy although no point now with the mask wearing and do what remains of my eyebrows. I rarely bother with foundation and if I do it's a moisturising one with a tint. One is never too old to exercise. People gasp when I say I'm 3 years off 70. I've been mistaken for being 50s/40s. I use a stationary bike at home and one or two other gadgets. There are so many gadgets out there for people to begin getting fitter there is no excuse and never too late to start. Exercise for a moral boost is the key at my age. One doesn't have to go like the clappers just move. I'm going down fighting as it were. I will still be exercising in my 80s if I get that far even with my various complaints. Baby steps. Get one of those peddling things currently being advertised for absolute beginners. Navigating aging and ill health can be a challenge. It's up to one to change things. I don't act like I'm 67 or walk like I'm that age. Granted I couldn't run for a bus or even jog because I'm heavyweight. But I keep chipping away. There will always be someone out there fitter, younger looking, smarter than us at the same age but ignore that and take care of yourself. Right off to get me hair done!

Tempest you have just taken the words from my mouth! Totally agree! What a tactless woman your 'friend' is travelsafar! Don't feel down about her unpleasantness, but her personality is her problem, not yours!

Jillybird, my GP’s nurse keeps trying to get me to stop HRT but my GP and I disagree!!!! Travels , I don’t care for your ‘friends’ attitude but I don’t see any reason , given the way you said you felt, not to enjoy a little pampering , for your benefit, no one else’s

Totaly agree with Riverwalk.
Smug and nasty.
Looks go being a nice person lasts forever.

Can you get physio for your arthritis? It may help the pain and the stoop.
Ive been using crutches and a wheelchair since the age of 35. So things could be worse. I always say on bad days there's always someone worse off to remind myself to be thankful for what I have got. Stand tall mentally if not physically. But do try physio .u

Travelsfar'
That sort of person never know what is in store for them.
Chin up and forge it.

I think your friend is the one with the problem - she sounds as if she is trying to 'big herself up' at your expense, perhaps she is hiding other problems. It is nonsense to say that HRT stops arthritis - I take HRT and I have osteoarthritis. There are lots of different forms of it and what works for some, doesn't for others. Try to feel sorry for your 'friend', she is the one with the problem, not you!

Sorry' forget it'

Well I would rather have you as my friend than her. We all have days when we look in the mirror and don't like what we see and I'm sure she does. Goodness knows what she looked like when she got out of bed that morning before getting herself 'sorted'. Ignore her, you just be yourself cos you sound a far nicer person than she does anyway.

I note you referred to your acquaintance as a lady in your opener. Not in my book. Unkind and rather rude would be my description. I sometimes look frazzled and I don't have your physical discomforts to deal with (so far). Please try not to let it get to you. There's enough going on without that and, with a little bit of luck, it'll be ages before you see her again. Chin, chin.

Day to day I don’t wear make up and have designated trousers and tops for being out and about because I want to be comfortable. I have a friend who is always dressed up to the nines and won’t answer the door un coiffed or without makeup. However when we join friends for evenings out I’m the one who gets the compliments-seems people don’t see any difference in her

My doctor has mentioned about me coming off HRT so I cut my dose in half. I was fine for a few weeks but then I got acne and bladder problems again. Nothing to do with the way I look (although the acne, especially on my nose, isn’t pretty.) I was prescribed it for constant uti, menopause acne, hot flushes and pfd. However when I lowered the dose I did notice aches and pains, my hair began to look dry and my skin was even more oily. I could cope with most of it just not the interstitial cystitis, it was horrible.

Wasn’t it lovely of her to point out that you were not looking your best? Seriously, with friends like that...

I wonder what this so-called friend thought she was doing!

A doctor I once knew said, "You should never comment adversely on someone's looks or health unless you are trying to scare them into taking action."

I believe he was speaking from long years' experience of medical practice.

Whatever happened to it being rude to make personal remarks?

Please, OP, try to ignore this rude woman's unkind remarks. Probably they were not justified.

I meant to add, that even if you do not look as well-dressed as your friend, I am sure you have better manners and a kinder nature, which is what really counts.

She sounds awful! So rude. And so pleased with herself too!

Arthritis isn't anything that can be cured by HRT. It can certainly help prevent osteoporosis. You'd be better off with a copper bracelet, frankly. I've been taking HRT for about 15 years now and would hate to come off it, but I have reduced the dose to 3-4 tabs a week rather than daily.

I get so frustrated that GPs seem to think they can refuse anyone HRT - it's not really up to them. If you feel you would benefit by at least trying it, they shouldn't be making decisions for you unless they know you are specifically vulnerable (breast cancer for example).

My Gran always said to find something kind to comment in those kind of situations, such as 'Love your coat, where did you get it from' or a simple 'Oh, I was thinking about you and wondering how you were, so lovely to see you'. People usually know if they are not looking their best and don't need it be commented on. We all have bad days when we are bedraggled and not looking our best - well, apart from the Mum I used to see at my DGD's Junior School who was always immaculately made up and dressed to kill - but she confessed she got up at 5am to make sure she looked that way for the school run!

I started taking HRT 11 years ago and had a stroke 6 weeks later. They couldn't prove that the HRT had caused the stroke, but I was told to stop taking it immediately and never to take it again.

Well said riverwalk

Travelsafar what a nasty condescending piece of work. I’d much rather be known as a kind, caring person, which I’m sure you are, than someone like her.
Who knows what may or may not have happened if you’d taken HRT, it wouldn’t have changed your soul and could have disagreed with you. You are the better person.