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Just putting a feeler out

(18 Posts)
Nannysprout Sun 13-Dec-20 21:56:35

I'm a widow living on my own and although most times I count my blessings as I do have grown up children and a grandchild, I do sometimes get lonely and miss having someone to be "alone" with. I've realised through this last year with Covid and all the restrictions that a lot of my friends have tailed off and the only people I really have in this world are my family. Its made me think that when we do all eventually come out of the other end of this pandemic I need to get into something else and find a new set of friends. Has anyone else felt the same?

Flopsey Sun 13-Dec-20 22:18:56

Yes, I feel the same as you Nannysprout, pre COVID I had friends that I met through a singing group and also through various activities that we can no longer do.
My friends are all of the age group who are vulnerable and although I’m 73 and active I really miss meeting them and worrying about keeping my distance.
Because of having to wear masks, I also miss not being able to smile 😊 a greeting and giving them a hug.

BlueBelle Sun 13-Dec-20 22:30:54

I ve got lovely friends who have stayed with me throughout the year (metaphorically) and however I have realised a few that I didn’t really class as close friends have drifted and I haven’t missed them at all so that’s a really good thing
It doesn’t matter what age you are you can always make new friends Nannysprout so I think it’s a great way to start our new beginnings when we come completely out the rabbit warrens of 2020

Nannysprout Wed 16-Dec-20 16:53:41

Thanks for your replies ladies. I felt a bit low on Sunday as one of my closer friends has become more distant over the last few months but I'm sure we will pick up again when this is all over. I have found the same as you Bluebelle some friendships have stayed strong and others have just drifted. Hopefully some sort of normality will be restored next year at some point and maybe it will be a good time to start a new interest or venture in life 😀.

EllanVannin Wed 16-Dec-20 17:05:03

I'm more than glad to say that those who've been friends throughout my working life have remained friends, having had a card from each of the 4 of them.
We've always met up for lunch or dinner somewhere over the years, holidayed and visited the cinema together, always having had a get-together before the end of every year.

I value our friendship very much and we all feel lucky to have each other. We've stayed solid.

Doodledog Wed 16-Dec-20 17:23:18

Nannysprout

Thanks for your replies ladies. I felt a bit low on Sunday as one of my closer friends has become more distant over the last few months but I'm sure we will pick up again when this is all over. I have found the same as you Bluebelle some friendships have stayed strong and others have just drifted. Hopefully some sort of normality will be restored next year at some point and maybe it will be a good time to start a new interest or venture in life 😀.

I hope so too, Nannysprout.

I do hope that this thread doesn't turn into one where people boast about how strong their own friendship groups have remained, as that is not going to help those who are feeling down (I don't know why people do that).

Anyway, I have found the same as you, in that people I saw regularly but only in certain situations (eg groups) have drifted off, but will probably come back again as things improve. They weren't real friends in the first place, I suppose - they were acquaintances then, and will be again.

I have made an effort to keep in touch with people I saw socially, as opposed to occasional group meetings. I am usually the one to make contact anyway, and I have been the one keeping things going through the pandemic. I think that most groups of people have one person who holds things together by arranging things, and others who never think to do it, but are pleased that someone does - they seem to think that arrangements just happen smile. I have organised a couple of Zoom meet-ups, and made a few telephone calls, so that when we are able to meet again it will be easier to pick up where we left off - could you do that?

I understand the feeling that when we come out of the other side of this we don't want to be on our own, but at the same time, I think that a lot of people will feel the same, and there will be a lot of us looking for new things to do and people to meet.

For now, I am keeping myself busy, and can fill my time quite easily, but I am more than ready to get out amongst people again - I am a social creature, and miss personal contact. I'm lucky enough to have my husband, but with the best will in the world, we do sometimes struggle to be scintillating when neither of us has done anything or been anywhere for so long!

Maybe set up a group of your own? Something like a reading group could start online, and then become a face to face meeting when you can. Or if that's not your thing, even a coffee morning could happen over Zoom, or a glass of wine in the evening.

If you have a local Facebook group, that could be a good place to start making enquiries about who else might be interested.

aggie Wed 16-Dec-20 17:34:52

Not a call from my “friends “ , I ring them and they seem happy to chat , but don’t ring back . Just one who calls me annually
I do have family

WOODMOUSE49 Wed 16-Dec-20 17:37:41

I feel the same however my few friends have drifted because I moved 300 miles away. Despite lots of "we will make arrangements to get together somehow," four years later, it has only happened once when one was in the county on holiday with her daughter. Not quite the same.

What I didn't realise is, that the older we get, for some I hasten to add, the more reluctant we are to drive any distance. We haven't the room to put anyone up so accommodation would have to be found even if they did visit. It is really a non starter.

I have tried a couple of groups where I now live but haven't hit it off with anyone. Friendships within the groups can be well established and I then find it difficult to join in.

I'm joining one more at the beginning of 2021 with fingers crossed.

Situpstraight2 Wed 16-Dec-20 18:07:52

I don’t have any friends at all.
I see the wife of a friend of my DH if we visit them, (once since March) but we have nothing in common.
I’m an introvert, so it isn’t likely to change anytime soon, sadly.
Luckily I have my DH and DDs.
Maybe next year I should make more of an effort, but in the past it hasn’t worked.

Elegran Wed 16-Dec-20 18:14:31

This is where the local meet-ups that groups of Gransnetters have established all over the country have come into their own in the last months. When people have been chatting online, then arranging to meet in person for a coffee or a meal, they can keep up the contact by Zoom or Facetime or Whatsapp. Regular virtual meetings don't have to stop just because somone has moved away to another town.
If posters miss meeting friends face-to-face, why not start a thread under the "Meetups" topic, suggesting a virtual meeting of people with similar interests? They could be from anywhere!

Elegran Wed 16-Dec-20 18:15:42

Here is a link to the Meet-up topic.
www.gransnet.com/forums/meet_ups_where_are_you

Fennel Wed 16-Dec-20 18:37:03

I never managed to join our nearest group when I stopped driving. maybe have another effort on zoom.
Like you, Nansprout I've lost touch with many of my old friends. At first we rang eachother regularly, but this gradually stopped.
But there's one cheerful thing - some of us go out for a daily walk and sometimes cross paths. Yesterday was a lovely bright sunny day and I met 5 of my old friends. out in the open.
Another friend often walks past our house and knocks and we chat in the garden
Missing family is another thing. Ours are scattered so far away sad.

Patsy70 Wed 16-Dec-20 18:51:32

Doodledog.I agree that sometimes when someone posts a thread, looking for a little help, empathy etc., one or two less understanding GNs are only too happy to smugly, in my opinion, boast of how lucky they are with their lot, without offering any support for the OP. I do hope you relinquish old friendships that you value, Nannysprout, and are also able to meet new people with similar interests to you. I’m a volunteer at our local Barnardo’s shop and have met some lovely people in the 4 years I’ve been there.

Nannysprout Wed 16-Dec-20 20:15:47

Aww thanks Patsy70, I'm a widow but continued to volunteer in the place I was working before I retired so I could keep in touch with everyone and I enjoyed the work too. I was singing at Rhymetime in the Town library. It was lovely and I got to know so many of the Mums and Grandma's. Of course all that has had to stop during the pandemic. I will go back as soon as I'm able but I think the pandemic has made me think I've held onto the past a bit and I need to find some different avenues and perhaps challenge myself a bit more.

Callistemon Wed 16-Dec-20 20:23:59

Yes, Nannysprout.

I am lucky enough to not be on my own and am in touch with family but my wider world has shrunk. The groups I belonged to have not met except on Zoom which really is not the same.
Some of my friends and friendly acquaintances have died, too, in the last few months (apparently not from Covid hmm) and I will need to make an effort to join in with more next year,

I'm not trying to be smug, just stating facts.
Let's hope next year will be better for us all.

Patsy70 Wed 16-Dec-20 20:34:08

I’m sure you’ll enjoy it again Nannysprout and find new challenges too. I’ve attempted to learn to play the ukulele and tried water colouring, but get most pleasure from gardening and walking with the dog, as well as the voluntary work.

SueSocks Wed 16-Dec-20 20:46:50

Situpstraight2, I am the same as you! Really hard to make friends as I too am an introvert and have always suffered from social anxiety ( in the past it didn’t have a name). Wasn’t too bad when I was working, but retirement has made me more aware of my lack of friends, so has the pandemic. I went to various groups before lockdown, it at least gave me contact with people. No friendships developed. No doubt many people on here will give us hints about making conversation & going up to groups & chatting, really hard for an introvert. I will also make an effort to do some volunteering & join some groups once I have been vaccinated & when the infection rate for Covid is much lower.

Situpstraight2 Wed 16-Dec-20 21:35:46

Suesocks I hear you! If I can find someone with the same interests you won’t shut me up, otherwise nothing, and then I hear myself talking and think ‘ shut up woman, no one is interested’. I used to volunteer, until I wasn’t well enough to commit on a regular basis.
Anyway, it is what it is