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condolences to neighbours

(34 Posts)
Markoni40 Wed 16-Dec-20 14:03:41

We have an older pair of neighbors with whom we are not very close. At max we would say hi when we see them. We've just seen that gentlemen sadly passed away. How would you offer your condolences? Thank you for your help

Situpstraight2 Wed 16-Dec-20 14:06:54

Pop a sympathy card through the door? Hopefully there will be family around.

Be careful offering to help if you aren’t prepared to, with things the way they are at the moment we are all trying to stay away from anyone who isn’t family.

Situpstraight2 Wed 16-Dec-20 14:08:53

Sorry posted too soon.
A neighbour offered to help another neighbour when his wife died, the family then left everything to her, even arranging care and dinners for the man. This led to him knocking her door at all hours.

So unless you really are able to help........

Septimia Wed 16-Dec-20 14:08:55

A condolence card through the door as a first action.

And a few words - 'Sorry to hear that...' - the first time you see the widow/family.

Keep it simple. But definitely do something - too often people are too embarrassed to say anything which makes it look like they don't care. Better to speak, even if it is upsetting for the widow at first. It is usually appreciated.

Lucretzia Wed 16-Dec-20 14:09:48

Yes, a card will be perfect

So very sad

lemongrove Wed 16-Dec-20 14:09:52

Same here Markoni just a few days ago in fact.I put a short note through the door saying how sorry we were, kept it short and simple.It wouldn't be right to just ignore it, but at the same time needn’t be effusive.

Markoni40 Wed 16-Dec-20 14:14:28

Thank you so much all!!! and agree Septimia, definitely wanted to do something... wouldn't feel right to just leave it as nothing happened

nadateturbe Wed 16-Dec-20 15:08:33

A card yes.

Nortsat Wed 16-Dec-20 16:55:37

I think a card is a kind gesture, which would be appreciated.

You are a nice neighbour 💐

Markoni40 Wed 16-Dec-20 19:09:35

Thank you all once again!

Jayt Wed 16-Dec-20 19:11:34

A kind sympathy card put through the letter box would be sufficient in this case

OceanMama Wed 16-Dec-20 21:55:36

A card would be a nice gesture. My neighbour brought over some flowers, which was lovely too.

Just don't avoid them afterwards when you see them. It makes things weird when neighbours obviously avoid you because of their discomfort. Give them a wave.

LauraNorder Wed 16-Dec-20 22:10:22

Yes, a simple card with a nice message. Offers of any help should be carefully considered as things can easily go beyond what you can give.
A friendly wave when you see her and maybe a word of condolence.
So sad, especially at this time of year and the added limits imposed by the virus.

Hetty58 Wed 16-Dec-20 22:48:21

It's nice to get a card - and a great comfort if people just continue to behave the same way as they always have.

It's really quite alarming if people either avoid you, or become overly sympathetic and friendly.

Grannyjacq1 Thu 17-Dec-20 09:50:58

My mum died in October 2019, aged 95. My dad (96) lives alone and independently. He has just had a Christmas card from a neighbour addressed to both of them - over a year after mum's death. So one useful thing you could do is to let other neighbours know, so they can be supportive and perhaps avoid a situation like this. It's often difficult to disseminate news about a death these days - especially for older people who are less likely to post on Facebook etc. Also cards, letters etc are very very much appreciated and any offers of help.

Aepgirl Thu 17-Dec-20 10:16:36

Yes, pop a card through the door. Also I think Grannyjacq1’s advice is very important.

Grandmabeach Thu 17-Dec-20 10:20:53

Definitely send a card. My DF died when he was only 57 and I kept all the sympathy letters and cards for years. What hurt most was when people who knew him never mentioned it as if he had never existed. I know people get embarrassed at what to say but just a kind word goes a long way.

jaylucy Thu 17-Dec-20 10:27:09

Like others have said, just a card through the door expressing condolences will be sufficient.

Graygirl Thu 17-Dec-20 11:22:14

A card through door don't knock I say this because when my dad passed some people kept knocking on mums door she didn't want to see anyone outside family. Ended up her becoming very reclusive

moggie57 Thu 17-Dec-20 12:08:35

Pop a card thru the door and say you would like to be there of she needs anything

Alioop Thu 17-Dec-20 12:59:41

Send them a sympathy card. I moved to a new area and the elderly man next doors wife passed away in a nursing home and the guy opposite told him he is mum had passed away through the first lockdown and he couldn't say goodbye, he was in tears. I popped cards through their doors and they were so touched.

ReadyMeals Thu 17-Dec-20 13:32:34

Depends how long ago. If in recent days, then a card would be in order, it saves the awkwardness of having to offer condolences face to face later on when you bump into him in the street anyway (sorry to sound a bit practical about this). If it's weeks ago, I think personally I'd not say anything at all, and when you see him in the street just say hi and not refer to it unless he does. But do NOT cross the road to avoid him like some people do smile

Markoni40 Thu 17-Dec-20 15:16:57

Thanks all, popped the card through the door this morning...Didn't see them since then but will act normal if we meet any time soon and offer additional few words of sympathy. ReadyMeals it just happened yesterday....

Tanjamaltija Thu 17-Dec-20 16:05:23

Can you cook a meal for her? Or do shopping? Or call her on the phone or FB Messenger?

GreenGran78 Thu 17-Dec-20 16:06:14

One of my neighbours died not long ago. I popped a condolence card through the letterbox, and have chatted to his widow when we have met.
I wasn’t sure what to do about a Christmas card, not wanting to miss her out, but knowing that a “have a happy Christmas” would not be appropriate. I found a very nice card saying “with sympathy at Christmas time” and a nice message inside saying that we were thinking of them at this difficult time. People often don’t know how to interact with the bereaved, as I know from experience. I sometimes make a point of mentioning my late husband in conversation, so that people know that it’s ok to talk about him.