I`m worried...daughter`s 3rd marriage

Agree with bibbity

Why did the second relationship end up badly?

It could be a case of the daughter picking the wrong man and the 3rd is not good either

Maybe this 3rd man is the blessing she needs..

Nothing much you can do, she is an adult

Full marks to your daughter who has the faith to enter into another marriage. I really hope this works out well for her, and of course for her children and you.

I think you’ve just got to give as much support as possible to the whole family, and be there for them, without judging.

Maybe it will. But the OP and her children don’t need to have anything to do with it.

The daughter can make this decision and live with the outcome whatever it may be.

What lesson do the grandchildren need to learn. It’s very clear their mother has failed them at least in some capacity. She should’ve been their safe haven. Thankfully the OP was there to step up. She’s done more than enough.

Bibbity. We don’t know this third man is a ‘ poor decision’ yet. This marriage might be the making of her. It sounds like the grandchildren are grown up....young, but still grown. Hopefully, this time, things will work out, and the GC will learn valuable lessons from it hopefully. It’s very hard to just stop with your children, no matter how old, but I agree, as I said before, the OP has to put her well being first. It sounds like you’ve made your decision boodymum67, hope all goes well.

but tell her you will support her whatever she decides to do

OP does not have to support an adult who continues to make poor decision. The OP ha cleaned up enough of this woman’s mistakes.
Her children were not her priority previously so she can not keep expecting unending support.

A good friend of mine married for a 3rd time 8 years ago after 2 nasty divorces and has been very happy with DH no.3 so I hope for your DD it's 3rd time lucky

Once again, thankyou for your kind support. I will go to the wedding and stop asking hubby if he will go. It`s up to him and I shouldn't worry how much upset I know this will cause our daughter.

But telling me not to worry is good advice, but difficult to follow.

I do like my new son in law to be. He is kind, patient and caring and I am positive he will look after our daughter.

I will always be here for my family ...until I`m not!

I have been married three times. My first two marriages were to men who cheated, and I had an awful time with them. I have been happy with my third husband for 25 years. He is much younger and from an ethnic minority background, and everybody said it wouldn't last but he is the kindest. most supportive person, so loving and caring. My sons were at university when I met him and were very worried and protective of me. They love him now, as do their children. Let your daughter live her life. She may have found the right person for her. Time will tell.

rozzee, you’d be better starting your own thread. I’m sure you’ll get lots of helpful responses.
My own response would be there’s very little you can do at the moment, with all the restrictions. Are your son and DIL privy to how your husband feels? Presumably you’ve talked about this with him. What are his reasons for not liking her?
Please do start your own thread though, and all the best to you.

Everyone involved is more or less grown-up and can/will choose to make their own mistakes. The new guy might well be her soul mate - my first love was a long-distance relationship with us not seeing one another between him going back to his long-term GF out of duty, but we loved one another dearly for 25 years, until his death. Then I went through a disastrous rebound marriage working hard at making it work until I eventually gave up after 10 years and finally I met my current DH - 38 years later we're still best friends and lovers. Your DD may well have the happiness we've been blessed with (I hope so), and I do hope you, ideally her father and as many others as possible can/will attend to wish them well. Genuinely you can't interfere and it certainly isn't her children's place to criticise her choice. They should attend the wedding, wish them well and stay out of any ill-will.

I need some advice please. My husband, who is a very, very stubborn Yorkshireman, cannot stand our new daughter in law. My son, from a previous marriage, married our daughter in law nearly 5 years ago. They seem to be happy & in love. However, my husband simply refuses to have anything to do with my son’s wife. We live in Yorkshire & they live in Kent. This year for the first time, I did the 4 1/2 hr drive on my own, to go & see them in October, when we had that window of COVID opportunity to move around. How on earth do I continue with this marriage & this situation I find myself in? I’m in my late 60’s & my husband is 75 on Sat. This is causing me huge anxiety issues....which I’ve never had before. Help!!!

I've come to the conclusion when the time comes for a 3rd marriage she will know what she wants. My cousin's 3rd marriage ended last year after 20 years (her longest). My school friend is still with her 3rd husband (possibly around 30 years? So wish her luck and happiness!!

Hi
This could almost be my own story with one of my daughters. Only difference is it’s me, that has lupus not my daughter.
She has 5 children across her marriages/ relationships. She has never spent one day without a man in her life.
Her new man seems ok too.
I made myself, ill being piggy in the middle, so now I tend not to talk to my other family about it and I don’t engage in their negativity.
I have just focused on being the stable force in My grandkid’s life. I don’t try and advice my daughter anymore. I do try and build her up, like I have done all her life. I just respect her choices then I, help her cope when she needs it. I have worked my life around making sure I am there for the kids (who are all quite messed up.) I do the school runs once a week and take them for their tea.( It has been restricted a bit this year I bring them to mine for weekends where it is quiet and clam (well as much as it can be with five kids in it) and I have them on a what’s app group so I can listen. I make sure I am always there if they need me. I help them out with things they need “ while mum focus on their love life. “
I have stopped making myself sick with worry because that changes nothing. I am just a positive force now. I encourage my grandkids and support them in their school work (I am a teacher) The children love her new guy but are fearful it won’t last.I just reassure them that I am still here (Covid allowing of course.)
I personality would go to the wedding but I wouldn’t pressure others to go.
In the end of the day, I think all you can do is what you are doing but look after you too. Happy new year.

Yes she is an adult but has been known to suffer when some choices are made.

Thats why there is concern ,we will never know the ins and outs but whats apparent is that you have been the strong foundation for your grandchildren as well as your daughter.
This is the weight of a mother and you are worthy of it.
Go along with it ,as you have been doing.
I always wonder does one have to remarry though. Without having time to heal and understand one's self better.
This fascination of the ideal perfect union and marriage.
How important it is that we as individuals learn to be content within ourselves. Companionship for me is a much more suitable choice a half way point till one is sure.
I really hope that this is what shes looking for and she has found her ideal partner.
It just might be .

In my opinion marriage is essential when intending to have children but I imagine your daughter may be past that stage.
Does she really need to get married?
If I was in your place OP I would be suggesting they live together for a couple of years before taking the plunge.

Your daughter is an adult and free to make her own mistakes. All you can do is gently point out your concerns but tell her you will support her whatever she decides to do. She is going to do what she wants anyway.

I agree with Bluekitchen - she doesn't need to get married yet. A year or more together without all the legal stuff to see how it works first might be better for her and a reassurance for the rest of you too.
And/or - how about talking to her/them about attending a marriage preparation course? or for both of them to get some counselling from Relate or similar in order to try to prevent/ avoid future problems? You are not being critical in suggesting either; just recognising there have been difficulties in the past and wishing for her future happiness.

Agree with most PP. support her, be there when needed and try not to judge. We all make mistakes in life and hopefully learn from them. Let’s hope that this choice is a good choice and they can be happy together. Your grandchildren are aware you offer a safety net and that’s the best compliment you can possibly have.

Definitely go. Your daughter and new partner will appreciate it. When I married not many of my husbands family could be bothered to attend as it was his second marriage. I was quite hurt as was/is my first! But I was pleased his parents, sister and grandmother did come and, now, 30 years on into the marriage I have valued their friendship. I never did get close to the rest of them.!

Must your daughter marry again? With two marriages behind her, adult children and a chronic illness, might it not be better to take her happiness as it presents itself and leave thought of a permanent union to one side for now? With lupus, her own future is uncertain. The hostility of her children should be a factor in any decision. Maybe postpone for a year at least?

well yes,, one little word, I have a very close friend who was married twice, now with 3rd partner, they want to get married, but covid and all.. been with this 3rd partner some years now.. so hopefully, your daughter has found the right one...

No point worrying, so might as well wish your dd well. Go to the wedding to show her your support. With Covid she might only be able to have s very small number of guests anyway do her Dad and D's missing won't be so noticed. I think 6 guests are allowed ATM. For a third wedding she will probably want a small quiet affair anyway. Hope it's third time lucky for her.

I married my 3rd husband when I was 42 and my 2 daughters were 12 & 14.
We had only been seeing each other just over a year and we had quite a few saying we were making a mistake. We have been married 22 years in May and are very happy and my daughters care greatly for him and still have their real Dad in their lives as well. I am so glad that I didn’t listen to the doubters.

Try to hope that she has found a good man at last.

I second all the advice already given and really hope this marriage will work for your daughter.

boodymum67, children? They are all grown up, aren't they?

You could try being happy for her. She might just have met her soul mate this time around.

You should stop worrying (it's her choice, after all) be supportive and go to the wedding - and so should your husband!