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Malapropisms. (A lighthearted thread)

(36 Posts)
Marmight Sun 10-Jan-21 09:59:38

I have a friend, the loveliest person, whose middle name could be Mrs Malaprop. Some of her gems are :

He went skinny dipping with no clothes on! shock
The salutation plant (desalination)
Can you smell the chloroform in the pool?
He takes his guns out (it’s a stick up)
Anyone have any funnies to add?

Kate1949 Sun 10-Jan-21 10:21:18

My 93 year old neighbour is a great one for this. I can't remember most of them but her hotel room on holiday had 'panasonic views'.

MawBe Sun 10-Jan-21 10:21:40

Somebody recently talked about “closing a blind eye” ! 👁

Blossoming Sun 10-Jan-21 10:35:32

The gleaming spires, when talking about Oxford.

BigBertha1 Sun 10-Jan-21 10:40:29

Not a malapropism but something a neighbour once said that has passed into family legend.

Some years ago I was telling her we were going on holiday to Africa and would pass over the Sahara. 'I bet that looks wonderful at night' she said.

Alishka Sun 10-Jan-21 12:30:48

Remember The Black and White Minstrel show? My mum couldn't wait to see it on their new colour televisiongrin

midgey Sun 10-Jan-21 12:35:27

Again not a malapropism but a conversation on a plane. My neighbour was talking about gardens and said how much he admired Serendipity Jones.

merlotgran Sun 10-Jan-21 12:51:31

My aunt used to say her hot flushes were caused by the Monoplus.

Alishka Sun 10-Jan-21 12:55:27

And a neighbour's favourite Boy Band was Status Crow.

JuneRose Sun 10-Jan-21 12:56:37

My friend says 'you could have picked me up with a feather' ! Always makes me smile.

EllanVannin Sun 10-Jan-21 13:09:13

A very dear departed friend and hospital colleague once described a gentleman she'd once met as appearing, in her words " very extinguished looking ".
It took me all my time not to laugh in her face.

All I could picyure was a fire hydrant grin.

EllanVannin Sun 10-Jan-21 13:10:38


YorkLady Sun 10-Jan-21 13:16:18

I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry, when an old friend informed me that her husband has prostrate cancer.
(He’s fine, by the way)😁

GranEd Sun 10-Jan-21 13:42:00

Many years ago my friend’s son was poorly and she’d had several visits to the doctor with him. She sighed deeply as she said, ‘I’m sure he thinks I’m one of those erotic mothers.’ 😀

Kate1949 Sun 10-Jan-21 13:52:36

YorkLady. It's surprising how many people say 'prostrate' instead of 'prostate'. I have a friend whose husband was treated for this condition for many years. After many hospital appointments, reading leaflets etc she still says 'prostrate'. I'm sure that's the least of her problems of course.

Chewbacca Sun 10-Jan-21 13:53:39

I saw one just yesterday that referred to someone as having a death ear instead of "deaf ear"! I had a wonderful mental image! grin

MawBe Sun 10-Jan-21 13:59:48


I saw one just yesterday that referred to someone as having a death ear instead of "deaf ear"! I had a wonderful mental image! grin

Maybe it’s a cross between a “cloth ear” and a “deaf ear” ? 👂

Greyduster Sun 10-Jan-21 21:24:02

BiL talking about his dog: “whenever he sees a cat he goes bearsick!”

Judy54 Mon 11-Jan-21 13:48:26

The Lady who wanted to try on the durex dress in a boutique. What she meant was lurex.

Sparkling Mon 11-Jan-21 13:56:04

Love the erotic mother.😃

Greyduster Mon 11-Jan-21 14:21:42

When DH’s sister moved house she said they were getting rid of all their old furniture because they were going to go “mimalistic”!

gulligranny Mon 11-Jan-21 14:29:37

Saw something on tv where the person described themselves as a vivacious reader....

Auntieflo Mon 11-Jan-21 14:32:28

A neighbour always referred to 'Motifs' as Moffats

Marmight Mon 11-Jan-21 16:51:19

Many years ago a school friend (now quite a well known actress🙄) after a very energetic tennis match, declared to all and sundry “I’m absolutely ravishing

AGAA4 Mon 11-Jan-21 16:55:58

I remember years ago meeting a neighbour who was rushing to get home to the toilet sayings she was suffering from awful