Can we talk about Stay at Home Mums

I was a stay at home mum until our youngest started primary school and looking back I'm so glad that I was able to do this.

I took a full time job but left after 6 months because of the impact it was having in the boys. Sometime later I got a job at a primary school which meant of course I was at home for all the school holidays and there was no longer any need for the boys to go to a child minder.

We were very lucky that whatever I earned was for 'extra's' and that it wasn't financially necessary for me to work.

I gave up my job to bring up the children. DD was born at the beginning of 1969 at a time when childcare was hard to find and I was working 45 hours a week as a nurse.
DS was born in 1971 and we had moved to a new area of the town where there was no school never mind nursery provision.
By the time both children were at school DH was in a job that required him to travel the world so it was important that at least one of us was here for the day to day stuff.
I also took care of DH's mother who sadly died when only 58 and my own parents and an aunt who had no children of her own.
DH often says that he could never have held down the job he had if I had not remained at home. DC think that I should have worked to contribute to the household, do they really think SAHM is a cushy life ?

Only for a year after DD was born. And that was because we moved country in that time.

I always worked and when divorce happened, I was very glad I had. My mothers life was wrecked when divorce happened and she had only worked part time after having children. She has been poor ever since. I wasn't falling into that trap.

Coming from working class background, it was quite common for women with children to work outside the home. Both my grandmothers did and so did my mother. Children were looked after by the extended family, in my case my gran or my aunt both of whom lived near us. My mother didn't want to leave us and I hated it so when I had children, the aim was for me to stay at home.
We managed just about on one salary and I really enjoyed my role as a full time mum, no regrets at all. It was a combination of the recession of the 1980s with my husband being long term unemployed that pushed my to get some form of paid work and as my confidence grew, I explored ways of improving my qualifications and career prospects.
I had the full support of my husband and we sort of slipped into a role reversal with him being the full time stay at home dad and me the wage earner.
By this time our children were in their early teens and much more independent, husband found a job eventually and we all shared the household tasks.
I'm so glad I did find a fulfilling career in later life but the 10 years I had as a full time stay at home mum were wonderful.

Those of you who stayed at home until the children started school - who met them from school? Who looked after them after school, and in the holidays?
I worked part time from when my youngest went to school, until she was about 12, when I worked full-time.
When I worked part-time there was only one day a week when the children needed to be met from school. A friend’s daughter who was in the sixth form at the time met them, walked home with them and cooked beef burgers and oven chips for their tea. It was their weekly treat.
Holidays were more problematical but solved with a combination of me taking holiday, and DM and DMiL coming to stay.

Needless to say none of this impacted on MrA’s schedule!!

I was a SAHM for 17 years, and it drove me potty. I would have gone back to work happily when the youngest went to school, but their father's idea was that I was there to look after him and the children in that order. It wasn't till they were both at secondary school that I managed to persuade him to let me look for a part time job. Which extended into full time because I was good at it.
It took a lot longer before I'd had enough and divorced him.

I was a stay at home Mum. I taught for 10 years, had my first child then moved to the Netherlands where very few wives worked. I spent any extra time I had learning Dutch and doing voluntary work in the schools.

I wanted to go back to work but my third had a disability and I spent a lot of time fighting school and the LEA. At 11 because he then needed a wheelchair they would not let him go to school with his friends but mainstream 8 miles away. We went to appeal but lost so I home educated. He was happy. We were lucky dh earned enough for us to do this.

kittylester

Forgot the dogs Ellieann and the cats and the rabbits and the gerbil and the goldfish!!

That could be your next thread kitty! "Who was an animal mum?"
Our kids had rabbits, Guinea pigs, gerbils too, and gecko lizards, as well as cats and dogs.

Grandma70s

Those of you who stayed at home until the children started school - who met them from school? Who looked after them after school, and in the holidays?

My hours meant that I did , most of the time, occasionally if I couldn’t a friend would step in. If my holidays were different to theirs one of their much older cousins helped out. Once in a very blue moon their dad !!

Our DDs were born ‘78 ‘80 and ‘84. I was a SAHM until the youngest started full time school so, 11 years. After that I worked part time and was able to have school holiday at home.
DH for many of those years left home before 7 am and arrived home after 7 pm.
We were not well off in those days and DH and I went without many things to make sure the children didn’t.
I loved those years of being with the children, so rewarding.

I was a SAHM until my youngest started school and loved it. Then I taught mornings only until she was 11. I enjoyed being at home and meeting up with friends at clinic or playgroup. My DH worked long hours and was away 2-3 nights a week so it was great to work when they went to school. When we moved because of his job, I taught full time. The money helped with the increased mortgage, I loved the job and I was at home when the children were. I think I had the best of both worlds.

I stayed at home until my youngest was ten. I wanted to be a full-time mum. Luckily Torquay has a foreign language school so I took in students from all over Europe in the summer months which made it possible for me to not rush back to work.

I was a stay at home mum too and loved it. We waited over 13 years for our family. Just couldn't wait to be a mum and full time housewife. I think I am a good home-maker, always enjoyed our days trotting off to playgroups, nursery then school and all the other activities that go with childhood. I then took a part-time job in education so I could have school hours to fit in with family life. Would not change that part of my life at all. I do sometimes think that working mums miss out on a lot but we all have choices.

I was still nursing when I had my children, in the 1980s, but happily gave it up to stay at home with them.

When the younger one was about a year old I went back and worked a couple of evenings a week and did this for about 10 years. Luckily DH was always home at the same time each day so I could then go out. I couldn't have contemplated working during the day at that time but my evening role gave us extra money for new carpets, camping holidays etc.

I never worked full time again, apart from a short spell when I was doing admin work before I retired.

Voluntary work is still work dragonfly. More important perhaps because you do it because you want to, not because you have to.

I stayed at home with both mine but they were both born on foreign postings, so there was neither the need nor the opportunity for me to work. Being part of a military community, looking back on all our postings, very few wives worked, so none of us felt isolated at home with our children. Back in this country, when both of them were in junior school, and we were saving to buy our first house, I took part time jobs, and when we finally settled in one place and they became old enough to take care of themselves, I did some retraining and moved into full time work.

I planned to be a stay at home mum but , honestly, as much as I love my children, I wasn’t cut out for it. I went back to work when my DD was 18 months old (she is nearly 50 so this was unusual). I stayed at home till her brother went to nursery at 3 and a half but then I started working part time and studying and when he went to school I went to uni. My son was a stay at home dad for 8 years and I am full of admiration for him. He had no support group except family and the SAHMs were to embarrassed to invite him to coffee mornings.

I forgot to mention that when I was a SAHM and my children were at school, I became an unofficial childminder to several children over the years, when their mums returned to work. This included one little girl whose parents also did a role reversal due to the recession but her father couldn't cope with being one of the few men standing at the school gate waiting to collect his child. ?

I had no option but to stay at home back in the 70's. My parents were still working full time and hubby's were too old. In order for me to stay at home though my husband had to live in work, for financial reasons, so I think he lost out on some things. When they went to school I went to work with an uncle on a fruit & veg van, 2 days a week, so my in laws only had them for 2 days from 3.30 until 6. They were in secondary school before I went back to work full time. We didn't have fancy cars, or foreign holidays, but when I asked them if they lost out they say they had the best childhood.

I was a SAHM and a working mam at the same time when the children were little. I didn't do any work other that being a mother (which was enough imo) when they were babies but as they got older I started to take on very poorly paid work that I could do from home when they were in bed. Then I became a childminder. I didn't become a teacher until I was in my mid 40s. I loved being a SAHM. I hated term time and loved the school holidays.

On the other hand my mam hated being a SAHM so much that it made her ill. She was a much better mother when she went to work because she had an outlet we children couldn't give her. Although I was a latchkey kid from a relatively young age we had a next door neighbour who would check on me and where I could go if I wanted to.

Grandma70s

Those of you who stayed at home until the children started school - who met them from school? Who looked after them after school, and in the holidays?

I did my share of twighlight shifts at supermarket when I had 2 small children. Needed the money.
Picked up my career when youngest started school. Mad scramble between grandparents, childminders and holiday clubs after that.
Awful and constantly guilty.

We all have to do what is best for us and our families don’t we?
Some women do miss the stimulation of being at work and I can understand that, even though I always wanted to be at home with mine, even when there were times when I would happily have had them over to anyone!

I was a SAHM until my youngest was about 10 years old. Choices were limited as I had no family around to help out with emergency childcare but I don’t regret my decision not to go out to work at that time. I looked after my neighbour’s children after school but in the holidays their aunts and grandparents took over.

Our primary school PTA was very active with fundraising but we also spent time volunteering in the school with things like setting up the library.

There were times when I was bored but when I see how stressed my DD and others of her generation can get trying to keep all the plates spinning I know I wouldn’t have wanted that.

I’m another who wasn’t at all sure about nurseries until my first GC started, I was soon converted though, they do such valuable work.

We could have had much more materially if I’d had a paid job throughout those years but we made the decisions we believed were the best for our family and that’s all any of us can do.

I find it very interesting how many people who say they were SAHM's actually went back to work once the children were either firmly established in primary school, or when they went on to secondary education.

When my were very young, I met a lady who had two pre-schoolers and two in the mid - late teens. Her older ones were doing brilliantly and I asked what she recommended and was surprised with her reply.

'Anyone who cares' she told me ' can look after a baby and even a toddler parents, g.parents, professionals in nursery,etc. Unlikely to have any sort of bad impact on baby. However, it is when they become teenagers that it is important to have a parent at home, able to give them time, whenever they are appear to want it. No use, when your teenager comes to say they want to talk about something to say 'Ok, in a moment, when I have peeled the potatoes, done the washing, answered this work call' -that is slamming the door in their face. So,' she concluded', 'work if you wish to and must during their earlier chidlhood, but try to be there at home during those early teenage years'.

Stayed with me what she said, and I was there for all of mine until they left home for Uni -and must say, that there was a lot in it - the very sudden demands on my time as teenagers did need to be met immediately.

Life was difficult in our home during most of their teenage years, my marriage was breaking apart, hubbie was so very bitter about his illness and taking it out on all of use. Money non-existent. But, I am glad I managed to stay around for them - did odd jobs, ironing, free paper deliveries, etc. etc. but always there when they were not at school. They have all turned out so very well.