Can we talk about Stay at Home Mums

I was a stay at home mum in the seventies married young and loved being at home. I was lucky hubby had decent job but after a couple of redundancies.Knew it was time to get going properly worked part time at first and gradually built my hours up. Hubby is three years older than me and now he is two years off retirement and I’m working more hours than ever!

I was a stay at home mum too, that’s what we wanted at the time my husband was earning good money and I looked after our two children happily and also looked after my ill mum, each to their own of course, but I wanted to stay at home and didn’t want anyone else looking after our children,

I was a stay-at-home mum until my daughter started school. I then took a part-time, term only job, and continued in that job for 24 years. I’ve never regretted spending those special years with my daughter.
When she had her baby 9 years ago she told me one day that she didn’t want to go back to work (she’d had a very well-paid and demanding job which she loved) because she loved being a mum so much. She asked how I managed not going back to work. We had a long conversation ‘difficult financially’, ‘there for important events - first step, first word, etc’, and eventually she took the same path as me.

Very few nurseries when my children were young, couldn't recall one anywhere near where I lived. DH worked very variable hours so basically couldn't count on him being home to look after children. Having older parents was something I too had to deal with. Did though manage a part time job when youngest was 9. Quite a time ago I listened to an economist who said the constant increase in all things being driven by demand was driven by people having more money. The item was about housing mainly. He was convinced that since more mothers had gone out to work there was more household money and builders recognised this hence the increase in the cost of housing. If the male in the household continued to be the only breadwinner then their skill would have been more in demand and greater rewarded and the household income would probably be the same as the two. He covered situations such as males undertaking the roles seen to be dominated by females at the time. Have we made a rod for our own back undertaking household, child rearing and work roles?

I think the children ended up with better parenting from me because I did work. Horses for courses - it would have driven me nuts being at home all day with them - I admire anyone who managed it

I stayed at home in the 70's with 2 children under 2. I found it difficult not having much money and a husband on shift work but was always around to take them to school and out and about. I didn't go back to work until they went to comprehensive school and only worked term time as a temp secretary but it was nice having my own money to spend on them.

biba, none of my friends ever expressed a desire to further their education and were then denied the opportunity by their DHS.

There was one who ran off with her lecturer which the husband wasn't too chuffed about but he was such a stick in the mud that no-one blamed her.

I have a friend who had a husband who didn't want her to work. She shouldered the household burden while he did first an MA, then a PhD. It never WAS her turn to return to university and finish her studies. Then he left her for another woman. He paid the bare minimum of child support. She is now 60, living in a tiny apartment with no prospect of retirement for at least 5 years.

I stayed at home with my children, because I couldn't bear the thought of not being there for them. Plus I loved being with them. I never understood how people found their kids boring. I was much more bored by the adults that I had worked with. My kids frequently exasperated me but never bored me.

When we were pretty much newlyweds my husband said 'If we ever have children, please don't consider going out to work'. Naive me actually wondered how on earth that would be possible but he had obviously seen it trending amongst his workforce. Many years later, when youngest was 12ish, I started renewing my interest in employment. When we had the conversation I only remember him saying 'Well, if they're sick, I can't take time off work'. Fair enough. Luckily, that was never tested. However, when the kids had gone and I was the higher flier, I sometimes would say that he better not get sick as I couldn't take time off work. We would thoroughly laugh and through his look of chagrin I reminded him that he wasn't 'awful'. Just a man of his time. Happy days indeed.

I wish I could turn back the clock and stay at home with my children. Unfortunately not an option as husband not a keen worker, though lovely in many ways. Had to return to work when DS was 7 weeks old. I’ve never really got over it. It’s all much better now for mums.

I would like to add that being a full time mum is the hardest, yet most rewarding job in the world.
Unless it’s a financial necessity, why would anyone deny themselves that experience?

I stayed at home until both boys were in secondary school & then went back partime. Went back full time when youngest went to college.







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Dchoo

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yes for ten years, I had three children under five. We were poor though, I had two pairs of trousers which I alternated, and was lucky enough to have a silver cross big pram, one in it, one one top, and the eldest walking by the side of me.
It was a joint decision, and the key element is choice.
As soon as the youngest started secondary school, I returned to nursing doing nights at first, then after an induction period/further study full time days.

Thank you, kittylester, for starting this thread. I thought I was almost the only one on here who wasn't a teacher or had a career!
I still think that bringing up children is one of the hardest of jobs.

We have just the two children, (1972 & 1980), Now have five DGC, aged between 3 & 18 years.
My DH had a demanding job, working long hours.
We have a large extended family, so there was always someone needing help & support over the years, (still is!!)

I did have part-time, low-paid, jobs after our youngest was at school until I retired almost 15 years ago.
(how can it be that long, how did I get to be almost three quarters of a century old)....!!.

As others have said, "each to his own",

I always worked part time once the kids were born. I had 4 so it was hard work and I was often exhausted. However, it was good to put them through private schools I have to say. I loved the holidays when we were all home and you didn’t have to rush in the morning bundling the kids off to school. Once I retired I really missed work - for approximately 24 hours !

Didn’t go out to work after I had my children. In those days, 1950s few wives worked. A friend did decide to get an office job. By the time she had paid train fare, decent clothes, lunches and paid to have her children looked after she was worse off financially.
I made all my and daughter dresses, boys shirts, knitted all our woolies. Joined the WI, was a friend of our local hospital, grew all our vegetables and fruit. My husband had poor health as a result of being injured in the Normandy invasion so had to care for him.
A neighbour was shocked when I said I never went out to work. Her job. Sitting on a line filling up bottles of Jeyes Fluid!

I was until youngest started school. I then worked as a playgroup leader which fitted in with school. I then went on to manage an after school club and also volunteered at a playscheme.

Stayed at home for 8 years which included looking after the children until they were into school and getting A Levels and a degree part time. Then worked school term times for 2 years and then, one year on post graduate course, then full time.

I was a SAHM until the youngest of my three children went to secondary school. My DH had higher earning potential than me and was away quite a bit in the early part of his career. I thoroughly enjoyed being at home and once I'd learned to drive I took them all over in the school holidays as well as all the after school activities. My parents didn't live locally and were older than my in laws so I couldn't have called on them in an emergency. Once I felt that the house wouldn't burn down when they all came home from school I returned to part time work at the age of 46 and retired at 60. I loved being back at work as felt as though a new phase of life had started. I love retirement too!

I had both my children in the mid 70's, had no family living close by and DH was in a demanding job in another town which meant he could not help with school runs etc. Once they went to school I did voluntary work but did not go back to work fulltime until they were both in their teens. Luckily DH was in a good job. We may have been better off financially but we felt the time spent with our children was more important.
DD and DIL were in the same position with SIL and DS having to travel anywhere in the world - until Covid. At least they don't have to juggle home schooling and working from home.

LauraNorder- perhaps neighbours and OH's colleagues. That was certainly the case in the 70s. Remember Educating Rita?

I was warned when I started my full time Uni course that I was putting our marriage on the line. Because every single married woman on the course for the previous 10 years divorced during the course- as their husband just could not take it and would not support their wives.

So far, LauraNorder, the discussion has been pleasant and interesting. Showing how different we are, without value judgement- so was that really necessary?

I have 4 children & always worked part-time in the evenings when my husband came home I went off to work,filling shelves,cleaning etc worked some weekends too because in those days it was time & a half for Saturdays ,double time on Sundays.......we needed the money.We didn’t get any handouts & lots of my friends did the same.....worked when they could.I’ve done a variety of jobs....fruit/veg picking,sprout trimming,worked on the line trimming turkey at Bernard Matthews but I lived out in the country & that’s what we did....all in the evenings or weekends.

I had my 3 children in the early to mid 80’s, and was a stay at home mom. I was an only child, who’s mother always had to work because my dad was ill a lot. So I was never in my own home with my mom, I went to my nans a lot. As I got older I’d be here there and everywhere.
I hated it, and decided if I had children, I’d do things differently.
So gave up work as soon as I had my first child.
I did eventually go back to work part time. My husband worked for himself so could always pick the children up from school if needed.
We did struggle financially, but it didn’t cross my mind to carry on working.
My own daughter went back to work and my grandson went to nursery, which I have to admit has worked out well, he loves it.
But times change, moms these days all seem to return to work.
All my jobs had to fit in with the children and running the home. So I’ve never had a wonderful job, but have enjoyed them.
I don’t think the children appreciated how lucky they were to have their mummy there all time. I enjoyed being at home with them, and never regretted my decision.