Uncomfortable moments in other people's houses

Good one dragonfly!

It's been a tonic reading these today MissA!

It was my first meeting with my American boyfriend's mother. Things were a bit tense and we were making small talk in the kitchen. She was talking about the bf's brother who always had the same thing for lunch every day. I heard her say "Every day, Monday to Friday I have to make him F***ing Nutter sandwiches!"
I thought to myself, "oh this is going to be fine", relaxed and started dropping a few expletives myself.
When the mum left the room, bf, with a slightly panicked look on his face asked me if I should maybe tone down the language. I said, "but your mum used the f-word!".
He then explained to me that there is a sandwich in America made of peanut butter and marshmallow fluff (I kid you not), called a FLUFFER nutter sandwich!

Not strictly in someone's house, but I was driven to a residential conference where we were housed in a holiday camp, having to share these tiny bedrooms. The girl driving me just did not stop talking all the way from London to Swansea, all about 'I said to him, and he said to me' about her husband. I couldn't get a word in edgeways and was desperate for a spot of silence, so was horrified to find I had been allocated the same room as her. There were just two very narrow beds and a thin strip of dirty carpet between them. We went to bed, and finally the talking tailed off, to be replaced by loud snoring! I woke first and was keen to get to the bathroom first. As I got out of bed in the dark, I put my foot on something soft and squashy, which was such a shock that I fell over, crashing to the floor, but even that didn't wake her. When I came back from the loo she was awake and had put the light on. I could then see that what I had stepped on was the silicone breast prosthesis from her bra, which she had discarded between the beds!

We go back into the other room and as I enter first, Himself behind me with the Hotpoint board

Oh, that is just so funny Urmston ??

My BIL was an electrician and he was working in a house and had to lift all the floor boards in the hall to service a fault in the wiring. He was under the floor and the front door bell rang and lo and behold the little Yorkshire terrier belonging to the house ran from the living room to the front door - what happened - yep dog fell right down the hatch. Fortunately dog was unhurt and BIL got a terrible fright as did the houseowner. When I visualise this in my head I do laugh out loud. Dog was absolutely fine BIL got a big fright though.

When first married we made friends with a nice couple in the next street. I invited them to dinner and went to a lot of trouble preparing.I came to about 9.00 and no sign of them so I phoned to see if all was well. The wife was very surprised and said they had already eaten. I had actually confirmed the date with the husband and he hadn't bothered to tell her!They very gamely rushed round and had a second meal.

My now ex and I were invited for drinks at the home of the parents of our son's schoolfriend. As we stepped over the threshold there was an almighty sound of breaking glass. The hostess ushered us into the drawing room and our husbands went upstairs to investigate.

It appears that a very large priceless, family heirloom, antique glass and mirror-tiled cabinet had spontaneously exploded on our arrival! Anyway we had drinks and nibbles and polite conversation - they're a very nice couple, and after an hour or so we bade farewell to discover our car had been clamped - it was a bank holiday Monday and we assumed that it would be OK to park.

The poor couple could hardly close the front door on us so invited us back in. After organising the release of the clamp which would take hours, we all decided to go out for an early dinner to a Chinese restaurant, it being the only place open at 6pm on a BH Monday. We finally departed company around 10pm.

We were never invited again!

Another time my husband invited a young man he worked with to bring his wife for a light supper. We often had macaroni cheese for a light meal so I thought this would be easiest.
When I served it up they looked at it for a while then asked what it was.They had a taste then poked it round the plate and ate no more.

When I was fourteen, I was at my best friends house. At some point I went upstairs to go to the loo. When I came out her father lunged at me, pinned me up against the airing cupboard door and tried to kiss me. I repelled him, went downstairs, and nothing was ever said.

For as long as I can remember, I have always felt uncomfortable in other people's houses and I really didn't like it when I was a child and my parents had visitors! It wasn't too unbearable with certain people (those I liked) but with others it was absolutely intolerable, and as a result, I was often badly behaved! I always knew I was different to other people, but I didn't find out exactly why until I had my own children! When my son was 7 (he's now nearly 26) he was diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome. The consultant who diagnosed him recognised the signs in me and suggested a website for me to look at. It took me right back to my childhood - a place I didn't want to revisit! At the time, I was attending a psychiatrist for depression, as my family had moved to a new area where I didn't know anyone - making friends has never been easy for me as I am not naturally sociable and rather introverted! I got a formal diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome and retrospective diagnosis of ADHD in 2004 - it explains a lot!

Grammaretto

*Kate*, your story reminds me of a time we were at a rather refined dinner party in a leafy suburb of Edinburgh. The hostess was the mother of a friend and her new husband was a retired professor.
During the delicious meal, I kept hearing an owl hooting and asked everyone to stop talking and listen.
There it goes again. Is it a tawny owl or a screech owl? Listen.
"I think it's my nose" said the elderly professor, and it was..

This has made my day.

In Primary School, my best friend was the headmaster's daughter.

I was at their house one day, and needed the loo. Their house had a dog leg staircase and at the top of the stairs, was a toilet.

I rounded the dog leg part of the staircase, to be confronted with the toilet door open, with MY HEADMASTER sitting on the loo, white pants around his knees, and reading a comic.

He just said "hellooooo" and shut the door.

I made an excuse and went home, and couldn't face him for months afterwards.

The owl story reminded me of when I took my new puppy to a big family gathering for a special occasion. Everyone cooed over him because he was so small and sweet. Then a cousin said loudly 'Oh listen to him trying to growl!' - but it wasn't the puppy growling it was an old aunty who couldn't breathe properly and I had to tell the cousin this in a quiet undertone.

On sunny weekends my DH was in the habit of announcing he wanted to have a BBQ and would invite all the neighbours - very often there was more liquid refreshment taken than food so the downstairs cloakroom was frequently engaged.

One rather inebriated neighbour said he was desperate and could he use our bathroom. After everyone had left and we were getting ready for bed we found the neighbour had mistaken the bath for the toilet and left an unwelcome deposit! I left DH to clear up the mess and thoroughly clean the bath and banned any future BBQ attendees from using the bathroom!

These are making me cry with laughing. We all need cheering up in these times.
I’ve a few. I went to visit my recently single brother and his newish girlfriend. I’d taken my elderly dog intending to walk her as afterwards. We’re all chatting away all getting on well over coffee and my dog walks into the middle of the living room circles around and does a great big poo on the carpet, new gf is trying to be nonchalant and cool about it whilst her eyes are popping out of her head. I hastily clean the poo up and we open the windows explaining that my elderly dog has incontinence problems. That was her introduction to our family - she didn’t last.

A work friend of my mums invited her and me us round for coffee - her husband was well known for being tight with money. She made us a drink and went through all this palava about measuring out the coffee and milk and talking through a dialogue of “right if I make you both a coffee with milk I’ll just have enough milk for Jim’s tea” Them she gave us half a scone each and again she talking through - “I’ve just got enough scones for everyone if James (son) doesn’t have one. Well by this time we hand our half a scones back feeling like we’d be depriving not only her husband of a cup of tea but her children of the scones and beat a hasty retreat.

We were invited to my DHs work colleagues house for a meal. We had to be there for 4. I was recovering from a migraine and the house was stiflingly warm. Come 4pm and we were dished up a full 3 course meal of broccoli and stilton soup, followed by a roast with all the trimmings, followed by apple pie and custard. 2 courses in and I had to go outside to get air as my poor post migraine tummy wasn't happy! I lay down and stretched out in the dark on the decking with one hand in the cool water of the pond! I did survive the 3rd course and we found ourselves leaving at 9pm as the evening was over!

I had just qualified in my role and was doing home visits. The first few days were ok . I knocked on a house to take some details from an elderly man . His wife answered the door and I asked as I had done in all my previous home visits should I slip off my shoes ?
As soon as I was through the door I realised the error of my ways - the house was filthy. Sadly likewise the chair I was offered to make my notes. I took those out of the file and sat on my ringbinder . Lesson learnt , never take off your shoes for a 1st visit.

Our wealthy friends once invited us to dinner at an upmarket hotel. I sat opposite our host. When the food arrived it looked wonderful. The waiter put my plate in front of me and I put a forkful of the food in my mouth. It was burning hot, and blistered my mouth badly. Unfortunately because we were in a posh place with our generous friends I could not say anything. There was no water on the table so I had nothing to cool it with. I asked our host to request some water which he did , and when it arrived I was able cool my painful mouth with it. It was difficult making polite conversation and eating the now cooled food, which I could barely taste because of the pain.
I must have looked weird drinking gallons of water with every bite. Moral: always make sure the food you get is not boiling hot.

When my daughter started school she made friends with another little girl and asked if her new friend could come round to play after school one day and stay for tea. As we arrived home and I opened the front door the little girl rushed in before me, snooped around the rooms and said, 'it stinks in here, I want to go home'. I marched her back home and told her mother she didn't want to stay because my house apparently smelt. She wasn't asked round again.

This is my mother's story. When she was a little girl she and her mum went to visit a lady in a posh house. The lady gave my mother a raw carrot to eat! Mum would have preferred a cake. Anyway she did her best to eat it but found she couldn't swallow the chewed up carrot. She excused herself and went upstairs and spat the carrot behind the dressing table. For years she expected to be found out, but never was. Lol

Another one - we went to a party with some of DHs work colleagues and friend - posh flat in Islington, London. All is going well when the married male host who’s getting somewhat sozzled starts fondling a male guest -also married and a fairly well known academic at the time - he invited him to sit on his knee, telling him he’d always fancied him - well, the room went silent all eyes on this strange spect unfolding before us - we didn’t know whether it was a joke or what? Quietly everyone got their coats and went home.

Strange spectacle

There are some great comments on here. Made me laugh out loud.

Thank you, MA. You deserve most of the credit for this joy. Many have contributed but...... you invited us to the party. Terrific!

On my first visit to meet my boyfriend's parents, I was given 'heart' to eat for dinner. Beforehand I had been asked if there was anything I didn't like and I had said 'liver'. Unfortunately, I didn't like heart either.