Uncomfortable moments in other people's houses

lemongrove
He was a perfect Gentleman, just handed them back , and didn't seem in the slightest embarassed .....unlike me.

My first child who was about three at the time was given her Childrens Vitamin C tablet to suck like a sweetie as she had a bad cold. Instead of sucking it she stuck it up her nostril and I could'nt get it out. In a panic I took her to the doctors surgery where we had to wait in the waiting room that was full of people. We had been there a few minutes when my daughter had the biggest sneeze and there, suspended in all the gunge hanging from her nose, was the vitamin pill. Never been so relieved in my life. The people in the waiting room had a good laugh and the doctor had one less patient that day!

Easyozi

My first child who was about three at the time was given her Childrens Vitamin C tablet to suck like a sweetie as she had a bad cold. Instead of sucking it she stuck it up her nostril and I could'nt get it out. In a panic I took her to the doctors surgery where we had to wait in the waiting room that was full of people. We had been there a few minutes when my daughter had the biggest sneeze and there, suspended in all the gunge hanging from her nose, was the vitamin pill. Never been so relieved in my life. The people in the waiting room had a good laugh and the doctor had one less patient that day!

That reminded me of when I had to take my youngest to the doctor with a tic tac sweet stuck up each nostril ?

On a bus in the 70’s a beautifully made up transsexual got on. My dd aged about 3 said in a very loud voice “Mummy why is that man dressed in ladies clothes” Everybody on the bus immediately became very busy with their own conversations.

When I was working I'd visited a farm miles from anywhere & desperately need the loo. I was directed upstairs - through the kitchen to a door where the stairs went up.
But there in my path was - laid out in a sheet of plastic was a dead pig!
Managed to step over it - twice - there & back.

When my friend was house hunting she arrived at the property at the agreed time. The Man who answered the door kept disappearing up the stairs and coming back down again. When it was time to view the upstairs he ushered her into the main bedroom and their was his Wife sitting drinking a cup of tea and greeted her with a friendly hello. Was She ill I asked apparently not She just could not be bothered to get up!

A friend of mine was queuing in an upmarket butcher's shop. She released a rather fruity windypop and tried to cover up the source by scraping her rubber sole on the floor to simulate the sound. "Nice try, love" said the butcher "You don't fool me".

Slightly off piste but connected to the last post, once at a multi disciplinary team meeting the latest young Doctor to rotate to us in his training, farted and tried to cover it up pretending it was a creaky chair. He'd not taken our Consultant into consideration. She glared at him and said, 'Don't be ridiculous of course it was you'. Poor man. He didn't last long at the sharp end.

Years ago I went to stay with a friend from college one weekend.
I asked if there was a towel for me as I was going to have a shower and there was only one in the bathroom.
My friend went to ask their mum.
Through the wall I heard the reply, "What's wrong with the towel that's in the bathroom? It's good enough for the rest of us, does she need one of her own?" ?
I did stay there again, but always packed a towel!

Many years ago my then boyfriends sister in law asked us for dinner.I came straight from work,had no lunch and was starving.When we arrived we were offered a cup of tea,and she asked if we would like nuts or tangerines, you've guessed that was dinner

Many years ago i worked in a very posh house once a week.
I knew the couple very well and i worked for them for over 15 years.
Went one the same day every week at the same time.
I walked in one day and there was the husband in bed with another women.
I promptly turned around and said i will leave you to it then
but please tell so n so i won`t be coming back.

hilariousl chewbacca..mine is also wrongly embarrassingly thinking something was a joke..(rather than in a house, so bear with) ...I was handed an envelope at xmas by my DIL's mother with a hilarious name and address on it...how I laughed.. every line a smile and snort
inside were some photos of my first grandaughter and yes it was her name and address...

On a crowded bus we passed a canal boat. My 3 year old son's favourite programme at the time was Rosie and Jim (ragdolls who lived in a boat). He saw them and yelled ROSIE at the top of his voice and everyone turned round. I could do nothing but laugh. It still makes me chuckle now 30 years later.
Another time I was about 11 and a neighbour had just had a new door fitted and she was really proud of it. She asked me what I thought of it and I said I like it but my mum and dad think it looks like a prison door.
This one was the worst thing . I was about 12 and we were having renovations on the house. There was one young very good looking builder and he had a tattoo with 'Mum' on his arm. I said 'Oh, do you love your mummy' he said 'its a memorial for her she's dead' I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. I made my apologies and disappeared and kept out of the way for the rest of the time.

The first time I visited one of my boyfriends family home, his Mum gave me lessons in how to iron his shirts! I was only about 14!

Soon after we married the inlaws asked themselves to see us. MIL insisted we went into the nearby city. She had never encountered a pedestrian crossing before and as I pulled her back a huge Alsation jumped at her put it's paws on her shoulders and started licking her face knocking her hst off.I could not help for laughing as was every one else .
I got a right telling off and told to be quiet. Which I managed even with her short sightedness she bumped into a towering glass shelved display of perfumes and sent them flying .I'm sorry to say I walked away and pretended I did not know her.

Thought that was funny.
My dh took me to meet his parents, my sister in law was there and my dh brothers girlfriend. Thought they were there to give me the once over, but all ok, my mother in law was lovely.

In my years as a postie I often had to deliver letters needing a signature. I knocked on the door of one of my customers where I knew they had a new puppy, so I knelt down to field the puppy whilst he signed for the letter.

Sure enough, puppy bounds in to my arms and I barely looked up to hand him the wherewithal for signature.

What I did notice, though, was that he had a towel round his waist so I had obviously got him out of the shower.

Signature obtained, I guided the puppy indoors, who immediately snatched the towel and ran off with it!

I was still knelt down at this point and he still had the signature device in his hand so couldn't properly cover up. Traumatised - both of us!

I've told this tale before on GN, but it seems to fit the subject!

Out shopping with a friend many years ago, we bumped into a colleague who invited us to hers for a cuppa. The house was such a tip, with piles of stuff everywhere. The colleague came into the living room with a teapot, picked up three mugs from a table, and proceeded to wipe them out with a cloth she picked up from the floor before pouring tea into them. On close inspection, the cloth was a pair of knickers. Dirty or clean, we didn't know, but surprisingly neither of us had time to drink our tea as we suddenly remembered somewhere else we had to be......

Just thought of another after laughing at all the others.
My second DD always repeated whatever you said usually when it was inappropriate.
Mil visiting this time with her second husband decided she did not want the rhubarb crumble I had made as it gave her cystitis. While we were looking for something else for her my DH mumbled something to me not realising DD had heard. When we all got seated again DD piped up" Daddy says it's not rhubarb that gives you cystitis it's him", pointing at the new husband. The DDs and I quickly left for a walk.

two from me!
first was my late mum entertaining brother and sil very posh too they were. Mum laid out tea on a tea trolley in the kitchen ready to take into the lounge then turned round to make the tea only to hear a clanking noise. our dog had spotted the butterfly cakes on the bottom shelf and proceeded to eat the wings off the cake for some reason perhaps did not have time left the cake bottom and icing, and it was the name tag on her collar clanking on the plate! Mum with a straight face then served them as cupcakes!
second was me when I was 17 and living in a pub/hotel. there was a barman living in full time also often had his GF staying over with him. one evening he said he wanted another couple to have a few drinks with him and his GF after the pub closed but there were no buses to get them home after about 4 miles away after 11 so would there be any chance I could stop at their place and they would have my room for the night?
knowing the couple I did not mind at all so being young just trotted off to the bus stop with no luggage of course. by the time I got there popped tv on a luxury to me as no tv in the room in the hotel just a tv lounge downstairs so nice and snug in bed soon fell asleep. never wore nighties in those days so just slept in a t-shirt and knickers.
in the morning wanted to get back to the hotel for my breakfast which was included in my board paid for by social services so I was half asleep just dragged on my jeans and jacket then ran to the bus stop.
only later did I realise my knickers must have come off in the night but didn't really pay much attention to it. just thought the couple would either leave them with barman for me or throw them away.
A few weeks later at lunchtime, I was coming into the hotel which was at the time being painted so full of decorators negotiating scaffolding and ladders when barman yells at me from the landing above:
'L got your knickers you left them in my mate's bed!'
I can imagine what they all thought was my face red!

One we laughed about today in fact.. Dd is now 38 but we vividly remember her saying, quite out of the blue when she must have been six, mil present, “My brother’s willy is the same size as Daddy’s but Daddy’s is a bit fatter.” Mil just ignored it and we cringed. Another time she said, “Mummy calls Daddy the orgasmatron.” Goodness knows where this came from but probably something I said once in jest. She always picked things up quickly and we learned to be very careful in the future when discussing things around her!

A friend and I on holiday with our children were on the beach, chatting to another couple with children. He was a professional conductor and I was trying to impress him with my knowledge of music. I starting giving examples of my husband’s wide taste in music. My friend, bored my attempts to show off, piped up, “Oh yes. Magnolia62 calls it Wanker Music.” I could have died with embarrassment but we still laugh about it, years later.

At college, going to my locker for my lunch (Marmite roll, apple and drink) a girl said 'You must all come to mine for lunch, it's end of term tomorrow!' - so we did. There were ten of us. I'd left my backpack, heavy with books, in the locker, along with my lunch.

We arrived at an immaculate, new house, with little furniture. 'We're in the garden' she said, so we sat on the grass (no chairs) and she brought a jug of water and plastic cups. I thought that was very odd.

Do you all like pizza? Yes, we did. No food appeared and she sat chatting, all about how her brother was home for the summer, they didn't get along, so she'd asked her boyfriend if she could stay.

'I've tricked him.' she said 'I asked him straight after sex, so he couldn't say no. I'm not going home, though, I'll get pregnant and we'll have to get married! (said triumphantly). Oh dear, I did feel awkward. We looked at each other, thinking she was crazy.

Still no food and tummy rumbling, I eventually mentioned that we were due back in fifteen minutes. The doorbell rang, the pizzas (that I'd hoped she was cooking) had arrived and she said:

'That's ten pounds each.' I had no money, they had a little - but the food went away again!

3rd date withBF in 1973- we thought it a good idea I sleep with him in his bed! He was 6years older but told me he was21!! His mum came into bedroom in morning to tell me that my mum had rang wondering if I had stayed there! I said oh ok! She then said( very modern and unbelievably understanding)" I don't mind you staying but we must have proper sleeping arrangements" yikes! We were together 3 years more he was great fun but not a drop of ambition and I literally outgrew him!

Oh I was 17....just