Uncomfortable moments in other people's houses

This happened at my aunt and uncles house, and I was never allowed to forget it. We were having tea when there was a knock at the door. I jumped off my chair, ran behind the settee and stage-whispered,"Sh, be quiet and hide, it's the rent man. My aunt delighted in telling everyone about it for years. I must have been about 3 at the time. My mother was furious.

This happened to a friend of mine.....
He worked for a company that rented out tv sets, and he was the repair man. He went to a really run down house which has several tenants. When he knocked on the door someone shouted for him to go in. The man and woman were in the bed. She got out of the bed, went over to the part where the sink and cooker were, put the kettle on, then picked the dirty cups off the table, swilled them under the tap, gave them a shake, put them back on the table. Started to slice the loaf, put margarine on,then jam. Made the tea, then took a cup over to my friend who was busy taking the back off th tv (This was long ago, when tv's were huge square things) then she gave him a jam sandwich. John didn't like to say no, but the place was filthy, and the couple were very rough, so he said thanks, and carried on working. When he finished he put the sandwich into the back of the tv and left as quickly as he could. He said that he would rather leave the job than go back there again.

In the 70s during the troubles we invited 2 officers for a meal.They arrived with their bodyguard who sat in the other room. Before we sat down one of them went into the kitchen and seemed to be snooping in the cupboards. I asked him what he was doing and he replied that he was looking for somewhere to hide the guns as it wouldn't be right to wear them during their visit. Eventually he found a basket of carrots under the sink and the guns were hidden away.

I was 18 and boyfriend 20(now DH) were invited to his uncles flat in London. We live in the sticks in a very small town.
Before we went Dhs father said watch out they do things different down there.??
We arrived at the flat and the uncle said I'll introduce you to the flatmate below as we were all going to a party later.
He walked into the flat and opened the bedroom door and introduced us to this man who was smoking in bed.
Lying next to a naked lady.

At the party later we were served stuffed baked blackbirds.

Uncle and his mate were drunk and each brought a lady home.

Thank goodness we were only there for 3 nights. This was over 40 years ago.

The funniest part was the uncle and his mate became a couple.

I've just remembered an incident that happened back in the days when we lived on the canals.

There had been a violent incident on the canal towpath one night involving a group of drunken/drugged-up youths.
OH was injured, and the next day, a police officer came to the boats to take the details.
While the policeman was sitting inside, asking questions and taking notes, DS1, age 4, was quietly playing in the corner with some plastic farm animals.

During a short pause, DS1 suddenly grunted then announced loudly and clearly for all to hear: "There's a pig in here!"

After a moment of shocked silence, we tried to assure the PC that it was pure coincidence, that he was only playing with his toys, and had certainly never heard us or anyone else call the police 'pigs' (which was true), but I don't think he believed us.

Talk about embarrassing!

But guess what profession our son went into as an adult. I'll give you a clue - it wasn't a farmer ?

Many years ago I was an Avon lady, I was doing my round with my eldest daughter, then aged about 1 year old. I called in to a customer who asked to see the lipstick samples, My daughter was sat on a bean bag on the floor being entertained by the lady's husband while I went through the samples with his wife.
My Daughter was very well behaved and I could hear the husband saying 'Thank-you' 'Thank-you, as he played with my daughter.
When I got up to leave, the husband saw me to the door, watched me put daughter in her pram , then said ' I think these are yours, and gave me a handful of Lil-lets tampons. My daughter had taken the box out of my handbag while I was busy and handed them to him one at a time, hence all the thank-you's.
I took them and put them in my pocket, I think that my face was redder than the lipstick as I left.

That is so funny, sevenkidsnotv ?

My DH and I were invited to dinner at an aqutance house. We were given a sandwich with the thinnish piece of ham inside and a one inch size sausage roll. I was asked if I would like another sausauge roll and said "Yes please, she said "Oh no you cant have one because you wont èat any cake" , we were never offered any cake! Never saw them again!

My DH ànd I met a couple on holidaý and she insisted we keep in touch. After a long plane journey home our phone was ringing as we walked through the dòor and it was the lady to say she had the day off work three days later and would come to see us. They arrived at ten thirty in the morning and left at nine oclock at night, I kept them fed and watered all day. When they eventually left she said you must come to visit us. That is the last we ever heard from or saw them.

Like a girls night out!
I had a meeting at my boss's house along with my male colleagues.
His beautiful caring wife also had to put up with the invasion of her home.

They were hosting another party at the weekend & she asked;

'Do you know how to make Garlic Gip? "

"Garlic Gip? Garlic Gip? No I've never heard of it" I repeated the words over aloud several times.

"Oh you must have had Garlic Gip"

It wasn't until I was driving home that I put 2 & 2 together - this lovely lady had a lisp that I'd completely forgotten.

Still mortified nearly 40 years on.

My husband's brother lived in NZ and in the 70's he decided to take a world tour to visit friends. After staying in America then with us, his next-stop over was Norway.
He always dressed in smart casual clothes but told us that his Norwegian friends were dressed very elegantly when they visited him in NZ, so he had packed his best suit to wear in Norway. On his first evening they told him that they did not bother to dress for breakfast, so he thought he could leave the suit un-worn for a few more hours.
He had quite a shock when he went down for breakfast and found his hosts both stark naked!
He did complain to us about dragging his best suit all around the world.

i think some of these are a bit of a wind-up...

no name, no pack-drill

Best thread I have ever read on Gransnet, and haven’t stopped giggling all the way through. At times like this, we certainly need lots more laughter in our lives, so keep it up!

Thank you Gransnet you have made me laugh. Much needed MissA.

French exchange visit when I was 14.
Their bathroom had no lock! (why isn’t this illegal??) so I was permanently terrified of anyone walking in on me, either when I was on the loo or trying to have a ‘proper’ wash. Their odd square bath was apparently permanently used for storage - they seemed surprised when I asked to have a bath but I think I did manage it once.
The dad did walk in on me once (wearing only his droopy Y fronts) but thankfully I was decent, and to be fair I’m sure it was accidental.

Friends made on a holiday in France more than 30 years ago invited us to stay in their very elegant house in an extremely affluent area of Glasgow. Just before we left I was unable to flush away some loo paper - the water in the bowl kept on rising. Panicking, I pointed out the problem to their housekeeper who said that it did occasionally block. Despite my reservations she flushed it again. Water cascaded all over the floor so we left hastily. We tried to explain to them but were blanked. Yes, Candy, if you’re reading this, she should have owned up!

I remember answering the door to a neighbour when I was young, who was well known for being nosy. I shouted to my mum when she asked who it was ‘it’s nose disease’. That’s what my dad had called her. I also remember in my teens befriending a girl whose family owned their own business and had a car, very posh. She invited me for tea after college and when we walked in the lounge, her mum was on her knees polishing the brass fender round the fire in full make up and jewellery. She suddenly let rip the loudest fart I’ve ever heard and without any embarrassment said ‘scuse I’ and carried on.

I've just remembered my dad helping out a couple in their garden, and talking to the man, addressing him as "Walter".

He didn't realise the Walter was a nickname, because the man looked like Walter from 'Nearest and dearest'.

Have you been, Walter? Has he been?

Many years ago my uncle was visiting his in-laws in Germany for the first time. His German was very good and he was anxious to make a good impression.
One day his father-in-law asked him if he knew where another family member was. My uncle replied in German 'He's shooting in the woods.'
Unfortunately the German word for shooting is almost identical to the word for sh...... well ahem number 2s which is what my poor uncle had actually said.

WARNING: please do not read this whilst eating!!

One warm July day, two childless colleagues came home from work with me for a meal. My daughters were very young with DD2 still in nappies. She was enjoying the freedom of running around in the back garden without a nappy when she suddenly needed to empty her bowels! Coming to find me in the kitchen, she was caught short, which was embarrassing enough you would say. Before I could clear it up, our dog wandered in and devoured her offering.

My colleagues were speechless!!

sevenkidsnotv

Many years ago I was an Avon lady, I was doing my round with my eldest daughter, then aged about 1 year old. I called in to a customer who asked to see the lipstick samples, My daughter was sat on a bean bag on the floor being entertained by the lady's husband while I went through the samples with his wife.
My Daughter was very well behaved and I could hear the husband saying 'Thank-you' 'Thank-you, as he played with my daughter.
When I got up to leave, the husband saw me to the door, watched me put daughter in her pram , then said ' I think these are yours, and gave me a handful of Lil-lets tampons. My daughter had taken the box out of my handbag while I was busy and handed them to him one at a time, hence all the thank-you's.
I took them and put them in my pocket, I think that my face was redder than the lipstick as I left.

That’s so funny?and just what a little one would do!
Wonder if he managed to keep a straight face?

LovelyLady

DH and I were invited to dinner at friends home. She and her husband were good friends but we’d never been invited to dinner before.
We were greeted at the door and she had uncooked potatoes and a pot in her hand. She asked if we wanted 1 or 2 potatoes. They were small potatoes and my husband could have eaten all the potatoes himself. I had 2 tiny potatoes, a tiny slice of salmon with a slice of lemon and 6 string beans. The starter was a thin slice of melon and pudding was the fruit bowl. After coffee she passed around a box of chocolates - one each of course. On our journey home we had fish and chips. Our friends always eat a decent amount at our home and still do. We haven’t returned to their home although we’ve been invited.

We have had the exact experience LovelyLady with exactly the same food on offer.?
We stopped at a motorway cafe afterwards on the long journey home, we were ravenous.

Oh Chewbacca that made me laugh.