Oh Namsnanny please don’t beat yourself up for this. We all have things in our life which we would change if possible. We are all only human and make mistakes as we go along.
C.S. Lewis said something to the effect that we must forgive ourselves as God forgives us and we cannot hold ourselves higher than that.
Even if not religious, it’s a good thought.
God bless you (or whatever means something to you)
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