Did your parents have a favourite child?

songstress60

I am interested in knowing if any of the people on this forum had parents who had a favourite child, and it if affected their life. Were you the favourite child? Were you the unfavourite child?

I come from a family of 3 daughters and the middle daughter was definitely my mum's favourite. In fact my mother told me that after her birth which happened when I was 2 years of age I became a "jealous little bitch". She said that I spoiled everyone's childhood, but I feel that she made a real favourite out of my sister right from the start. My dad actually told her off about it because when my sister was a baby she would put her to bed and nobody was to disturb her while she bonded with her daughter. He said I did not get a look in at all. She was resentful of my youngest sister who was an accident, and always favoured my middle sister who could do no wrong in her eyes. When my sister bought her first home my mother's housewarming present was a vanity unit, a fitted wardrobe, and a dressing table. My housewarming present was a set of cat ornaments from a charity shop which I got rid of after her death. After she had been married 3 years my dad bought her some new rings:- a new eternity ring, wedding ring, and engagement ring. You would think she would divide the 3 old rings between the 3 of us. No! She gave my middle sister her ALL 3 of her old rings. I know I am not the only unfavourite child. A friend and work colleague of mine deliberately only had one child because of all the favouritism her mother bestowed on her sister. My other friend was also the unfavourite child who decided to have no children after having a miserable childhood where she felt second best. I would love to hear of other gransnet readers eperience of this, and if any of them as parents actually have a favourite child themselves?

I have four children and five grandchildren. I love them all equally but differently cos they're all individuals.

I couldn't favour one over another.

My Mum asked me about a year ago - did I notice my middle brother was her favourite child when we were children?! I said no as I genuinely hadn't noticed. She said he was the best behaved!

We have a family saying, I was an only child and still not the favourite!

There was no excuses, children shouldn't be born if they are not wanted.

A sad situation but one I learnt to live with, my AC can see now what I mean as it is still true to this day sadly.

Most definitely. It was my younger sister. Still is. My dad (when he was alive) even admitted as much to my husband, who promptly told him to shut up and that it was "my wife you're talking down there". It has always been my sister. However, I have to say that I was very lucky. I lived with my nana until she died when I was 6. I also lived with my mum and her two sisters (my dad worked away at sea). I was loved so much by my nana and one of my mum's sisters in particular that I never felt "left out" at all. I was also loved and adored by my grandad (my dad's dad) and so although I have never had a good relationship with my mum and dad, I never felt unloved. I have unfortunately lost my nana and grandad (both at a very early age) but I still have my my mum's sister who I am very close with and who I refer to as my "real mum :-)". There is a lot of jealousy between me and my sister, and yet funnily enough, it is her who is extremely jealous of me and not the other way round. How funny life can be eh!!!

I was the only daughter, with two brothers. My mother told me the first one is special. I was number 2. She had a picture of my eldest brother as a baby on display. I was never the daughter she had anticipated having. Fortunately for me I was the apple of my dads eye, we had a great relationship. Years later I have realised she was probably on the Autistic spectrum, many traits she had are all indicative of this. I try and not mind all the hurtful things she said and did. I also decided from a young age that I would try and make sure I learnt from it. She was very jealous of the relationship I have with my daughter. I love both my children equally.

Hi
Yes my Mother was definitely not maternal, it still effects me it had a knock on effect on the rest of my life and the decisions I made. But she had a soft spot for my brother.

Not just 'not the favourite' of the four but the one most actively disliked but the feeling was mutual so I'm over it now (not).

After my mother dies and my father remarried both my brother and I felt that the other was the favourite. I felt all the available money was being spent on him, sending him off on nice holidays, and allowing him to go and stay in the country with cousins. He felt excluded from the tight little family where we were all having a cosy happy time. He was wrong, it was cold and I certainly was surplus to requirements. I hardly met him during my teens, he was almost a stranger.
As adults we finally started communicating again and we're on fairly close terms now.

I had 4 siblings and the only one my mum showed any affection to was my middle brother as he had severe asthma problems and the darling boy died at aged 17. Mum is 90 now and still hyper critical of anyone who does not agree with her opinions. I recall asking my Dad once why Mum does not stop picking on me and criticising absolutely everything I do. He actually said “ you mother is jealous of anyone who has anything she perceives as being better than what she has”. I lost another brother aged 47, so there’s just 3 of us left. My sister has a house abroad so spends half the year out of the country, and my other brother sadly lost a leg and has a tracheotomy .... so I am the only one Mum has that can consistently visit ?. She still attempts to criticise but I’ve learned to be very assertive with her over the years and I shut her down the minute she starts. My sister and brother still can’t do any wrong, however, there was a period not long ago when my brother did not speak to her for 5 years because of her attempts at controlling and constant nagging. It’s sad but Mum has never learned ....

It was me as I was an only child although I often felt excluded from my Mum and Dad's love affair!!
I have two children and do not have a favourite although my DD may disagree!

I’m astounded at the things my mother said to me when I was a child. Absolutely clueless as to what damage she was doing to me.

Yes and it wasn't me! Ever!

My mother had favourite granchildren, the two eldest from my sister's family and my own. My sister has three children and favours the youngest.

It's all pretty toxic. Nice enough if you are the golden child but horrible if you feel second best.

I always said to my two when they asked, 'Whom do you love best?' that I was lucky to have a pigeon pair, the best boy in the world and the best girl.

My parents had two children, myself (the eldest) and my sister. I was the apple of my Dad’s eye until my sister was born 3.5years later. In his eyes she could do no wrong and everything I did was wrong. He had ambitions for her to become a Doctor (she didn’t) and, when we moved house because of his continuous promotions, it always coincided with good times for her to move school not me. I must admit I rebelled against him for years and never felt close to him. Mum always tried to make up for his lack of interest in me. Thankfully, my sister and I generally get on.

Yes there was (and is) definite favourites in the family. My mother favoured the youngest sister out the four of us. The favoured child chose to emigrate 20 years ago limiting contact with all siblings. So, in the end it was the favoured offspring who was estranged. Rarely are there any winners in this toxic situation even for the favourite

My sister was the favoured one. As I grew older I realised this was probably because she spent the war years protecting me - we were bombed out 3 times - and Dad was fighting in the Army. When my sister arrived after the war Mum had time and support to enjoy her baby. There were times when I felt the difference but, on the other hand, I was Daddy's girl as he had missed so much of my early years.

I was one of three girls with two younger brothers. My mother definitely preferred her sons. Luckily I felt more love from my father.

Yep, that was me! I also agree with songstress60 when she says that her mother called her 'jealous' when her brother was born. I am sure as a first child we came as a shock to our mothers, not quite the angelic little dolly she was hoping for. Babies aren't always a delight! My brother however was a little angel, blond curly har, chubby cheeks and a boy, who could do no wrong. A therapist (yes I went to a therapist for an entirely different reason!) asked me if my parents loved me, I answered "I don't think they even liked me" which came as a revelation but it was true. By the time I was a teenager I became difficult, rebellious, snappy, depressed etc. etc. Very hard to love or like. I'm over it now. I do feel for anyone who has been truly hurt by their parents' words and behaviour, it is hard to shake off. Knowing a bit about child development and personality growth has helped and understanding how disappointed my mother must have been when she couldn't cope with a child who had a mind of her own! A bit like plants in the garden, we don't reach our best till we blossom!

I was an only child so therefore the favourite. My parents were kind ,gentle people who spent their lives helping out other people and they did not speak badly of anyone. My grandmother came to live with us when I was about 9 years old. A complete shock to the system. In hindsight she was a caring, kind and loving person who wanted the best for the family but her strict Victorian attitude of criticism rather than praise, bossiness etc. was difficult to live with. I think I was probably too much like her and we frequently clashed. My mother had taken a job and Grandma took over the housekeeping. When alone with my father , I used to beg him to send Grandma away. It was the last thing in the world he would have done, but you don't see that when you are 10. Sadly both my parents died suddenly within a year of each other in their mid-fifties. I was 27. Granny was 79. I inherited Granny and she lived with my husband, myself and our children for 12 years. I ended up having a mini-breakdown. Nothing to do with Granny but I was involved in three businesses, had two teenagers plus an extra one who never seemed to want to go home, Granny to cope with, a home to run and a marriage to keep on track. Granny went to live with her daughter and lived to be a hundred and three quarters. What did I learn from this this? That I come from a line of very strong women and that is something I have passed onto my daughter and grand-daughters.

Yes my mother definitely favoured older sister over me, my sister always said I shouldn't have been born, and hated me up until she died. and my mother never disputed this when questioned. it has affected me my whole life.

What a lot of three daughter families there are on here! I am the youngest of one and have three daughters myself. My older sister (the oldest died at 19) would have said I was the favourite, especially with our father. My mother was a bit jealous. My older daughters would say the youngest was my favourite but I honestly don't believe that. She was the "easiest" as a baby and small child but not any more!

My brother (the only boy) was definitely my mum's favourite and could do no wrong. I was my fathers favourite as I was the baby of the family so this left my sister who was not the favourite of either of them. I think this did lead to tension between her and my parents. I used to feel guilty that my Dad favoured me and I tried not to get his attention so that I didn't anger my siblings. I went on to have only one child but when my 3 grandsons came along I worried I would favour one more than the other. However I didn't, I love them all and they are all different to each other but I definitely don't have a favourite.

Well my mother certainly didn't - and I was an only child!

Blossoming

Yes, I’m the youngest of a big family and was everybody’s favourite child. It does get a bit irksome being referred to as “our baby” in your 20s though

my Mum is in her 60s and is still referred to as the baby by her brothers and sisters and older cousins

My mother’s favourite was always the latest one. As the eldest, I had my time in the sun for eighteen months until my brother was born and so it went on through eight children until my youngest brother was born. He remained her baby until she died, which just made him a pretty useless person. Like others have mentioned here, my mother always favoured the boys anyway and we girls were expected to wait on them hand and foot while they sat around doing nothing!
I’ve never had a favourite, I love my two girls to bits and also my son who came along twenty five years later (second marriage) but they always joke amongst themselves about who is the “fave” I even get birthday cards from “your favourite eldest/youngest/boy/girl”
I just let them get on with it ?