Did your parents have a favourite child?

As an only child I was definitely the favourite!
However I have three sons and I would like to think that I have loved them all, and treated them all equally and still do. My mother on the other hand had a favourite grandson, the eldest. She would buy him presents, but nothing for the others. Also give only him money which he always shared with his brothers of his own accord.
I never understood how she could treat one grandchild so much better than the others.

My parents had what I called two families. Sister 15 years older than me and a brother 13 years. Gap of 10 years then my brother and then me 3 years later. The first two siblings had the best of attention, especially the brother who turned out to be a professional footballer. My childhood revolved around football, accommodation to house equipment for training, travelling to matches or no contact with father at weekends as he was off to the football, even our diets were all geared to football. My sister also had a back seat. My nearest brother was also given all the possible sport opportunities possible but he was more academic and didn't succumb to the pressure. By the time I was a teenager I feel my parents basically had no interest left in what their children did and I was left to make my own way. I was never even given a bike; had to borrow my brothers.

So sad to read all these stories. I am one of 4 and my parents never ever showed they had a favourite and I certainly never felt anything but deep love and joy from them for all of us equally and fairly. Not one jot of jealousy or dislike ever and my siblings are still my closest friends and confidants.
I hope we have given, and are giving, the same unbiased love to our sons and now our granddaughters.

My brother was always the favourite still is mum is 84 I live 1ans a half h I urs away visit regularly sort house garden etc make docs appointments as she's deaf etc .Brother visits once a year and he's the best thing ever .His wife doesn't bother to come as she says no point Mum doesn't even know she's there lol .I am used to it but my hubby gets annoyed as nothing I do is ever quite good enough

Although my mum always said she didn’t have a favourite, it was always quite obvious to me she favoured my younger sister, being 10 years between us, it kinda made sense.
I always knew the pecking order and I definitely was 3rd out of 4. This has just reared it’s ugly head with my mothers recent death and her will. 2 sisters got more than me, a cousin of mine got some and I got some, my older sister got nothing. How cruel is that. When my dad was alive it was always to be split between us 4 daughters equally, and I really think it should have been left like that. All this Will has done has proved everything I always said about pecking order and mum, and spoilt my memories of her.
I have 2 grown up children and would never favour one more than the other, as I know what it feels like.
It’s all rather sad I feel.

It makes me so sad to read these. I was the youngest of 3 daughters, and maybe because there was a big age gap between us, we were all treated the same by our parents.
I had a friend whose sister was very much her mother’s favourite - it turned out that she was the result of an affair her mother had!

An only child here, as was my Mother. I was spoiled with their time and attention but we weren’t well off. Grandma lived nearby and I went for tea every other week when her husband was in backshift. They were much better off and she bought all my school uniforms, paid for me to go on the school cruise and insisted on buying my wedding dress - even though she wasn’t keen that I got married in red!
BF is the middle of 3 and still suffering - elder brother is The Prince and younger sister The Baby. BF gets all the cr*p and no thanks and they’ve falsely accused her of spending their Mother’s savings too freely - but they haven’t a clue how much she does for her.
When my parents needed help it all fell to me, but at least anything I did didn’t involve a family conference/fall out.

I am the eldest of 3 siblings, my brother who is 4 years younger than me who was an absolute terror of a child my mother protected and fawned after him from day 1 but DF couldn’t control him at all so all my DB remembers about his childhood is being smacked and shouted at by DF which is so sad as physically they were like 2 peas from a pod. But my younger sister came along when I was 15 and my DM was all over her from day 1 so I never got a look in with either of them. By that time DF had left home and DM had re married stepfather and the two of them just had DS to bring up. Spoilt doesn’t even scratch the surface, which in turn neither DB nor me could stomach because they went to ridiculous lengths. DS was never encouraged to work unlike my DB and myself. As she got older they even bought her a house so she never paid mortgage or rent in her life and as she had children of her own they spoilt one of those just as much as her. It came between us 3 siblings terribly. They did her house out for her, new kitchen, bathroom etc, bought her cars, clothes, food, anything she desired to be honest, it was sickening to the point it turned her into the most selfish, self centred person imaginable, she was spoiled and loved it, then they started to do the same to her eldest daughter. My mother once told me she loved her most. My brother broke off all family ties which was so sad. When parents got old and ill DS suddenly disappeared one night and said she couldn’t look after them and told me I would have to care for them both which I did. She came to both their funerals but that was about it.
Fast forward 10 years on, brother and myself are now in touch and very close, but neither of us have anything to do with DS anymore. It sad but I think my DM regretted studying DS for all those years in the end because she saw on her deathbed how she had made DS and consequently how she had made her the eternal Peter Pan as she couldn’t grow up but needs constant attention and lies to get every bit of attention out of others. I decided to just have 1 child as I never wanted any child to vie for my attention.

Yes definitely I was the 4th of 5 children and didnt get a look in . My oldest sister and youngest sister were always the blue eyed girls and still are despite the fact that it was me who did most for my elderly parents because of location etc . They are now the blue eyed girls with my brother who is the oldest and I'm generally ignored unless I have a practical use . It used to bother me hearing about the gifts they were all given when they moved house etc while I got nothing but I dont care now . My parents have both passed and I have my own lovely family and I make a point of always treating my children the same . I love them all dearly and they are all different personalities but they are precious . I dont give more to one than the other .

My mother sent a lot of photos of her children to an old friend as requested. I wasn't too surprised to see I wasn't in any of them. I accused her of liking my brothers and sister better than she did me and she didn't deny doing that She said she loved us all the same, only I was such a disappointment to her being as I was. I always loved my mother very much for all the selfless things she did, and try to forget the lapses. It gave me conflicting feelings. I haven't repeated her mistakes in any way, but I have made mistakes of my own. Who hasn't though.

I wonder if this thread has been cathartic for some, or if it has just brought up bad memories.
My brother was my mums favourite and he knew it. He used to ‘flirt’ with her to get his own way. He actually told his wife he felt sorry for me because my mum made it pretty obvious she loved him more than me and would cuddle him, but not me. It made me a difficult child because although my dad adored me, he was unable to show his affection and instead slipped me money. My brother sadly died in his 30s and my mum actually said ‘it should have been you!’ She denied she meant it like it sounded and said it was because I was in hospital at the time and almost died. Anyway, I was always a dutiful daughter and sat with her every day in her final week of life. She asked me to only remember the good times after she was gone, but I struggled to think of any. I have forgiven her now and moved on, but I would say of my 3 children, they each think they are my favourite child because they know what a tough time I had growing up and I often tease them (in front of each other) that they are ‘my favourite’ child and I think/hope they know they are all my favourite children!

I am surprised no one else has said that one of your own children (I have four) can be less affectionate and appear to reject comfort from a very early age. Nothing seemed to help our daughter, our second child, feel valued and even now in her mid-forties she is bitter, jealous of her siblings and has many problems, mental and physical. I can honestly say we love her and have treated her as we did the others but she was very difficult to like because of her personality. It has brought great sadness to us her parents and to her siblings.
I long to be able to put it right but all attempts meet with failure. She was a bonny, smiley and beautiful baby who appeared not to need us. Can anybody out there relate to this experience?

My parents, and in particular my Mother, always said, “My oldest son is my favourite because he was my first born, my daughter is my favourite because she is my only girl, my youngest son is my favourite because he is my baby.” Consequently, we all felt equally loved. My Dad never showed any favouritism either and treated us all equally and was scrupulously fair in every way. This aside, shortly after his recent death the nurse rather tactlessly said something which suggested that I was his favourite. I was genuinely surprised. Bless him, he never showed any favouritism if what the nurse said was correct.

It was hard to tell my mother was a disturbed individual after losing her second child at 3 months. So she had a better connection to my elder brother but as she was so distant it washed obvious.

Now a very good friend’s daughter very much has a favourite and it upsets my friend very much. The favouritism is so blatant but she is in complete denial. Her eldest daughter can do nothing right while her youngest despite lying and stealing from them is sainted. She even has her, her husband and two children living with them rent free as “things are so difficult and they need to save up for a house”. Meanwhile her eldest, partner and two children are left to fend for themselves. It is shocking to see.

I was both middle child of 5 and only girl, my mum always had me doing housework, cooking and babysitting to teach me for when I had my own family! I was the one that took her shopping, had her move in with me when she had cancer, took her for radiotherapy every day for 6 weeks, spent all day at the hospital when she was admitted before she passed away for all this when she did her will she left set amounts between £30,000 and £50,000 to my brothers depending on her favourites and left me the residual only after asking the solicitor if that meant I would get more than her boys and was happy and said good when he said not necessarily she could get nothing depending on when you die

My brother-in-law has three daughters. He started a father of the bride speech with the words "Catherine is my favourite youngest daughter...". Very diplomatic!

There was only the 2 of us & my sister was definitely my mums favourite. On the other hand, I was my dad's favourite!

To lighten the tone, I remember my mother saying what a good baby I was. So much so that she could pop me in the pram and go off for afternoon tea at a big store in Leeds.....
Leaving me at home (!!!) and I would still be asleep on the pram when she returned.

It was only many years later that I thought "blimey! Child neglect big time". I never discussed it with her. Somehow it makes me smile, a wry smile but a smile nonetheless!

I soon realised I was a huge disappointment to her (she had wanted a boy)!

I don't quite forgive her behaviour but we're all human and none of us are perfect ?

I dont know about a favourite child but I know I was the wrong sort of daughter! I had straight dark hair and mum would say that Hayley Mills was the perfect child, with her blonde hair and turned up nose. I had the wrong nose too. Mum would sigh and say I had my dad's roman nose. I remember bringing a class photo home and mum picked out a girl called Vivien who had blonde hair and said she was the most beautiful girl in the class. I believed I was ugly, yet when I look at old photos I see a lovely child.

Dear Downtoearth, I am so sorry you have suffered this terrible loss. I lost one daughter to cancer 10 years ago and so have an idea of the pain but to lose 2 is beyond thought.

Yes and it definitely wasn’t me,I had 2 older sisters,3 older brothers and a younger brother my brothers were always my mums favourites and both sisters were my dads, he even told my sil at my sisters funeral that she was his only daughter noMy mum left me a set of dogs and her wedding ring when she passed away, my dad sold the dogs to my eldest brother and sold her wedding ring in a junk shop, I didn’t find that out till a week before I got married.

I was like an only child I had a brother 16 years older who only lived with me for 2 years till he went in the army at 16 and married at 21. My mother had 2 children in between us but the baby boy was still born and the baby girl died of gastroenteritis. I would have loved more siblings - not to be ?

No - & I was an only child!

My parents didn’t have a favourite. I was the youngest with 2 big brothers. I don’t have a favourite with my children OR grandchildren, but there are some i have more in common with, and consequently enjoy their company more. I haven’t put that very well, but you know what I mean, I hope ?

My brother who was younger than me was the favourite. I think we grew up in a time when the son was the son and heir - definitely if you lived on a farm as we did. My brother was destined to inherit the farm (although it was rented) and as such was the favourite despite me trying to work my socks off for recognition. I told my mother this in later years but she could never see it. I did feel resentful in my younger years but no longer as I have a great life and I feel people accept me for me.

Mum was always determined to treat us all the same, and she did. Dad however favoured me, the middle child. I was the only one of us three girls to be born at home (I was in a hurry) and mum put it down to that causing him to favour me. I could do something and be praised, my elder sister could do the same and be punished. Consequently she didn't like me even though I did my best to cover for her - we all did. Dad just didn't like her. My younger sister was born when my family had returned from Germany and were living with his parents. Grandad definitely favoured her.