Jealousy over daughter's financial situation

If one changes your perspective on a situation, you see it in a totally different light.
Why is she spending so much, is she lonely, perhaps low self-esteem.
Us older ones can show a maturity and stability in our lives by being examples of contentment.
Using our time in improving our inner beauty, through meditation, Bible study and prayer. Then when they find their "stuff" isn't making them happy, where will they turn?
To you. You can be their mentor and their stabilizer. Being an example of good priorities (inner beauty) which leads to contentment.

no

It’s good you’re being honest

But in now way can I relate to feeling jealous of my daughter.

Just a thought: as your next birthday approaches, if she asks you what you'd like for your birthday don't do the usual mum rubbish "oh nothing dear" - instead say "I really want some new curtains" and see what happens!

Despite the shift work and sometime difficult situations that you must have faced in your years of nursing, I bet you could put your hand on your heart and say that you have felt that not only was your career rewarding, but you really wouldn't have wanted another job.
Sadly over the years, nursing that once gave a relatively comfortable retirement with a fairly decent pension when under Whitley Council, the pension that nurses now get has not kept in step with other careers , along with the pay.
I wonder if your daughter can really say that she is enjoying her life? Highly paid jobs often have drawbacks , the main being that many companies assume that you live to work and your job must come over and above anything else.
If your daughter asks what you would like for your birthday, why not ask for things for your house, such as curtains? You could always say that you can't think of anything else that you want and you have seen some that you really really like!
We bought my parents new carpets for the lounge and dining room one year as there was nothing else they wanted, another couple of times we paid for a holiday for them.

Sorry, just re read your original post about accepting money....

Lovely that you have a great relationship with your daughter and the present request idea of the curtains is a good one.

If you own your house I wonder what would be the reaction of the daughter if you happily mentioned going for an equity release/mortgage programme to fund home improvements? Abd if she offers you money would you accept it?

Our daughter is in a very strong financial position and I’m so delighted.
However when a huge HMRC bill came out of the blue 3 years ago it caused them a big problem.
She had £50 a week for food,petrol,etc.
She refused help from us.
They did meal plans, organised their car journeys and cancelled all their social plans.
They got through it without using credit cards.
It was such a valuable lesson for them.

Urm, just wanted to say how impressed and moved I was by your initial contribution. Such compassion, wisdom and grasp of a situation was lovely for me to read. You also expressed it so well. Very moving for me - I'm a softie! - so....... thank you.

Ha! Far from it Urmstongran ?
I'm happy with what I have though, and I don't envy anyone.

schnackie however much or little you have now, you've achieved it by your own efforts and no-one can take that away from you, be proud of who you are.
You say you have a nice life so focus on that.

Why I wonder does your daughter feel a need to tell you about things she's spending huge amounts of money on all the time?
Does she think it will impress you?
Does she move in social circles where this is how people define themselves and each other?
Is she not actually that comfortable with this?
Having plenty of money doesn't always bring peace of mind.

Is that because your loaded V3ra?
Joking of course.
?

There's a huge difference in family income between me and another family member.
To be honest I think it bothers them more than me!

Sara1954 thanks for saying that. After I thought about my reply I was afraid she sounded a bit too perfect, which she of course is not. However I moved to Europe from the US when she was 15 when I was thinking only of myself,(leaving her with her much loved dad, and returning at least 4 times a year) as usual, and we have dealt with those issues over the years, and I'm so lucky to be close to her now.

Great idea welbeck, thanks I'll do just that!

Thank you for coming back and responding so graciously

great minds think alike, Urmst.

She sounds like a lovely girl schnackie

Very clever idea welbeck and actually quite sweet in its way. I like it.

OP, say to your DD that you have a request for your b'day this year. you've got your eye on some curtains, and if she would like to make a contribution towards them, that would be just right. and you will think of her every time you draw them.

schnackie I’m so glad you’re feeling happier tonight. x
Well done you.
?

I wouldn't say I'm envious but having been brought up in the days of rationing I have to bite my tongue when she spends only £120 getting her hair done and orders a gourmet take away in lockdown for a treat. She has also wasted a fortune on presents that will never be used, coffee machine for dad ,designer bags for me although I never carry a bag. She would be very hurt if I said anything but I would rather she kept the money for the kids.

schnackie enjoy the treats

I knew this was the perfect place to air my feelings - thank you to all who replied! For clarification, I am SO very happy and thankful that my daughter is in this wonderful situation, and most of all that her husband is a kind, loving husband who treasures her, and is also an amazing father. They are a real team and even though she doesn't work 'outside the home', he does housework, laundry, cooking, whatever needs to be done for their home and children.
I did not mean to imply that I am envious of her (or maybe that's what I did say ), and I believe Urmstongran was right in saying I am just a bit lonely and missing everyone in my life. My own mother was the same as several of you mentioned - no filter on her mouth and would openly criticise things I did, what I spent money on, my bad relationships etc, so I have made a huge effort to never make judegmental comments to either of my children, and I believe that is a reason we have good relationships today. She tells me these things because, also as Nannarose and Sara1954 pointed out, there isn't much else to talk about and she wants me to be proud of her and her choices. Which is another point I will make - she has never been a careless spender - even when they started out but were financially ok, she bought used children's clothes and furniture, gladly accepted hand-me-downs etc, which is probably why they are not in debt! Anyway, I feel so much better from hearing the sound advice you've all given me, and yes, Nannarose, I have found a very small part-time job online and the little extra for treats is a joy. Thank you all again. Sorry for the long post.

schnackie I learnt many years ago that nobody has it all and shiny nicely wrapped presents aren't always the best. I had 3 children under 5, was recovering from being ill, i had a useless Husband, money was tight and i never had a second to myself, i envied my neighbours across the road, they had a fantastic life in my eyes, great holidays, meals out and came back from shopping trips every Saturday with more bags than they could carry.
Turns out she envied me, i had everything she wanted, she thought my life was wonderful. We all think others have better lives.
Maybe your Daughter's life is not that perfect ( i hope it is perfect) Tell yourself that you are so glad your Daughter wont have the stresses and worries you had.

I think you should try and be happy for her. It’s something you don’t have to worry about, I’m sure you would feel a lot worse if she was living in a dreadful relationship, struggling for cash.
Try not to let it show, my mum was always very resentful, I don’t think she wanted what I had, she just didn’t want me to have it. In later life she inherited a very substantial amount of money, but she doesn’t treat herself, of anyone else for that matter.
She probably tells you about all the things she’s bought, because she thinks you will be proud of her achievements.