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Why do I have to be a ‘Mrs’ or ‘Miss’?

(101 Posts)
WW010 Tue 02-Feb-21 15:24:01

Have just been asked if I was Mrs, Miss or Ms? I said none of those. I’m divorced and do not like the Ms title. But men are just Mr. We don’t need to know their marital status. I read in France that women are Mademoiselle until a certain age and then Madame. I think I’d like that. Quite fancy being a Madame ?. What do you think? Will we ever get rid of the titles?

annodomini Wed 03-Feb-21 17:17:20

When I have to choose a designation from one of those draw-down lists at the beginning of an on-line form, I'm often tempted to choose 'Lady'. If I can choose Mrs/Miss/Ms, why not 'Lady Annodomini'?

AmberSpyglass Wed 03-Feb-21 17:45:54

Let’s do what they did in the French Revolution and call each other Citizen!

silverlining48 Wed 03-Feb-21 17:56:53

Amber sorry but don’t understand why Mrs sounds cold. If that’s what Bijou prefers that is her right. After all she is probably the most senior gran on here.
For Bijou flowers

baubles Wed 03-Feb-21 18:00:27

annodomini

When I have to choose a designation from one of those draw-down lists at the beginning of an on-line form, I'm often tempted to choose 'Lady'. If I can choose Mrs/Miss/Ms, why not 'Lady Annodomini'?

Anno that’s exactly what I do - see my earlier post. grin

earnshaw Wed 03-Feb-21 18:42:17

not sure what the problem is, not being divorced is little bit different, i am mrs and never think anything of it, thats just the way it is, not really concerned that men are always mr

grannygranby Wed 03-Feb-21 18:53:57

The whole point of Ms was to have an equal alternative to Mr. I don’t understand why people don’t like it. When a title is necessary it just says ‘female .. rest none of your business’. I have used it ever since it was made legal in seventies, when I was married, instead of mrs which I thought was embarrassingly old fashioned and loaded.

welbeck Wed 03-Feb-21 19:18:10

i don't mind addressing anybody in any style they wish.
what i dslike is being forced to select a title for myself if i want/need to do anything, re online or printed forms.
it always seemed unfair to me that men's marital status is their business, but women were expected to announce their availability/ whether and to whom they belonged.

Alioop Wed 03-Feb-21 19:27:17

I don't mind Ms as I'm delighted not to be a Mrs anymore, but I don't really bother using a title unless I really have to.

AmberSpyglass Wed 03-Feb-21 19:48:34

silverlining No, I just think it’s odd and rather patronising to expect a family member to use it! In their shoes I probably wouldn’t be sending many letters or cards to someone who expected that level of formality...

welbeck Wed 03-Feb-21 20:04:44

amber, agree;
i thought how lucky to receive actual posted letters/cards, very few people under age 40 ever address an envelope, let alone bothering about titles, esp to a relative.
seems an odd thing to bother about from a family member, where informality is usually seen as a boon. not as if from a business.
each to their own, i guess.

LadyHonoriaDedlock Wed 03-Feb-21 20:47:27

It really annoys me when I have to fill in an online form and it demands that I put in a title/style/honorific or it won't let me proceed any further with whatever I'm applying for.

Years ago I adopted the Quaker practice of not using styles or titles, and I apply that to myself and others. It's really nobody else's business what my marital status is, unless it's pertinent to the matter in hand. Same for my sex, for that matter. Of course, if I am able to use Dr, or Prof, or Cllr, that conveys no information about either sex or marital status.

Dianehillbilly1957 Wed 03-Feb-21 21:29:16

I agree, I'm divorced, but still go by my married name, I hate my maiden name! So I'm a Mrs but not really, and I should be a Ms and don't want to be. I think it's undermining and why do people have to know? I'm liking the idea of being a 'Madam' though!!!!!

Legs55 Wed 03-Feb-21 21:42:28

I have been Mrs since I was 22, 2 divorces & now a widow for the past 8 years I am definitely Mrs, I am 65 now. As widow I shall remain Mrs for the rest of my life.

I have a deep hatred for Ms & refuse to use it.

I don't have an issue with some-one using my first forename as it isn't the one I have always been known by. Medically I am referred to by my first forename as it is on all official documentation but for Hospital stays I always say please call me L****, often Nursing staff ask what you prefer to be called as many people use shortened versions of their name.

I do prefer to be addressed as Mrs Surname by people who I don't know or have only just met but I notice even Drs often introduce themselves using their forename some use forename & surname. I worked for the Civil Service for 17 years which was quite a formal setting

minxie Wed 03-Feb-21 21:47:50

At my last school as a pupil. We had to call the female teachers Madam . I liked that

Kryptonite Wed 03-Feb-21 22:19:59

I would rather go back to the formal Mrs ... than have my Christian names perpetually called out incorrectly in hospital waiting rooms. In school of course, it's still Miss no matter what age/status you are, with Sir for men. How outdated is that?

MissAdventure Wed 03-Feb-21 22:40:58

We had to call our women teachers madam, too.

kjmpde Wed 03-Feb-21 22:58:24

Married but never adopted my husband's surname so I am a Ms. I like the idea of Mme(short for Madame?)

KD1946 Thu 04-Feb-21 18:51:17

At this time this seems a silly discussion to be having. I have been married for 52 years & happily answer to Mrs. When you have two names like mine you are just grateful if either is spelt right.

LancsLass Fri 05-Feb-21 07:54:52

Many years ago, when I filled in the application form for my first internet connection, (AOL, I think) the long drop-down menu included 'Sister' as an option. Well I was a sister, so I chose that. Presumably it was intended for nuns, but it described my status in one way, even if it wasn't the marital one. It still made me smile when I found some old correspondence with that 'title'. I thought it beautifully confused matters! And made a nonsense of women having to declare their marital status, while men didn't.

yggdrasil Fri 05-Feb-21 08:31:47

I won't use Ms either. I ws divorced a long time ago, and have gone back to my maiden name, but still use the title Mrs.
I agree with those who have cited the French (& other European customs). Miss for a young unmarried woman, Mrs for anyone, married or not, of a reasonable age.:-)

Kate2021 Fri 05-Feb-21 22:31:57

I totally agree....I'm divorced,but changed my name by deed poll. I use Ms but I'm going to start just using my name with no title. I think this will not be possible for everything because it will leave a box empty!!

Keffie12 Mon 08-Feb-21 18:37:19

I am widowed. I am a Mrs in my eyes. Woah betide anyone who tries to say otherwise. If its a form and they don't have widowed on it I tick married.

I am not single. I am not divorced. I am married though widowed! End of. Death ended my husband life. It didn't end our marriage. It wasn't a choice.

So put whatever your comfortable with is my response and don't let anyone try and say otherwise. One person tried too once, tell me I was single now. They didn't didn't do it again.

janeainsworth Tue 09-Feb-21 20:41:26

Keffie One person tried too once, tell me I was single now. They didn't didn't do it again
Good for you ?

welbeck Thu 11-Feb-21 23:15:12

just filled in my first form, that demanded a title, selected Mx. first one. was itv hub . good on them.
until we can dispense with all titles...

vampirequeen Fri 12-Feb-21 13:59:32

I love being a Mrs and if love the way that if I feel the need to be really formal I can use my DHs Christian name in my title. Poor men only have one title. I can be anything I choose Ms, Mrs Vamps or Mrs DH Vamps or I can have no title at all and just be Vamps. Choices suit my personality. I may not always feel like the same person grin