Being patronising or maybe not ?

Don’t take enough notice for it to bother me.

Yes it’s annoying when people do this, but it’s often a regional habit and not meant as a term of endearment, just as bad as Saying “have a nice day” or “how are you?”when people really don’t give a toss

A friend of mine never uses first names but terms of endearment instead. She's admitted she does it because she cannot remember names.

On a slightly different note, when I was a supply teacher and didn’t know the children’s names the girls were sunshine and the boys monkey. No one ever objected but I’m sure they would these days!
I personally can’t get away with hun!

Well I can see I’ve ruffled a lot of feathers, and apologies if I’ve offended anyone, it wasn’t my intention.
I’m probably not explaining myself very well, but being called love or pet, or darling by a northerner, seems natural and wholly inoffensive,
Being addressed as sweetheart, or darling in a patronising way, does in my experience seem to be more of a southern thing, but before you all jump on me again, I’m not tarring you all ( myself included, being a southerner) with the same brush

Puzzler61

The one I find irritating is when I am with a group of ladies and someone (e.g. in a restaurant) calls us “you guys”. It is clear we are not guys!
?

...and me!

I think these terms are meant in an endearing way but it grates sometimes, if I think it doesn’t fit. My hairdresser says ‘my darling’ and well....I’m just not a darling!?

I’m a bit with you OP. ‘Dear’ is patronising. I wouldn’t dream of using it especially to older friends. I have one who made this very clear and I saw her point. You are no longer an equal. I don’t think the other slang endearments have quite that tone more misapplied intimacy which can be ok. In the market here everyone is ‘love’. Male female young old. I think ‘m’dear’ or ‘my dear’ is more affectionate. And of course it is the tone in which it is said. ( affectionate or patronising or careless).
After moving up here I had not realised that I occasionally tagged ‘love’ to end to husband children .. close friends... Then one day my German friend said she thought it was very funny and why did I do it. How embarrassing it had become a speech habit I had picked up.

In my neck of the woods, you knew you were a grown-up when random strangers stopped addressing you as "Hen" and stated to refer to you as "Misses'.

I hate, when with a group of women, someone refers to us as "girls". However if someone calls us "Lassies" or individually "lass" I am happy with that

I'm happy to be called anything polite and don't feel irritated by being called by a pleasant soubriquet. Slightly irritated, however, by Sarah1954's comment which implied mouthy know all's were restricted to the south. I am sure they can be found in all parts of the country, even, possibly, in Yorkshire!

Having lived around the country I have been 'Me duck", "Man", even though I am a woman, Pet and flower. I've been asked if I am a marra or an assa marra [meaning I say old chap] and never really minded. Though I do not like 20 odd-year-old Dr's, dentists or hairdressers using my first name unless I have been asked if they can. I don't know why but it irritates.
The other thing that irritates is when letters or cards are addressed to Mrs P ........ my husbands initials it is just too old fashioned.
Anything is better than one part of the country which referred to colleagues and myself as "You Arsie lot", inclusive but not really warming and certainly not something I would use myself especially as it was also used if they thought you were being awkward even shop assistants.

Sticks and stones etc ? I’m afraid I’m one of the guilty ones, everyone gets called ‘luv’ delivery people, dustmen, the very few people I see now!
Bye luvs.....

I object to being called Babe always reminds me of certain piglet and i refuse to answer to it

Ooh yes, being called ‘guys’ when out with my husband is my pet peeve. When I ‘m not being a grumpy old woman, I do appreciate that the (usually young) server is trying to be friendly and I don’t really want to be addressed as Madam either! ?

I've noticed it happening much more as I've got older. I also get 'bless you' a lot, now, which I don't like, seems very patronising.

I think its nice being called duck sug, hun etc, its funny and if its said in a friendly manner than what does it matter, at the moment weve all got more serious worrys to fret over.

Sara1954

I spend a lot of time on the phone, and have been called all sorts, it depends largely on who it’s coming from. I don’t object to a sweet old Yorkshireman calling me sweetheart, but not a mouthy know all southerner. I hate being called mate, but yesterday, I think I hit a new low. Someone on the phone asked me to pass on a message to one of my colleagues, and said, don’t forget will you, there’s a good girl!
Unbelievable!

What's the difference between sweet & old and mouthy?

Is it just geography, Yorkshire v 'the South'

After living in Somerset for many years I became quite used to being addressed by complete strangers as "my luvverrrrrrr". As long as it's friendly I don't mind any pet term.

I totally agree Nanna8, especially by young assistants in shops - I almost feel as though they’re then going to pat me on my head as they send me on my way! And if I make some kind of comment I’ve had them saying “Ah bless” And they do in a special kind of sweet voice.
I’m sure they mean it kindly but it makes me feel SO old and cross. So glad to read you feel the same, such a comfort, thank you.

I like being called these names, I find it warm and not patronising, it’s just friendly, we had visitors from Devon who called our young daughters ‘maids’. I call our children and grandchildren pet names. and I also like my name being shortened by those I care for. What I don’t like though is when formality is expected, eg, I don’t like the bank manager calling me by my first name when I have never met them.

I don't really take much notice. Still, there's a tendency to call older ladies 'dear', 'love' etc. that I suppose we really should object to?

Do you really think people from the South are mouthy? Perhaps it’s a joke. Different places use different expressions.

Beware of me if I call you sweetie... it means I am angry. I have a name, and I hate being called love and hun, especially by strangers.

I used to work somewhere quite remote and we had a daily visit from a man in a van selling sandwiches etc. The word would go round and a stampede for the door always resulted in a long queue. We noticed the seller would always use "my dear" and "mate" to the younger ones and "madam" or "sir" to the older ones. I was in my late 30s and quite taken aback to hear him say to a colleague (older than me by a couple of years) "thanks my dear - enjoy your lunch!" and then turn to me with a serious look and a "yes madam, what can I get you?" I didn't particularly want to be called "my dear" but "madam" was rather galling!

I had a work colleague who only ever called me ‘mate’ when he’d made a mistake or was trying to get round me to agree with him or to do something for him; I knew what was coming next and it certainly raised my hackles then and does now, especially if they’re being patronising. Otherwise fair game.