Lockdown video calls

Its not easey for very young chidren to concentrate on a video call or a telephone call,let them have help to ring you when they want to, not when Mum thinks it is suitable they will not want to break off what they are doing just to talk to their Grandparents, not at such an early age,dont worry, they will soon start to call you spontaneously.

Good idea Cornishpatsy

We looked after our two grandsons aged 2.5 before lockdown so miss them terribly. We occasionally do Zoom but it’s usually a case of chatting to their respective parents with the boys showing us various toys they’re playing with or ‘picture’ they’ve done but it lasts a minute if that!
Last years lockdown Zoom I managed to amuse one of them with one of my ornamental fabric cats ‘talking’ but he was talking to cat not me!!
Would recommend singalongs - Wheels on the Bus is a good one☺️

Do you have suitable books that you could read to them during the calls? We are fortunate enough to have a portal device which links to the TV. It has a story time facility and the first thing our 2 year old DGD asks is 'Please can I have a story'. There are about 20 to choose from but she has a couple of favourites which we are happy to read with her. She probably wouldnt sit still for long otherwise, though like others, they sometimes call at their meal time and she loves telling us what she is eating, and asks us what we are going to have for tea!

During te first lockdown we would have a video call once a week and we thought our relationship with our grandchildren would never be the same. When we were able to see them things quickly returned to normal. I would question the other grandparents seeing them with the current restrictions unless it's for childcare.

I have enough trouble having a conversation with my 17 year old GS. A brief question of if I’m ok, a quick summary of what he’s been doing, or plans to do, then he’s off.
My DD comes on when my 3 year old GD is eating her breakfast, or in the bath. As she’s static she is quite happy to chatter to me, then she sometimes requests a bedtime story.
My 9 month GS bumbles about while I chat to his parents, with the occasional interaction with my face on the screen.
Children live in the moment. They are too wrapped up in their own selves to want people barging in to their world. They will chat if it suits them, or tell you to go away. The idea that this might upset you isn’t part of the process, and doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you.
I’m sure that the relationship will quickly rebuild once we are able to visit ‘in the flesh’ again.

For a 2 year old to understand that the image on the screen is you in real life is extremely hard. Maybe your expectations are too high. If she was in the room with you I doubt if she would be sitting still and having a conversation. More likely that she would be wandering about, picking up a toy, looking at something else, occasionally chatting etc.
Nor can she understand the reason why this contact is so important to you. She's far too young. It's not a snub, just very natural behaviour for her age.
Just wait for her to decide when she can cope with it. My 8 and 10 year old grandsons will chat then disappear and reappear and that's fine. They have difficulty making conversation as my activities ( practically nil!) are alien to them and it can all descend into me asking them things which becomes almost an interrogation!
If your GD likes stories one ploy might be to have a picture book in your hand and casually comment about it, then wait for her to want to see what you are looking at. Eventually she might enjoy looking at it with you.
And yes, I know the feeling of jealousy that paternal grandparents live quite close to them whilst I'm 4 hours down the motorway - though they can't visit at the moment - but I've had to learn to get over that. No other option available!

As someone said to me when I told her that I found individuals in a particular group boring:”You aren’t asking them the right questions.” Try asking your grandchild to show you their latest collection of toys or hair ornaments. If older their latest fashion garment or cricket bat and explain its appeal.

My grandson is 7 & is always asked to call me to thank me for the small gifts I post each week. Last time I got a quick "thanks nanny" & then a distant giggling. Apparently Nanny (via the mobile) had been placed in his giant Batman Robot which he thought hilarious. I was then transported via the Robot upstairs for Daddy to see to which I heard "Why have you put Nanny in the Robot ?" Not a great conversation but still precious moments with my only grandson.
We have to grab what we can take at the moment.

I use video chat where there are things you can superimpose on your face - such as adding ears/hats or making your mouth do strange things. I add an image and pretend I don't know what is happening - keeps the little ones amused for the call. Usually the first thing they ask is for granny to be a bunny etc!

Don't worry about it 2beautBrownies. My GD, nearly 5 is quite likely to shout she's not speaking to me, just like she doesn't like Zoom schooling!! My GS usually shouts "Nana" at the phone then goes off to play. It would be nice to have an in depth conversation with them, but it's not to be. I'm lucky I can see them - just think 10 years ago it would have been unheard of.

Have you tried House Party with the older one? There are lots of games on that. We also do a family quiz (from a quiz book) every Sunday on Face Time - probably not for the two year old. Two is very young - they can't concentrate for long at that age, just a quick wave and blowing kisses should be enough. You will see them again before too long - fingers crossed!

I video with my 4yr old grandson using a Nest Hub Max both ends, so he can play in the room while I watch and he comments on his game and I make suggestions - it can often feel like we're in the room together. The way it works for a friend of mine is she mainly videos to talk to her daughter and the children come in and out and pop up on the camera to make a remark occasionally. But then apparently that's how they are in person when they're actually all together - the children go off to play when they visit and just pop in occasionally to say something lol. I think in both cases the video calls are pretty much functioning as an in-person visit would have done!

It sounds like normal behaviour. If they were actually visiting theyd probably potter off to play or to explore your house after a few minutes rather than sitting talking.

My grandsons (7year old twins ) used to find it very hard to say more than a cursory hello on a video call, but now we have discovered the filters you can add to face time or zoom they stay on for ages . We can add animal faces, funny hats or distorted images etc which have the boys roaring with laughter and begging for me to stay longer . It’s worth giving it a try

Normal behaviour - only two of my five grandchildren participate at all. I don't worry about it but I keep in touch in other ways - sending postcards and video messages via their parents. (They live in Germany so I haven't seen them in person since December 2019!! )

It is normal. Just chat to your son and let your grandson dip in and out as he chooses, as you would in person. When we chat to our son on FaceTime, sometimes our 3 year old GD wants to join in, but not always. Sometimes, she has not wanted to engage at all until it is time to say goodbye - to tease I think! Other times, she is really chatty and my son doesn’t get the chance to say much himself. Our DIL stays fairly quiet, but she is always more reserved.

I think that’s pretty normal lockdown or no lockdown. Two of my grandchildren willingly chat to us, take the camera and involve us in their lives, the other two are very different, sometimes they will chat and sometimes they won’t.

As others have said, it’s hard for children to engage and we’ve had no success with zoom calls. Until a few weeks ago, when DH suggested the oldest (11) did a quiz for the whole family to join in. We do this on a Saturday afternoon and we all love it. The boys, aged 11, 8 and 7 love making up and answering questions. Our 2 year old granddaughter is hilarious- she just runs in and out of shot showing us her toys. Or shouting to her favourite auntie to watch her scooting. It’s lovely, there’s no pressure and it only lasts around an hour.

Thank you so much for this thread! I thought I was the only grandma that my kids wouldn't engage with! Cornishpasty -that is a good idea - I will suggest to my daughter that if they have something special, that she asks if they want to share it with Granny. The times when she does semi-force them to sit and talk with me, the 6 year old girl usually has lots to say but then she still has a slight speech impediment so her mum or dad needs to 'translate'. But then the 8 year old GS will get slightly interested and enjoys just popping his head in and out of the picture, or conversely pushing his sister out of the chair and bobbing up and down so she can't get back in. So all perfectly normal behaviour. Thank you for all the stories and suggestions. I had my first vaccination yesterday and hopefully they will be back in my arms by the end of the year.

Don't over-think it 2bB. That sounds quite normal for small children...... whereas my grandchildren are 13 and 18, and at our last family Zoom the 18 year old was dyeing her hair and couldn't/wouldn't appear, and the 13 year old was playing on his X-box and "in the middle of something".

I didn't take it personally.

As a teenager, I found conversations with my Nan quite difficult when she came to stay for a few days. I remember once, when I was about 13, her saying "I don't like that Adam Faith. He sleeps with his girlfriends" and I was frozen with horror, and just carried on watching TV. She was not a trendy Nan which made it all the worse.

I look forward to seeing my two grandchildren one age 10 n the other 5 on FaceTime. Not seen them in person now for going on for two years. Live at the other side of the world. Can’t visit as we normally try to do n neither can they. It’s not the same seeing them on video. Depending how busy their day has been they can sometimes be talkative or not. The younger one tends to wish to chat when he sees his older brother chatting but it is hit n miss. The other grandparents see them daily so I know how you feel. Try to make your video chats as interesting as possible when speaking to the 7 year old snd the little one is probably just going through a phase. Don’t get upset bout it. She will come round

I gave up trying to video call my 2 GDs in NZ as they never really wanted to talk and ended up fighting or going off. In the end it was more upsetting than never seeing them?

2beautBrownies

Thanks for these responses. I am sure that the only contact with our grandchildren via video calls is causing anxiety in many cases. It is the only contact so of course it creates issues. I ask for a call every fortnight so it is not a case of overload. The children are asked if they want to speak and they say no. The bond of course is broken. I used to ask to see their toys as a topic to gain their interest.Sometimes I merely ask to say hello to them or wish them sweet dreams. The bond of course has diminished so much that I appear like a stranger. If short video calls are not working it is a case of hoping to rebuild a bond hopefully when I can see them outside.

The bond is not broken.
But children have so much screen time now for schooling, that something that was once a treat is now a chore.

This has nothing to do with how they feel about you. Honestly it doesn’t.

Just roll with the punches and remember they are adapting differently than we do. Don’t make it dramatic.

I spoke to my DiL about this just yesterday, we decided that she would give me a list of books that they have at home that my GD likes (she is 3) and I will get the same ones here, and we will arrange for me to read her a story and my GD willhelp her to follow along in the same book. We also researched a calling app called Caribu that has books on it that she can see and we can read to her as well as games we can play together. Havent tried it yet but will do. Talk to the parents and ask how a call could become fun.