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Christmas with Family which turned into disaster

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Ponymoore Thu 25-Feb-21 11:35:14

My daughter, husband and one year old grandson came to stay for Christmas. Initially for two weeks, my daughter didn`t lift a figure to help in the first few days, just after boxing day I had enough and I had a few words to say to her, She grabbed our grandson and said I`m not staying here no more and they went home. She said she was annoyed with me for going on at her. Since she has gone home things have been very strained due to her listening into conversations of my husband and I talking about her (she had been listening into our security camera which she had installed to watch her son in the bedroom). She didn`t like the things that was been said (even though she was invading our privacy). Now she had said she dosen`t want anything more to do with her Mum and Dad because of this and won`t apologise and I was in the wrong for the things we said about her. I feel she shouldn`t have listened in but she won`t apologise. What can I do to as it is most upsetting.

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Naninka Sat 27-Feb-21 10:02:59

We didn't see any of our 4 children over Christmas but if we had them to stay then:

1. They would not be asked to lift a finger because I don't expect guests to work. (Although the always offer anyway.)

2. Anything I say about them (rather than to them) would be worth them listening to as so proud of them all.

Our children are a reflection of us and the upbringing we've given them. Mostly.

Moving forward, tell her you love her and move on...

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Delila Sat 27-Feb-21 18:09:59

I doubt if either the recording of private conversations or the listening in to them, although unfortunate, were deliberate acts of spying. I have no idea how these things works but it sounds as though things could easily go wrong and cause trouble between people.

Feelings are hurt on both sides. No amount of explanation, argument or discussion, even with good will on both sides, will change that, but the hurt needn’t be permanent.

My advice would be to try to agree to put it behind you and look forward, not back. I know it’s not easy, but families have to compromise all the time.

One day you might even be able to laugh at the memory of that disastrous Christmas (when you both learned a lot about each other).

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