Daughter’s astonishing comment!

How wonderful to hear all about other people's experiences with their adult children. I thought that I was the only one whose son has a very selective memory and can't forgive me for many things which he has imagined. Like everyone else I did my very best (single parent) but his father, whom he saw on alternate weekends, was, of course, perfect!

Poor girl, I’m surprised she didn’t ring child Line
Sara when my teenage DD’s were being singularly obnoxious and moaning and groaning about their lot in life, I occasionally offered to ring Social Services to see if alternative parental arrangements could be made. The offer was always speedily declined.

We would often go to a local beauty spot called Bolam Lake for a walk on Sunday afternoons. This was also met with moans and groans and as many objections as they could muster.

Guess where’s the first place they take the grandchildren when they come to stay?

She could always join an evening class when they start again. Probably be taught upholstery, not sure about “finishing “ though!!

My eldest, born 1970, has a very selective memory, remembering anything remotely unpleasant that happened and rejects any advice but is quick to blame when things don't work out as he expected ! Younger son, born 1980, is totally different. Occasionally asks for an opinion and when given actually listens then makes up his own mind and doesn't blame others for his decisions. Elder son says he has not fulfilled his potential because I didn't ! His father and I both have degrees , husband worked until ill health caused him to retire ( even though he was partially sighted ) and I worked part time . I have pointed out that often lower middle class girls born in the mid 40's didn't always have the choice, opportunity or even aspirations of young women today.

I'm afraid so. And as someone has said already, they can rewrite history

Metra, I'm with you!

V3ra, I'm going to write that down

I only have sons but i cant believe the entitlement of some of these DDs! My boys would never talk to me like that.

One can only laugh into the wind.

" A mother's place is......in the wrong!" and, more seriously, someone said "The first task of adulthood is to forgive your parents" I guess none of us had 'perfect parents' and as adults we need to find a path to free ourselves from resentments, let them go, and move ahead into maturity. Not necessarily easy! But tough when we have had a hard time as children - or when our children resent things we don't remember at all!

Selected memory I call it.

Apparently, according to one of our AC, the problem was that we ‘woolly hippies’ didn’t set enough rules! Another, now a teacher and having seen the light, said I should have encouraged them do more sports. I didn’t like to point out that childhood laziness contributed quite a lot and siblings did lots of sports. However, I admit to being the most selfish teenager - hindsight would be much more useful if you could actually change anything.

My children seem only to want to dredge up every grievance; I could probably have slashed my wrists if I took them seriously. I did hear one AC telling someone 'we had a very happy childhood' and all are close and loving to me, so I have to assume this is selective memory. I do feel sad when I hear complaints about their not having been allowed to do certain things, and how horribly strict I was. Pinch of salt is probably the answer - we can change nothing in any event.

I am very tempted to print off this entire thread, it is so very reassuring to know that other people have adult children with such selective and strange memories.
Thanks so much to all the people who have contributed on here.
When my children were small I used to say that 'Being a Mother is Going to bed every night, feeling Guilty' - not sure how I would sum up being a Mother of an AC with such weird memories.

One of my daughters did actually say they used to moan about me being strict but now they are grown up they realise it was because I cared.
That's the nearest to a compliment I get.

I went to a school for "spoilt rich kids" - my father worked abroad so I was packed off to boarding school. We never learned to cook. Instead our Home Economics lessons taught us things such as "how to arrange your weekly menu with your cook", how to fold napkins into decorative shapes, and how to eat messy food without making a mess, while using the correct cutlery.

My favourite useless lesson was how to hold items at a garden party. You were expected to be wearing a white glove on your left hand, then hold a dessert plate, a fork, a wine glass and the other glove between your fingers, so that you could use your ungloved right hand to shake hands. Unfortunately I have never in 60+ years had any occasion to put this into practice!

I have noticed that now my daughter is a mother, some of the things I was criticised for doing, she now does, and they are no longer hanging offences.

Possibly by the time DGC is an adult, she might have worked through all of my faults and I may no longer be regarded as negligent.

Wow - talk about selfish kids! I have no complaints about my parents - yes I had to do chores in exchange for pocket money but my parents let me choose what subjects I wanted to take at school and whether or not I went to college afterwards or got a job. I think some of you need to remind your children about the reality of their childhoods, rather than pander to their inaccurate memories! You are doing them no favours by allowing them to hold on to their manufactured resentments.

Love this thread found out today from 42 Dd that I only fed her carrots as vegetables every ? never took her on walks to the forest (never lived near one) didn’t help with homework (forgets endless trips to library museums ) no internet help
never read to her (did every night) school packed lunch was terrible (sandwich penguin drink apple) shocking packed lunch what a terrible mother
Hopefully her kids won’t inherit her bad memory ?

Yes, when it suits.

Too many folk make an issue of other s behaviour -always a recipe for disharmony !
Live and let live!

I ended up doing most of it and was very naffed off to get only a C+ - ‘Neatness and accuracy are 2 skills which you must practice (sic)’!

Oh, that's lovely, Witzend. It did make me laugh..

I remember helping my children with homework but don't remember actually being marked on it. Except that I passed geography GCSE - twice

Smile less 2012 exact same thing happened to us. Our son had a completely different version of his childhood than us.

The OP made me laugh out loud. Just yesterday, I had this conversation with daughter 2 (now aged 30), who said 'I came home, annoyed with this teacher whom I hated anyway, I just wanted to vent, and YOU WENT AND PHONED HIM WITHOUT ASKING ME, YOU JUST DID IT, HOW COULD YOU?!'
My memory of the event is that she was really upset, and we did discuss whether I should talk to this teacher or not.

Of course I am the one suffering from memory loss, right??
In the end I just laughed and said, luckily it is a long time ago now...
Makes me wonder when and how often I unfairly blamed my parents for things they did (or didn't) do!

The only thing that comes to mind about 'mixed up memories' was my oldest son now 30 saying we didn't want to sign him up for hockey. I had to remind him he only suggested it when he was about 9 when all other Canadian boys would be playing since the age of 4. He needed skating lessons first, which we did sign him up for. He did skating for the season, lost interest in hockey and never mentioned hockey again until the age of 25! Poor underprivileged boy...