Gransnet forums


I want to be a gran

(41 Posts)
Fleetwood123 Thu 04-Mar-21 23:38:56

I would just like to say how fortunate you all are for being grandparents. I am a teacher and have worked with children all of my life. I was an NNEB before being a teacher. Due to being brought up in a very dysfunctional family l didn’t settle into a steady relationship until late in life. L have one son who is not interested in having children. I would love to be a grand parent - just to be involved in caring for a young life again ( l had always hoped to have lots of children) when that didn’t happen l hoped for grandchildren but that hasn’t happened yet and l do realise you cannot live your life through your child so must just accept it. You are all so fortunate to be grandparents Enjoy every minute even when it is hard!

Blossoming Fri 05-Mar-21 00:26:30

I’m never going to be a grandparent either, my health issues put paid to that. However, Mr, B and I have a lot of nieces and nephews, many of whom now have children, so I am an aunty and a grand aunty many times over. I love them all so much. I realise it’s not possible at the moment, but is there some local organisation or voluntary work with young children that you might become involved with? Help with home schooling maybe?

CanadianGran Fri 05-Mar-21 06:31:36

I do feel for you; I enjoy being a grandmother. I never had one of my own, 3 of my grandparents died before I was born, and a grandfather died before I could meet him.

So I had no experience of a grandparent relationship, but am so grateful to have little ones as a part of my life and hope to have a lasting impression on them. I second Blossoming on the idea of volunteering with an organization. Sunday school, library or even reading at your local school. There are even some organizations that help develop 'surrogate grandparents', much like Big Brother or Big Sister organizations to foster relationships between generations. I think it is a tremendous idea. When your heart is open to giving love and kindness you will receive it back doubly.

Aepgirl Fri 05-Mar-21 10:41:35

You don’t have to be a grandparent to care for a child. You must surely have friends who would be delighted to let you share their children/grandchildren (when we are allowed contact again).
In the meantime, with all your experience, why not get involved with a nearby nursery or pre-school. Just don’t dwell on what you are unlikely to achieve.

Ramblingrose22 Fri 05-Mar-21 10:41:45

I too would love to be a grandmother. I had no grandparents as my father's parents died when he was 21 and my mother's were murdered when she was 21.
I think my older DS and his partner, both in their mid-30's, will have children eventually. My younger DS says he doesn't want to bring children into this over-populated world.
I realise that many Gransnetters have GCs living miles away or in a different country whilst others are not allowed to see their GCs so it's not all plain sailing.

crazygranny Fri 05-Mar-21 10:42:51

A friend of mine is an honorary gran to the reception class at her local primary school. She works, unpaid, doing gardening, cooking and quiet counselling with the children - or anything else the class teacher needs her to do. Might be an idea?

Funtime Fri 05-Mar-21 10:42:54

Hi all,
I really want to be a gran, but I stand no chance. One son has partner aged 46 with 24 yr old daughter. They've ben together 16 years and she's never wanted children. Our other son has just got engaged to a woman of 47 who has 21 yr old son and doesn't want any more despite the fact that our son (40) would love to be a dad. Our daughter (38) hasn't met Mr Right. So time is running out for us to be grandparents. If you have grandchildren you are so lucky.

Moggycuddler Fri 05-Mar-21 10:48:14

Only have one daughter, she doesn't ever want children. No chance of that ever changing. No nephews or nieces either. I would have liked to have granchildren and be a doting Grandma, but then I remember how many people who would have loved to have children have not been able to even be a parent. So consider myself blessed to have a lovely daughter - and 4 cats!

Anveran Fri 05-Mar-21 10:48:17

Same with me, Canadian Gran, three grandparents died before I was born and the fourth lived in another country and died when I was very young... may have met her once. I love being a Nannie to my two little boys but have no experience of it myself and do feel that I missed out terribly. You can be an 'adopted gran' and I often see organisations looking for grans for families who don't have them.. they would love to have you I'm sure.

4allweknow Fri 05-Mar-21 10:54:36

I have two grandchildren, both I never expected to have. Dd now deceased decided not to have children, her view being there were more than enough people on our planet. She did adore her nephew and niece. When she died one comfort was there were no children left motherless. Can you be a childminder, contact with families with children may give you the caring aspect you are looking for.

NoddingGanGan Fri 05-Mar-21 10:57:57

My only current grandchild is my daughter's step daughter and the one on the way is being carried by the same daughter's wife, conceived by donor sperm so neither has any blood relationship to me but I don't consider myself any less of a gran for all that.
My 28 year old son has no interest in being a dad, though he's a smashing uncle, and my younger daughter is 26 and never had a serious boyfriend so I might never have a granchild actually related to me, but it won't make a difference as far as I'm concerned.

kwest Fri 05-Mar-21 11:03:31

Have you thought about exploring setting up a service, maybe with the help of Social Care to be something like foster grand-parents? They may be able to suggest a role for you where you could be of help to the many youngsters who would love someone older with time to listen to them and teach them the home-skills that grand parents and children love to do together. You would be subject to all of the necessary checks that are involved in working with children but that is very straightforward and obviously essential.

Romola Fri 05-Mar-21 11:15:13

Have you thought of volunteering for one of the charities like Home Start? I was a volunteer for some years, and now I volunteer for a local charity which befriends children from 5 to 13. There is training before you start and the charity organisers keep a good eye on how things are going. I love doing it.

cathyd Fri 05-Mar-21 11:21:49

my sister never had children so no grandchildren, but she has shared my three grandchildren since they were babies. She lives 50 miles from me and visits one day a week pre covid and has been involved in mother and toddler group, taking one grandson when I was not available on several occasions. My grandkids are in secondary education now and still give gifts at Christmas so she is still in the family group

Annaram1 Fri 05-Mar-21 11:31:39

I am lucky to have had 2 children and now 4 grandchildren.
My sister had 2 boys. The older one is 46 and has never had a partner. The younger one married a young widow with 2 little children. My sister and her son hoped that she would then have a child with the son but would you believe she said that as she already had 2 children she did not want any more and got a hysterectomy! My nephew and sister are so disappointed. My nephew is a wonderful father to the 2 stepchildren.

aonk Fri 05-Mar-21 11:34:08

I do realise how fortunate I am to have GC and it’s hard to to understand what your situation is like. You sound like a very well qualified, experienced and educated person who has a lot offer to others of any age. I would second the poster who suggested Home Start. It’s a wonderful organisation. I volunteered with them for many years and also served on their committee. Your experience would also make you so welcome in any educational setting such as helping in a school or becoming a Governor. I know none of this will fill the gap you’re experiencing but maybe you would feel better for using your many talents to help others.

Fernhillnana Fri 05-Mar-21 11:39:46

I never thought I’d be a grandmother but at long last my lovely son met a gorgeous woman and within 9 months of marriage produced a beautiful baby boy who is the light of my life. My heart goes out to anyone who so wanted this role but has been frustrated. On the other hand I completely understand the reluctance to bring a child into this world. As my mother often said, this world is not fit for children or animals.

Hithere Fri 05-Mar-21 11:43:44

You can always be an adopted grandma.
Home start is a great idea too

I think it is a bad mistake thinking that you would have been a grandma if your children had had kids.

Biologically yes, you are a grandma but would you have had the experience you crave for?
What if your children had a different role for grandma than the one you thought you could have?

Hithere Fri 05-Mar-21 11:44:41

What if your gc didnt live near you and you were a long distance grandma?

Chimaera Fri 05-Mar-21 11:50:02

I have 3 grandchildren - but I've never met them, my children cut me out of their lives when I remarried - they disapproved as he's younger than me, and they would have to wait longer for their inheritance. The eldest actually said that to my face. This was 12 years ago - so I don't see any reconciliation happening. Some days it hurts more than others, I've tried contacting them over the years, texts (unanswered) emails (bounce back) and I don't know where they live so I can't write to them. It's hard but you learn to live with it.

Urmstongran Fri 05-Mar-21 11:50:39

I read an article in the SAGA magazine by Jenni Murray (December issue I think) and she felt the same way. Dying to be a grandma. I felt sorry for her adult sons putting that out in the public domain. Not-so-subtle pressure.

Jennyluck Fri 05-Mar-21 11:58:50

I understand your yearning for grandchildren. It seems to happen so easy for others.
We have 3. Children, and we used to think, if they had 2 children each, we could end up with 6 grandchildren. Both of us are only children, so looked forward to the grandchildren arriving. Then reality hit. Oldest son is gay, no chance of grandchildren there. Middle son, not interested in having children. Then youngest daughter had a partner with 2 sons and didn’t want anymore.
I honestly thought our house would never have children running round in it.
But then one day my daughter told us she was pregnant. Oh the joy. We have a grandson.
But, be careful what you wish for.
They live with us, he’s 2 1/2 now . And things have been hard. Especially with the lockdowns. Husbands got dementia. Not a good mix, I’m piggy in the middle.
I think he will be our one and only grandson. I am grateful for that. But would have loved our very small family to expand.

Urmstongran Fri 05-Mar-21 12:15:01

Oh Jennyluck that was a hard read.
💐 for you.

Sir Captain Tom said we ought to focus more on what we do have than mourn what we don’t.

Good advice really. So many people in life get a clip around the ear. Financial. Illness. Estrangement. It’s a pot luck life. Very few ‘get it all’ I dare say.

Maidmarion Fri 05-Mar-21 12:36:52

I am lucky enough to be a grannie..... but my grandchildren are four and a half thousand mikes away.... so almost more painful than not having any!!!!!

Maidmarion Fri 05-Mar-21 12:37:16

Miles ... not mikes!