Should young people stop moaning and get on with it or should we be concerned.

This is a difficult one. Many of the issues she raised, like having to attend appointments alone, were the norm not so long ago. My husband didn’t come to routine appointments, scans etc as it really wasn’t done for partners to get time off work for such things. I believe that even during lockdown partners could be there for the actual birth.
The first weeks and months at home is when other new parents, as well as family, can provide great friendship and support so I can see how this is lost in a pandemic.
Very many new parents do struggle and it must have been hard to feel there was no one to turn to. I wonder if, in modern society, young people tend to plan their lives in minute detail, and babies just do not read the agenda, nor do post partum feelings fall into a previously known category.
In other words, having a baby is the most change you can ever have in your life and it can be hard to cope with.
I don’t think labelling a new Mum a snowflake helps when she feels despairing.

I feel in this case the answer lies in her own words “ I am a perfectionist”
She had her own idea of just how it was going to be, she had every detail planned and then it didn’t happen.
The saying, man plans, God laughs, comes to mind.
We need resilience to deal with things when our lives veer off course.
I wish her and others well though.

This was a subject raised on our tv regional news recently.

As grandmajet said, back in the 70’s, when many of us had our children, it was unheard of for husbands or partners to attend ante natal appointments, at least it was where I lived. My husband would not have wanted to ask for time off work, and frankly I never expected him to.

I also gave birth alone, (in hospital, with midwife),not that he didn’t want to be there, but both babies arrived in a bit of a hurry, and he was at work, blissfully unaware of events.

When he came to visit, as soon as he heard, Sister was reluctant to let him in as Visiting Hour had finished,but she graciously allowed him in for a few minutes to meet his new daughter. But if she hadn’t, we would just have accepted it. Wouldn’t have dared to question anything. I was only 21.

I know times have changed.

I'm with annsixty here.

Well, I think it’s obviously not an ideal situation, I know several women who have had lockdown babies, and lots of compromises have had to be made, and of course it’s a shame that they can’t see their families and friends.

I partly understand, because I’m a bit of a perfectionist, and I’d be irritated that so much was out of my control. But I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t have caused me to have mental health problems, we live in very unusual times, we just have to get in with it.

On with it

There will be many people who have struggled with pregnancy/ birth during the pandemic and there will be many who have just got one with things. You can’t judge a whole generation on one story. But the necessary support wasn’t there for many and that’s not ok. I gave birth ten years ago and my OH came to two evening appointments, one was a look around the hospital. He wasn’t in on the birth either but was at the hospital. There’s been a lot of people who have suffered because the necessary support or treatment wasn’t available because of Covid, sadly.

I think each person has their own levels I m just glad she wasn’t me First baby foreign country no language skills, away from all family, 20 years old, Breech birth, no one allowed with me, no personal understanding, no support other than doctors, nurses
She obviously needs more support and understanding than we did but maybe that’s our fault for doing, thinking, caring to give more than we had

They are grieving for the lie they planned to be leading. This has effected many of us in many different ways during the Lockdown.

Just to reply by saying that much of it was the 'norm' when we were young is not very helpful. It was also the 'norm' in our g.parents time for a lot of women to die with post-partum haemorrage, and other complications following birth - we were of a generation that did not have to worry about that.

Yes, they have missed out on so much of the enjoyment of a planned pregnancy and those first few months with their new babe - it may just be a 'first world problem', but is still effecting them.

Just hope that will soon be able to go to parent and baby classes, and meet other new Mums and Dads and enjoy their lovely healthy baby as she grows up.

It is all very well to talk about OUR unhappiness at some of the effects of Lockdown, etc. not being as serious as other peoples - does not make it any easier for us to deal with those.

I would have hated this.

I feel deeply sorry for women going through their pregnancy "alone".
I also feel sorry for all the new mums - and mums with toddlers too - who are so very isolated (especially if they recently stopped working)...
Such a mess.

OK to do a pre-natal appointment with a midwife alone but all the rest....no!

Well perception is reality if this lady feels like this then she needs support and she is definitely not alone in her distress at the things that have had to change during the pandemic. A member of our family has had a complete breakdown brought on by the stress of having to fulfil an impossible role working from home. some people have coped with it well sadly he hasn't.

It tough for the young this year, it’s tough for many of us, students and college leavers have had a lot of disruption, some have “manned up” others just complain. My eldest GD is on a work placement year from Uni, there are no placements in the UK and was very despondent, but she found an internship with a US firm.

No pay of course but working from home she is doing work for actual clients and her confidence is sky high and plans to visit New York to see her work in August. I’m sure when she returns to Uni it will be a big boost to her degree.

I am so grateful that no one in my family has had a baby during this last year due to the restrictions described in the article. It must be heartbreaking for new mothers.
What I take from the article is the information that help is available. Telling a person with fragile mental health to ‘man up’ is just cruel.

NotSpaghetti I'm with you on this one. There has been a great deal of criticism from both midwives and support organisations like the ARM of the way maternity services have been provided during the pandemic. Its no good saying "we did it this way and we were alright...." When we know better, we do better and women have been badly let down by unnecessarily restrictive practice. I hope things are better when and if my next, much longed for grandchild arrives.

I agree that it would be insensitive to tell any young woman to ‘just get on with it’
But this pandemic has affected almost all of us, people have lost family members, lost jobs, children have been very badly affected by missing school, older people have been isolated, some people losing a precious year, when there aren’t so many left.

So I think we all have to try and get things into perspective, and accept that nothing much has been what we would have chosen, but at least we’re still here, and things are getting better.

I’m not in her shoes so can’t feel how she feels. This lockdown has affected everyone in so many ways and we all have to learn how to deal with it. Some will cope better than others. I’m of the generation where we just had to suck it up and get on with things. I still struggle with things on my own. I wish I was able to share my problems and get help but I hold back as I don’t want to burden others when I know they have their own troubles.
This generation have been raised differently to speak out when something affects them. Maybe this is better. I don’t know.
Not clear though why she has to share her troubles with the media when she does have a supportive partner, and a healthy baby at the end.

'Man-up' is rather a silly phrase to use about pregnancy and giving birth, isn't it, and 'getting on with it': there is no choice.

I wouldn't call this specific case evidence of the snowflake generation, but equally, after giving birth to such a lovely baby and having a supportive partner, I think the experience would fade into the background, like childbirth itself. Nothing else could have been done about it.

I am doing the college run for my daughter at the moment and as it is the same time every day I seem to be seeing the same people at the same times out and about. I think partly this is because she lives in a town and I live rural, so I am just noticing more people. I keep seeing new Mums with babies in prams and I was thinking how difficult it must be for them at the moment. I found having a baby quite isolating, especially my first two. I felt like everyone else knew what they were doing and I was useless. I also had ALOT of support of my health visitor during the first few months of my daughters life because she wouldn't feed and didn't grow (she was later diagnosed with a disability) I thought I would have have coped better if I had have been older, an older Mum would cope better than me. Luckily though support systems were open, I could go to the clinic and just chat to a HV and my next door neighbour would sometimes take the pram out for me. I had a few nights out (shock horror) I still felt sad and lonely and isolated, I still felt like I struggled. Was I snowflake? Or am I just being honest? I have supported alot of new Mums through our local authority and most of them just need to know how they feel is normal, not all women cope as well as others but sometimes some new Mums are actually coping really well, they just don't have any belief in themselves, they may be dealing with a baby that wont sleep, a relationship break up, financial difficulties, health worries, health worries of a parent, the list goes on. Life is complex, people are allowed to feel how they feel and I have alot of sympathy for new Mums atm, I imagine it is really hard.

Calendargirl echoes my experiences. One thing everyone should know - you cannot plan a baby's birth!! My DD2 EDA was 21st December, my mother though I was unreasonable letting it be near Xmas, she was desperate to come to 'help'. She complained she couldn't book her train ticket if I couldn't tell her the date!!! (she had 3 of us, she should have known)
Finally she informed me she was coming 12th December, I'd had hospital appointment that day and was told I was nowhere near. We picked mum up from the station, had a meal and settled for the night. Shortly after, my waters broke, we informed mum that she would have to look after DD1 and went to the hospital (which was about 10 miles away). She was born at 5 am (without DH being present. She's never been particularly happy with a near Xmas birthday, but she's forgiven me!

It’s hard to separate out the effects of lockdown from the effects of giving birth and post-natal depression.
My DGD3 was 5 weeks old when the first lockdown started. It affected us all, but obviously DD and DGD the most. We supported them as much as we could, in keeping with what was allowed at the time.
Not a snowflake thing at all.

Yes, the experience described in the news piece is very valid

She is one case and does NOT represent a whole "young people generation"

Instead of getting empathy, she gets judged

Plenty of threads on this board could also use the same approach as described in the title.
How many threads about not being able to see the grandkids and made the op sad?
How many threads of living alone and not having human contact while in lockdown?

Janejudge
You are right of course, having a baby can be a very isolating experience, with my first I knew nothing at all, I didn’t just think I was incompetent, I was incompetent. I was on my own, and I had a little practical help, and certainly no emotional help.

I never like to think about young women struggling with babies, but I do think at the moment, we have to accept that we are all affected in some ways, and we have to look at the positives, a loving supportive partner and a lovely baby are certainly positives in my opinion.

Spot on Annsixty.

Sara a loving supportive partner and a lovely baby are certainly positives in my opinion

The joy that DGD3 has brought not just to her parents and grandparents but to our wider family too has certainly outweighed the negative effects of the pandemic for us all.