Should young people stop moaning and get on with it or should we be concerned.

Hithere strangers don't owe her empathy, but they can choose to give it or not. If I require empathy I go to my support network with my issue, if I require opinion I go public. No one gets to cherry pick other people's thoughts on a subject if they put their issue into the court of public opinion. So it depends what she wanted really, opinion or approval.

It's not an ideal situation, I feel sympathy for her and would want a better experience for all in her situation. But...I think people would cope better with life's inevitable difficulties if they grew a thicker skin, they can have a moan when things are difficult. But their MH is their responsibility as soon as they become adults, working on it increases resilience and puts the locus of control back on the individual rather than on a 'cruel world' that can't be mastered.

Janeainsworth
That’s lovely to hear

Ultimately they may have to get on with it, but their concerns should be listened and addressed.

It was a completely different experience being pregnant and giving birth forty or fifty years ago. Young people now have different expectations so it's not comparable.
This pandemic has been difficult for everyone and an unknown for medical staff, everyone tried to do what was best to keep mothers and babies safe. Retrospectively some decisions were probably not in their best interests but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I agree with Blossoming their concerns should be addressed but ultimately they have to move on from this strange period in all our lives.

It doesn’t help to say ‘it was different back then’, even where things which have upset her were the norm-no one with you on prenatal visits, husband away at sea for birth, nearest family 70 miles away.
This time has been difficult for all of us, some more than others and I hope she gets the support she and others feel they need.
Does it help though, to immediately associate stress over one issue with a future full of mental health issues? I’m with Sodapop and Blossoming on moving on.

I think it's not as eezybee says for many of us..
I think the experience would fade into the background, like childbirth itself.
Childbirths, like deaths, are not things that "fade into the distance" for all of us.

Is this a snowflake who should “ man up “ or should we be concerned about how the next generation is failing to cope?

Neither. Some people are less resilient than others, whatever their age, it’s not something they have control over. Many, like my DD, who gave birth early by C-section in April, have coped really well and been able to focus on the positives, such as having more quality time with her partner and baby, but lockdown mums have had it hard, no question. With challenges above what was the norm back in the day. No partner at the birth used to be quite usual, yes. But not having a single visitor while in hospital or even when at home again never was. Knowing there’s a ward full of Covid patients down the corridor wasn’t. Having no midwife or health visitor aftercare, or a baby clinic or mother and baby group to go to with any worries wasn’t either. Your mum not being allowed to hold your baby for months, when she lives a few miles away and is longing to. And of course for single mums, those trapped in bad relationships and those with poorly babies it will have been so much worse.

I think most new mums have coped admirably, but I’ve every sympathy for those who have struggled, as I have for anyone else badly affected by the pandemic, and hope they manage to get the support they need.

I'd like to ask people what this support looks like - where does it come from, who provides it, what does it set out to achieve, how can its success be measured? Is it warm and fuzzy or robust and challenging, is it a tool kit or protection?

Or is it just anyone else's problem but 'mine'?

We bandy this about all the time, I do, most people on here do, but what do we actually mean by it?

Nell I hope I’ve given my DDs and DiL both practical and emotional support.
Both depend to a certain extent on proximity, but include cooking meals, doing laundry, giving baby bottles when staying overnight, taking baby out in pram to give the mother a chance to rest or just some time to herself. Obviously all those things have been variously affected by lockdown but I’m referring to what MrA & I did a few years ago.
By emotional support I mean being sensitive to the mother’s needs & wants - being there to listen but also being sensitive to the need of the mother to feel that she’s coping and able to rely on her own resources & encouraging self-confidence.

I think if we are talking about support from society for those struggling with very young children, (both pre and post covid);the most useful support I have seen is individual family support, but it has to be done well and that not easy.

I agree with those who are sympathetic towards her account and accept its validity ( both factually and emotionally in terms of how she felt). It’s not really on to compare experiences 50 years ago. But what’s really surprised me is that no one ( unless I missed it) has mentioned what she said about how the CBT had really helped her and she wanted other young mothers who felt like her to know it was available. She sounds like a lovely young woman, not a snowflake, and I wish her snd her lovely baby much happiness .

Well I work in a voluntary capacity helping struggling families, for whatever reason and it comes without judgement. Support can be emotional or practical or a mixture of the two. Some families who have twins for example just need an extra pair of hands. Some people need more emotional support, some need a bit of help every week just getting on top of the housework or washing. Some need help at hospital appointments or need you to mind the children so they can attend appointment for themself. Some need help to go to toddler group as they have a child with a disability. Some need a mixture. Some need help planning their time better or being helped how to plan to cook or actually cook. Some people need help budgeting. It's a shame as a lot of these things were covered by sure start centres. We are trained in the freedom program too and can also 'signpost' (hate that word) to other agencies. Most Mums though are just isolated and lonely and lack in confidence and I think partly this is because people no longer live near their extended families. Seriously, if you have time on your hands to help volunteer to work with families or at the foodbank (ours do cookery classes for example and craft classes and quite a few of you seem very good at crafty stuff!) it is worth doing. It's much better than sitting on the sidelines judging others for not coping or not having resilience. Your local authority website should have a list of charities you can volunteer too and obviously it isn't limited to families.

I'd like to ask people what this support looks like - where does it come from, who provides it, what does it set out to achieve, how can its success be measured? Is it warm and fuzzy or robust and challenging, is it a tool kit or protection?

There's no one size fits all answer. For some it'll be professional help. For others practical help with everyday tasks. For many, just being able to see and talk to their family members or friends. The introduction in December of support bubbles for households including babies under 12 months old has been a game changer for many. My DD has just had a health visitor call round for DGS6's 12 month check. That's the first visit since he was born, and I hope indicates that the service is up and running again.

As a young mum I would have been in quite a serious situation if I had not had a mother and baby group to go to twice a week. I had a supportive husband and family but that group was so important to me. I think people forget what it was like to be a first time mum let alone in these circumstances.