Friend’s 2 yr old grandson causing her concern.

should read * 13mth old 'older brother'.

Can the side by side buggy be re-assembled so one child is in front of the other? Or exchanged for one that is assembled that way.

The only thing to be done is to minimise the older child's chances of touching the baby.

This behaviour is certainly caused by jealousy and those who say scolding the older child will make things worse, are probably right.

However, somehow the toddler has to be brought to realise that he must not behave like this. It is far too dangerous.

In an ideal world there would always be an adult with each child, but we do not live in an ideal world, so preventing physical contact between the two children is the only possibility I can see.

Could the GM take the baby out and leave the toddler with his parent or GM babysit and mother takes the two year old out who could give him undivided attention for the while explaining she is doing this as a reward as she knows he is going to be a great big brother, be kind and help Mummy too. Also telling him he will get to do special things with Mummy but he has to help look after the baby.He needs to know he matters (not implying he doesn't) and sometimes it is through being given extra attention.

At about 2, my DS became annoyed with any babies as he felt they were being very silly in not being able to do things - he'd try to tell them but it didn't work well.
Luckily, he only saw babies at playgroup so we changed to another group which only took over-2s.

I agree with the suggestion that the Gran should give most of her attention to the toddler, not the baby.

I think it's unfair to label the toddler as jealous. He's had his world completely changed and doesn't understand why.

I agree Gwyneth,i would be very concerned.
The parents shouldn`t turn their backs for a second.

I wonder if the two year old appreciates that he is hurting the baby. When I was little, the same age daughter of my mother’s friend would bite me really hard. Her mother’s response was to bite the child so that she experienced the hurt she was inflicting. It is extreme, I know, and certainly not appropriate today but I do wonder how the experience of pain can be conveyed to a child who has not the vocabulary to explain it.

I always feel that the 2 year gap is a really difficult one and am never sure why people aim for it. I had 4.5 years between my two boys and never any problems between them as the older was definitely not a baby by then and had his own life at school etc. I think the other thing to beware of is guilt tripping the older one (he’s your brother you should love him). My parents did this to me about my younger sister and I loathed her till we were adults. I always allowed my older son to express negative feelings about his brother - which he didn’t very often!

If you think about it, when a new baby is brought into the home it’s a bit like your partner bringing in a new person and saying don’t worry, I still love you as well! Patience, extra time and lots of love and he’ll come through it. My eldest would hold the baby’s hand, squeezing until knuckles were white and declare , ‘I love my baby’.

Fuss the toddler. He is feeling pushed out. The baby won't remember all the fuss but the toddler WILL remember how his nose was pushed out. I am speaking from experience. My mother, the hateful bitch, said I was jealous of my sister, but my uncle and my dad said that my mum used to push me away when I demanded her attention. Even now at 67 I have feelings of anger against my mum and a very difficult relationship with my sister, so fuss the toddler.

Lockdown doesn't exactly help either, I would imagine.

My son used to bite as a toddler. Eventually, he grew out of it before he went to nursery. He was the youngest of 2 children. Is it possible to get another pushchair with the seats one behind the other? At the age of just over 2 my daughter walked as did my son. My daughter wore a safety harness with reins and my son worn a wrist rein. They seem to have gone out of fashion.

This is not uncommon. My eldest put a pillow over our babies face while we were saying goodbye to friends. Thankfully we got there in time.

I fully agree with Jol1960. Giving positive attention to a badly behaved child gives mixed messages, and they learn bad behaviour earns them good attention. I've seen this go very wrong, not at all a pleasant outcome for the younger sibling. They need to be taught, abuse for attention is never right, regardless of whether its Jealousy or otherwise. Children grow and they up their game. They learn how to manipulate. It can be the cause of a lot of resentment & anger in the younger siblings. If it doesn't, you've been lucky, but I've seen the outcome of this. I.m not talking punishments here regarding the older sibling, but firm boundaries & age appropriate consequences, it's never okay to hurt a baby, regardless of age.

I agree that he has to be told, firmly, that hitting anyone is unacceptable.

Give him loads of attention and cuddles when he's being good - especially when baby's asleep. Encourage everyone to do the same. Relatives often fuss over the baby, which doesn't help!

Don't ever reward bad behaviour and keep baby protected whenever possible.

Stay positive, friendly, relaxed and good humoured (if you can manage it) while he adjusts to his new circumstances - as he's going through a big change in his little life and he's still a baby himself.

My baby sister was born when I was 4 years old - I have no idea how my mother handled it, but when she arrived she was MY baby. I held her in the taxi on the way back from the hospital and was always very protective of her. Not sure if or why different sex siblings might be different. My husband is 15 months younger than his brother - same experience as me, his brother took on ownership of the new baby.

What is he eating? Food intolerances can cause many issues, especially sugars and carbohydrates. They can exacerbate behavioural issues. I would look into this too. There is a YouTube film called ‘The Magic Pill’. It is well worth watching. I wish I had known this when my son was younger! Good luck.