Are you okay? Are you really okay?

Thank you to everyone who has been brave enough to say they’re not okay and to those who have come alongside with encouraging words. ?

There are many reasons why we may not be struggling mentally, and the truth is sometimes we just don’t even know why we’re not okay. I do know that it helps enormously to feel we have permission to say how we’re really feeling when we’re down.

Mollybest1 that is the best advice sorry I cannot copy and paste it.

Unfortunately the cause of much depression is actually being deprived of trustworthy companions, for one reason or another. |The actual absence of others intimacy with whom makes you feel normal is a major cause of depression.

I'm ashamed to say that when my brother was going through mental health problems, although I did try to help him, there were times when he tried my patience and I said 'For goodness sake sort yourself out' . How I regret that now. How the poor chap must have suffered. I could cry thinking about him still although it was a long time ago.

It is interesting how many of us were brought up to not discuss 'mental health' or told to pull ourselves together, we had 'nothing to be depressed about'. Thank heavens this subject is no longer as taboo as it once was. I remember as a child, one of my aunts was described as suffering 'with her nerves'. As far as I am aware, nobody ever thought to suggest she needed some help, too shameful I suppose. A dearly beloved aunt had the courage to admit, to me at least, that she sometimes felt really down, and felt guilty as she had a good life, good health, no worries. I tried very hard to explain to her that this was not her fault, that she was no more responsible for her serotonin levels than a diabetic is for their insulin imbalances, but she still had this shame, and I suppose, fear.

Jaffacake Your words 'depleted of positivity' are spot on. It sums up how it feels.

You are not alone.

No I'm not ok and haven't been for some while. But I no longer blame myself or feel a failure for the depression I suffer from.
A friend gave me a book called " Curse of the strong " by Dr Tim Cantopher a British psychiatrist. It was enlightening and I recommend it to anyone who feels low.
It helps to explain how your body and mind respond to being stretched to a limit and then just snaps. When you have been holding so many pressures in life then there comes a point when you are completely depleted of positivity. This is a chemical and psychological response which has nothing to do with being weak or not " pulling yourself together "as we get told by others and our inner voice.
Mine was a response to so much I held together .
Yes I still have my dark days but I no longer beat myself up about being a failure for feeling depressed.
I held it together and fought for too long in silence.
This is the curse of the strong.

madeleine45 It would be such a shame for you as a professional singer and choir member, not to have a piano, as you say you have had one since you were a small girl.
I understand an upright or grand piano would have to go, but a neat keyboard would fit in anywhere. My brother has one against the wall in his small flat and it takes up hardly any room. I know it’s not the same as your piano, but better than nothing!

I’m sure you will feel better when all this is sorted and you can get back to your choir and other activities.

Well not really. I have been very tearful. I can’t imagine why. I have a lovely DH, a DD near, Live in a lovely area , big house, big garden no real worries. But I feel lost. I have been writing a novel, loosely based on my college years and I have remembered so much that now makes me very sad.It was a wonderful time never to be repeated. Lost loves and friends etc. I cry as I am writing and feel so silly. I think ‘ This too shall pass’ might be appropriate.

BlueSapphire with you on health anxiety, I understand, ?
baubles it took a lot, two passes, for me to post on here, I nearly asked admin to take it down, it made me feel vulnerable, as you said, exposed. But, anonymity helped and the tiniest thought that others might relate.

Good news BlueSapphire but how sad she reached that stage.

Just to add that my neighbour was found by her DH who couldn't wake her, called 999, was rushed to hospital, and was revived. It was a call for help which luckily was answered.

There are so many sad stories on here.
It is true we are totally not aware of how people are really feeling.
When I was diagnosed with cancer I laughed too loud, told people I was fine and it was nothing whereas underneath I was terrified.
I am still frightened it will come back and very aware of how I am feeling at any given moment but I am scared to voice these thoughts to my family. They are so worried about me and always asking how I am so I say I am fine for their peace of mind.
I do have one friend who I can voice my fears to as she is more dispassionate which helps. But even with her I try not to say too much as often saying my fears out loud makes them more real.
I have had counselling but after 2 sessions we decided it was not needed - I knew what to do when fear overtook me. The problem is putting things into practice.
I was brought up with the saying 'laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone'.

Madelaine45 I echo entirely what Urmostongran posted, she said it more eloquently than I could. On a practical basis, could I suggest finding a storage facility near to where you will be moving? That may take away the immediate worry about where everything can go, and then you can sort it out at leisure. I wish you well, it must be overwhelming dealing with all of this on your own.

BlueSapphire Health anxiety is crippling isn't it?

I don't think it's selfish baubles I agree with you. Of course we don't want others to suffer but if we think we are the only one going through such awful stuff, life would be intolerable. Also, maybe it puts our own troubles into perspective.

Thank you for this thread grannyactivist, you are an inspiration.

I’m often not okay but I’m cautious about putting my innermost feelings on a public forum, I’ve revealed things about myself in the past which came back to bite me.

Selfishly though, I find it comforting to read about the struggles of others and how they cope.

My very best wishes to you all.

I have been reading this post and have been so touched and moved by your stories that I am reluctant to post and make it sound all about me.

I think I had a breakdown last summer, and completely fell to pieces. I remember one morning when I had had a complete night without sleep that I wanted everything in my head to just stop, and the only way I could do that was by going to sleep and not waking up.

Everything just seemed to come together and take control of me.

I was terrified of Covid, and thought it was stalking me and would come into the house and get me; I took extreme measures to avoid coming into contact with anything that might have the virus; I was obsessively washing my hands and cleaning the house; I was scared to go out; I was scared of seeing and talking to people, and spent all day indoors on my own.

I felt terribly alone as DH had died two years previously and I was alone in the house 24/7. Up till then I had carved out a new life for myself; yoga, ballet classes, health walks. Also trips to the cinema and theatre, and days out meeting friends, shopping and lunches out. I had also ventured on holidays on my own and had done both a river and an ocean cruise. Of course all that stopped last year, and I also lost two holidays.

I could not see any family, even DS and family who live only 15 minutes walk away. I saw my DGDs every week previously, and they came after school twice a week for their tea.

I developed severe health anxiety and every little thing that was wrong with me became a killer disease and I would spend days worrying. I seemed to be forever at the hospital having tests (that all came back negstive), and was convinced I was about to die. I seemed to have the surgery on speed dial.
I had already been referred to mental health services and had a course of CBT by phone which seemed very little help. I was prescribed diazepam and then lorazepam which didn't seem to do much, and then Sertraline which had terrible side effects so I stopped taking it.

I eventually talked to a lovely mental health nurse on the phone, who suggested an anti-depressant without the side-effects, which a GP then prescribed for me. I don't know whether it's helped, but I seem to be able to manage things better.

The other thing that helped was a GP suggesting that I form a bubble with my DD and her husband. I then started staying with them at weekends. I cannot tell you how it felt to be in a normal household, have a meal and a drink together and not feel lonely. They were brilliant to put up with me, and still are.

And then one of my lovely neighbours took an overdose in October; someone who always had seemed to be coping well, was going out and about with her DH, and had just had her first grandchild. We just could not take it in at all.

I am coping better these days, but the days spent alone are so long and my health anxiety is still there, but I am finding it easier to cope with and can manage it better.

But I still find myself telling people that I am fine, when I know I am not.

Eagleswings wrote:

"How proud we should be of each other for daring to share these things and how important and life-saving this forum is."

To some extent. However I would not dare to post much stuff about my former lives here on g'net. I have enough trouble forgiving and understanding myself without baring my dreadful soul to sweet old grans.

Unfortunately, there will always be people who decide to take their own life no matter how many kind & loving people they have around them. Talking about their problem(s) is something they just might not want to do - with anyone. I personally haven’t known anyone who has taken their own life, but from watching TV programs ( there have been quite a few recently ) the people concerned seemed to be living great lives and had many close friends. But no one suspected anything?
I think depression is still taboo and people pretend everything is ok because they don’t want to burden anyone or because they feel there’s nothing anyone could do or say to put things right.
With Caroline Flack.
Her life had been absolutely destroyed overnight. No job, & with no chance of ever working again in her industry, awful things about her in the media which would follow her around for ever. No walk through the park or a 30 minute mindfulness session was going to make her feel better. And nothing her friends or family could have said would have changed how she felt at that precise moment in time.
What I’m saying is, not all suicides are preventable no matter how much support that person has.

Urmstongran
I had a doctor like that. He went one step further. He would bring his chair round so he was in front of you and hold your hands. He also had a sign on the wall in the waiting room informing patients that he would take as long as it takes with each patient ?
Unfortunately his practice had to shut because of the Harold Shipment case. He tried working in a ‘normal’ surgery but couldn’t hack it. It was a very sad loss to hundreds of people.

So sorry you are having to deal with so much.......?????

Oh madeleine45 that was such a poignant post to read. I hope sharing it with us has perhaps helped you in some small way. With regards the move, remember there’s only one way to eat an elephant and that’s by taking one bite at a time. So each day just do what you can towards your move and then try not to think further ahead or you’ll freak yourself out. Regards your dear grandson, I hope his scan shows your worries are unfounded and he has a bright future ahead. You are going through a tough time. I sincerely wish you well. x

This mental health crisis is bad but we all need to hang on in there. Theweather is lovely and nights are getting lighter.

Good luck to everyone.

How proud we should be of each other for daring to share these things and how important and life-saving this forum is. Here are a couple of things that have helped me during these challenging times. That acceptance brings peace. That prayer is soothing and comforting and that resilience is something worth investigating. I would thoroughly recommend My Little Book of Resilience. Finally sending big virtual hugs and encouragement to all warrior women on this thread. Let your light continue to shine brightly. This too will pass. xxx