In total shock!

Concrete suggestions are more effective than a generalised offer to help. Take a meal round, or a cake. Ring and say you’re going for a walk, would she like to come/ going to the garden centre etc etc. If her family are with her, then these offers will be doubly welcome when she is on her own. Sadly, I speak from experience. Keep being there for her x

a card through her letterbox - telling her that you will always be there, to listen, to talk, to walk, just to sit. The 'always' is important because grief has no timetable and as a bereavement counsellor I know that friends and neighbours tend to stop being emotionally available after a few months - yes they are physically present but they no longer ask how a person is feeling about their loss.

My best friend’s husband died in September and I regularly stop at her house for a chat when I am out for a walk. I have taken her meals and when I bake I take some fresh baked bread or some home made mushroom pate. I ring her every day, often in the evening when I think other people won’t be phoning. I don’t think people always feel comfortable about asking for help and support. My own experience is that it’s better to offer something concrete.

His soul flies free. You have done what you can. She knows you are there if needed. She will need time now...

Make a meal and take it over, along with some fruit.

That poor lady. A very sharp reminder to all of us to take nothing and no one for granted. Because you are close she will probably contact you if she is in need. I think a card reiterating that you are there to help if needed may be enough for now.

I think you will be able to do more in weeks to come . There seemed to be a flurry of too many people at once after my husband died. After a few weeks, when people have stopped calling, was when i felt I needed support. My thoughts are with her.

well for me, this is where being a Christian or believer helps, as I can pray ...

my dh been dead 16 months now, and still crying,, for the world I think

my worst problem is I can`t ask for help, wish I could overcome it...

as someone has said , we are all different,,, and yes, we can all hurt for our friends and loved ones.

Just sending you love, dragonfly. You must be shocked! A cake or biscuits are what I'd really appreciate.

I agree with the no flowers, I was upset when the DPD man nearly hammered the door down to deliver more flowers, I had already had many flowers and didn't have any vases left. Lovely thought but I found they added to my heightened stress.

I think as others have said some food like a casserole. Last thing anyone wants to be doing is catering. Sad sad times.

what a horrible shock drop some flowers round and a card saying you are there for her if she needs you and then just keep checking in xx

A homemade meal that can be shared by your friend and family will be gratefully received. Flowers whilst being lovely need looking after when there is so much else to be done. I've gone through two recent tragedies and I found the gift of food so welcome each time.

I’m so sorry, what a terrible shock.

I think what you’ve done already is lovely. Staying in touch is the important thing, texts to let her know you’re there, especially when everyone else apart from family has returned to their old life.

It seems like such a lovely idea to send flowers to the bereaved person but when my brother-in-law died his wife had so many bunches of flowers given to her that she was quite overwhelmed. She ran out of vases and had to resort to putting them in any container she could find and eventually giving them away.

Remember you were going to meet her for a walk? Perhaps you could offer to do that too?

This is a time when texting is the best option. So much easier for her to ignore if she does not want to talk.

In my experience it is later that she will need support, this is a time of shock and practicalities to sort out.

You have also had a shock so take care of yourself and talk when you need to.

Dragonfly so sorry to hear your shocking news after reading your earlier post on GM thread. It always seems as though these tragedies happen to other people or in TV dramas, not to someone close to you in real life. I suppose it is how we protect ourselves from worrying even more than we already do, about family and friends.

If you are into cooking or baking, a meal or cake/biscuits to offer visitors might be appreciated. Or shopping for extra milk, bread etc so that family members can concentrate on supporting your friend and making ask the necessary phone calls.

Thinking of your friend and of you ??

That’s awful poor woman you’ve done the right thing for now.

You have text her, to show your support, poor lady what a shock for her, I’d wait for few days and send flowers and a card, saying if you need me for anything please don’t hesitate to ask! I wouldn’t be knocking on her door though, I’d be guided by what she wanted

Dear dragonfly I’m so sorry. What a shock for you, coming so soon after losing your mum too. Your poor friend.
As others have said probably best to leave it till she’s had a chance to recover from the shock. Perhaps some flowers left on the doorstep with a card through the letterbox is a good idea. Does she have family near by who will be with her?

Oh your poor friend.

I’d be in the kitchen making many meals for her

She has family with her at the moment and you have let her know you are there for her if she needs you. Leave a couple of days and text again - tell her again you are there if she needs to talk. Try to find out when her daughter will be returning home and she will be alone - probably not until after the funeral.

Don't be afraid to talk about her husband. When my husband died people were afraid to mention him in case I got upset - it was almost as if he hadn't existed - I wanted to talk about him. Be guided by her.

What a shock, how sad. You are doing all you can for the moment, by offering support when it is needed.
You could cook a batch of cookies to take round when you do go. Then your friend will have something to offer anyone who calls.

After the first few days of making arrangements and being quite busy I found time hung on my hands. It was a kind of limbo waiting for the funeral.

I was very grateful to friends who just filled up the hours in the day. Perhaps you might suggest a walk again in a few days time?

I remember the day my husband died on our front lawn, your poor friend. I couldn't cope with people coming to the door as I just couldn't speak, it is such a shock, it is good you have texted.