Gransnet forums


In total shock!

(68 Posts)
dragonfly46 Thu 25-Mar-21 12:10:46

I spoke to my good friend this morning about walking this afternoon. An hour later I saw the air ambulance flying over and thought - oh dear.
It would seem my friend's husband has just died of a heart attack - completely out of the blue. He was only boasting yesterday how he walked 10,000 steps a day!
She is not up to talking but what can I do. I have texted offering support and the availability to talk if she needs to. What else can I do?

Calendargirl Thu 25-Mar-21 12:13:06

How sad. I think what you have done so far is just right, but maybe leave it now for the shock to be absorbed. Has she family to help her?

Blossoming Thu 25-Mar-21 12:13:30

How awful! I think just letting her know that you are there for her is the best thing you can do at the moment

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 25-Mar-21 12:14:48

Card or flowers? There's not a lot you can do just yet. Put on the card another message of support so that she knows you're there for her if needed. Has she any family?
What a terrible shock flowers.

Grandmabatty Thu 25-Mar-21 12:16:31

Dragonfly that's terrible news. I'm so sorry for your friend. Does she have company? If she's alone, and you can get there, I would go to her. She must be in a state of shock. Take a meal for her, tea or biscuits. Would she want you to contact family for her? I think you probably should be guided by her but be available for her when she asks for support. You sound like a great friend

crazyH Thu 25-Mar-21 12:17:41

How awful for him, his wife and family .....and certainly, a big shock for you. Just send her a text, to let her know you’re thinking of her.

Make the best of today everyone !!!!

Beechnut Thu 25-Mar-21 12:26:29

Just be there for her when she’s ready dragonfly. 💐

NannyJan53 Thu 25-Mar-21 12:36:23

Such terrible news. I am so sorry for your friend. I think for the moment you have done the right thing in texting and letting her know you are there if she needs you.

Gingster Thu 25-Mar-21 12:40:35

Oh my goodness, such a terrible shock! If she’s alone I would go round. Just to support her. She probably won’t feel like eating, so don’t bother with a meal. Perhaps you could phone people for her .

EllanVannin Thu 25-Mar-21 12:42:51

Goodness me, what a terrible shock !
As Beechnut said, just be near after this terrible shock has finally sunk in. How awful for your poor friend Dragonfly, the very last thing that you'd ever think would happen.

I know you'll be kind to your friend Dragonfly but wait until she " comes to ". I can't get over this myself. flowers x

dragonfly46 Thu 25-Mar-21 12:47:41

Fortunately she has a daughter nearby who is there now. Her other daughter I know will come immediately although she lives down south. Her son, who is only in his 20s, has just had to cope with his girlfriend having a baby just over a year ago and then having to have cancer surgery on her spine. She is at home but still with carers 4 times a day and trying to build her strength.
I just feel so sad and helpless.

Kate1949 Thu 25-Mar-21 12:54:26

That's awful. So sorry.

sodapop Thu 25-Mar-21 12:56:47

Dreadful shock for your friend and her family Dragonfly let her know you will help where necessary. Card and flowers in a few days maybe. thanks

Gannygangan Thu 25-Mar-21 13:00:38

The husband of a good friend of mine died suddenly at the age of 49. Utter tragedy. Two young children.

The day after I took flowers round. I was contemplating to knock or not when she saw me, flung the door open and invited me in.

So I sat with the family as they talked about their loss Not many tears. Quite a lot of laughter. I think we were all in shock

But it's surprising how people cope. We're all different.

LauraNorder Thu 25-Mar-21 13:00:58

How awful Dragonfly, what a terrible shock. I’m glad your friend has her daughter with her.
All you can do is what you have done. Let her know that you are there when she needs you.
Take care

Gannygangan Thu 25-Mar-21 13:02:01

Much sympathy to your friend's family and friends.

Oldbutstilluseful Thu 25-Mar-21 13:05:12

I’m so sorry for your friend, her family and you too, Dragonfly. Such a dreadful shock. Perhaps a daily text to let her know she’s loved and being thought of until she feels able to respond?

suziewoozie Thu 25-Mar-21 13:07:48

I think your texting is the right thing . What I’ve done in similar situations is to text every few days just reminding them I’m here if needed. I think when there’s close family, we’re needed more later on when the funerals happened and life starts to return to a new normal. Yo must be grieving as well - take care of yourself too.

Shandy57 Thu 25-Mar-21 13:10:35

I remember the day my husband died on our front lawn, your poor friend. I couldn't cope with people coming to the door as I just couldn't speak, it is such a shock, it is good you have texted.

Peasblossom Thu 25-Mar-21 13:15:42

After the first few days of making arrangements and being quite busy I found time hung on my hands. It was a kind of limbo waiting for the funeral.

I was very grateful to friends who just filled up the hours in the day. Perhaps you might suggest a walk again in a few days time?

J52 Thu 25-Mar-21 13:33:00

What a shock, how sad. You are doing all you can for the moment, by offering support when it is needed.
You could cook a batch of cookies to take round when you do go. Then your friend will have something to offer anyone who calls.

Oldwoman70 Thu 25-Mar-21 13:38:13

She has family with her at the moment and you have let her know you are there for her if she needs you. Leave a couple of days and text again - tell her again you are there if she needs to talk. Try to find out when her daughter will be returning home and she will be alone - probably not until after the funeral.

Don't be afraid to talk about her husband. When my husband died people were afraid to mention him in case I got upset - it was almost as if he hadn't existed - I wanted to talk about him. Be guided by her.

Summerlove Thu 25-Mar-21 14:38:17

Oh your poor friend.

I’d be in the kitchen making many meals for her

Doodle Thu 25-Mar-21 14:43:36

Dear dragonfly I’m so sorry. What a shock for you, coming so soon after losing your mum too. Your poor friend.
As others have said probably best to leave it till she’s had a chance to recover from the shock. Perhaps some flowers left on the doorstep with a card through the letterbox is a good idea. Does she have family near by who will be with her?

TrendyNannie6 Thu 25-Mar-21 14:50:28

You have text her, to show your support, poor lady what a shock for her, I’d wait for few days and send flowers and a card, saying if you need me for anything please don’t hesitate to ask! I wouldn’t be knocking on her door though, I’d be guided by what she wanted