Romance scams.......would you be gullible enough.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/m000b1px/for-love-or-money

on bbc1 recently . worth a watch.

I have never understood why someone would send large sums of money to someone you have never met.
These men always say they are professional, usually military, but they have no ready access to money and they need to "borrow" from you until they are paid? Surely that in itself would be a red flag.

They would have no hope getting anything from me as I have nothing at all to give

What surprises me is when older men are scammed in this way. It’s often men who, when their wives were alive, were more than careful with their money, only to throw caution to the wind for some (young?) woman they’ve never met!

I read an interesting article a few weeks ago about this, sorry don’t remember where, but apparently a lot of these single ‘men’ are in fact groups of people all emailing the same victim. It is obviously a lucrative scam by gangs and not always a solitary individual.

kircubbin2000

My friend went on a safari trip and was upset at how poor the young guide was. She still sends him money for his child .

Dad also went on a Safari trip and obviously met a woman I found out because I filled out his tax return, checking through the payments there were several mysterious entries. So I had a word with him and it stopped, it was genuine, rather than an online scam, in all honesty I would be just as vulnerable to “wanting to help”.

IMO these scammers (or some of them) are very clever and know how to use psychological tactics to get people firmly hooked.

It wasn’t a romance scam - a ‘lottery’ one but our elderly neighbour who over several weeks was fleeced out of a huge amount of money, kept telling us how lovely the person on the end of the phone always was - nobody so incredibly nice could possibly be a criminal, could they?
It was as if s/he had become her best friend.

She simply could/would not believe anything we said.

I can easily see how that sort of ‘niceness’ could work on anyone who might be feeling lonely/isolated/unloved. And doubly so if they were at all naive and of a trusting nature.

I watched that series too lemsip with a mixture of sympathy for the victims and incredulity that they could be taken in and part with money which in some cases, they'd taken out loans for.

One man said he thought the woman who'd scammed him was the love of his life; someone he'd never met!!

They are ashamed and embarrassed so it's often too late before they confide in family or friends. It's very sad.

Bluebellwould, I saw that documentary, or a very similar one. The scammers were paid employees, working from a large commercial call centre in Lagos, Nigeria.
Until then I’d imagined mostly solitary operators hunched over a computer in their bedroom.
The boss was evidently raking in goodness knows how much per month.
The chap who tracked them down was evidently a tech whizz. It was very impressive how he managed it.

Men are taken in as well. Tge BBC did a series of programmes about this. I just don't understand how anyone can be taken in. Saying that...there are a lot of very vulnerable people out there desperate for love. I have been on dating sites and to me it is obvious who the scammers are. I have reported so many to site owners.

About 20 years ago (in my forties) I went on holiday on my own to Turkey. The young waiters in the hotel were very keen to know what I did for a living and what my salary was! ?

I think that if you are lonely and just want to feel loved and cherished it might be easy for some to be sucked in.
The culprits always seem to be handsome/beautiful, have a slightly unusual job often including overseas travel and often seem to pick up on their victim unexpectedly.
It's easy to pay compliments and tell someone you love them over social media .
They all seem to follow the same pattern as well but I still cannot understand why anyone would send money to someone that they have never physically met - even if they are on a promise!
What makes my skin crawl is the thought that the culprits are quoting the usual flannel while no doubt laughing behind their victim's back.

The first time they asked to borrow money would be the last time they heard from me. No chance I'm too tight lol

I always find it hard to believe how people are sucked into these scams, I know of one woman who was very intelligent, had a great job and was ready to send thousands of pounds to a "soldier" she met on line who needed the money for an "operation". It was her bank that refused to do the transfer and explained to her that it was a scam.

I hope I would not fall for any of the scams, romantic or otherwise, going the rounds.

I have used the Internet practically since it began, so I have long been aware of the danger.

And of course before the Internet, we had the small ads. promising you could make your fortune if you sent Mrs Brown or Mr Smith £5 in a plain envelope and enclosed a self-addressed stamped one!

I thought everyone was warned about these, and the nice lady collecting for some reputable cause who asks is she might use your toilet.

And later you discovered your month's housekeeping money walked out the door in her pocket!

Someone once said, "If it looks too good to be true, then it probably is." but perhaps these scams do not look too good to be true to those who fall for them.

I truly don't get how someone gives money - and substantial amounts, too - to someone they haven't even met in person. How can they believe that person loves them? It's very slightly understandable if you've actually met someone in the flesh, but I still wouldn't be sending them money. Even my other half doesn't have access to my money. We've always had separate bank accounts, and one joint account for joint transactions. I am always very perplexed by these scams, "Romance scams" in particular. And I don't really have any sympathy for the scammed.

We all think it couldn't happen to us but I have seen it happen to my sister in real life. She was feeling very lonely with 2 young children and an extremely awkward ex husband. A subsequent long term relationship had gone south, a fledgling one wasn't working out and along came this young Turk who knew exactly how to press her buttons. From the outside we could see him for what he was but, in the end, she had to come to that conclusion. Her abandonment issues, damaged psyche from a chaotic childhood and desperation not to be a distrustful person made her a prime candidate. With a similar background, I am less trusting as I have been brought up with a liar, she is determined not to paint everyone with the same brush.
I can't ever see me being in that position but these people are so clever and more subtle than just asking for money to start with.
I also think that we should be careful of being scathing. There maybe people on here who are in the process of entering into this sort of "relationship" and we should be encouraging them to come forward to get help.

And I don't really have any sympathy for the scammed.

I have a lot of sympathy for the 55 year old lady who lost her husband after 34 years of marriage and was defrauded of her life savings because she thought someone might still love her.

How harsh you all are, blaming the victim.

I can’t help thinking these reported scams are the tip of the iceberg. It takes some courage to admit you have been so foolish to have been taken in, I’m sure an awful lot of people will say nothing. It just puzzles me that it’s still going on with so much publicity..

Hopefully not, DH would kill me lol.

It is regrettable that some are blaming the victims. Nobody would part me from my money, especially if I had not even met them. The overriding theme though is how charming and believable they are; they wouldn't be very successful con artists if they weren't! I think the saddest thing is the number of people, especially women of a certain age, who feel unvalidated, invisible, unless they are in a relationship. I have a cousin like this, has had two marriages and has now announced, on FB, a new relationship. As we are in lockdown, I am wondering how and when she met him, and if he is just online. A discreet telephone call needs to be made I think, straining every bit of tact I have.

Please do not blame the victims, they maybe very vunerable. Blame the scammers.

When people are lonely or really desperate for romance in their lives, common sense can just go out of the window, sadly.

Witzend my son enjoys watching YouTube videos posted by someone who scams the scammers! These are financial scammers who persuade people there's been fraudulent activity on their bank account and manage to persuade them to give the scammers remote access to their computer and bank details! They can then take all the money. It's insidious. Many of these scammers are in India and the clever guy who exposes them, by name, IP address and location (after hoaxing them himself) always reports them to the Indian authorities but nothing is done so they start again with a new victim.

Never give anyone remote access to your computer!

A big fat NO from me.

Some harsh words on this thread.
We all have our vulnerabilities and respond to things due to a mix of genetics, previous experiences, current circumstances and our physical and mental wellbeing.
The victims have done nothing wrong but have been vulnerable due to compassion, naivety or a need to be wanted/loved.
A very intelligent widowed friend of mine met a (supposedly divorced) man on holiday abroad who seemed to treat her well and with whom she appeared to have much in common. Following a second visit, she decided to move there to live with him, hoping to get married. After many months there and thousands of pounds lighter, she found out the truth that he was still married ( he hid his wife away), was embroiled in illegal activities and connected to some scary people. She was, in fact, lucky to get out of that country alive (I do not exaggerate). This was an extreme case and it was many years ago; there is definitely more publicity around these scams now.
I don't think any of us has the right to blame the victims. Anyone who has never made an error or judgement or believed the lies of a partner/colleague/tradesman have been very fortunate and should count their blessings.