Romance scams.......would you be gullible enough.

In my family I was brought up not to lend or borrow money [even from a family member let alone anyone outside it], and I haven't, ever. I was told it can go very wrong.

Anyone asking me for money would definitely not get any from me. What a nerve, because I wouldn't dream of doing that and that is my benchmark. Finding a new partner is not a financial transaction no matter how lonely one is. I'm single and alone. It's fine.

Where's their pride in asking for huge amounts of money anyway? I wouldn't want the sort of partner who asked me for money. If I volunteer a sum that's different. My rules.

That said I can be generous. If I want to help a family member out they don't have to say anything but I would be generous at Christmas or on their birthday.

Dingley Dell I should have said 😄not that it matters.

It’s an old-ish thread but a relevant one, scams are happening all the time.It’s nothing new is it, the romance scam, it’s in the Dickens book The Pickwick Papers. A younger con man running off with the older sister of the host at Dingley Den or some such name.Then being paid off to leave her alone.
Lonely people do fall for it, but now with the Internet you get scams coming at you from all round the world.

Here's another kind of scam. (Purely imaginary. I'm just a beginner).

A woman of impeccable social standing confesses how even she lost everything to a manipulative mystery crook online. She's a little hazy on the details of the lies and persuasion but honestly it somehow just happened even to a perfectly honest lady who was just too generous and trusting. She quavers that surely her bank saw her making huge payments out of her account and should have raised a red flag? Until it's all gone , oops untraceable. Will the bank compensate? Not enough, if any.

But wait. Perhaps a mystery US stranger will start a Just Giving page. Then naive trusting generous people can send money to fill up the very deserving lady's empty coffers again....

Without going into too much detail, a friend of mine was romance scammed last year. The usual format and she was reeled in with the most ridiculous story but was head over heels by this time. She told nobody until her bank statement showed she was dangerously low on money.
She told a couple of friends and we were all horrified that she had parted with a 6 figure sum.
She banks with Lloyds who had taken every opportunity to contact her and question the frequent large sums of money being taken out of her account. She admitted lying to Lloyds so they would send the cash. Lloyds have now refunded her everything she lost. I am pleased my friend doesn't have to scrimp and save but why should the banks have to cough up when they have been very diligent in their warning process?

theworriedwell

Galaxy

It's interesting that the anger seems to be directed at the women on the receiving end rather than the man committing the act.

Sad isn't it.

Victim blaming alive and well.

Mary Turner Thomson has written several books about the man she met and married. She has had two children with him.

It is greatly to her credit that she was able to turn her life round after this man conned her out of huge amounts of money and her home and assets. She now reaches out to other women who have had the misfortune to get involved with this man.

Will Jordan is an American con artist extraordinaire who wrecked the lives of women in the UK and the USA, many of whom had children with him.

Galaxy

It's interesting that the anger seems to be directed at the women on the receiving end rather than the man committing the act.

Sad isn't it.

I know people can feel lonely, vulnerable, etc., but romance scammers are not exactly a new thing.

I can't believe that people are STILL saying ''we've been messaging on Facebook for 3 weeks, we've never met in person, but he's in India, is a widower with 5 kids and desperately needs £35,000 to feed his kids that he can't afford to clothe, and he SWEARS he really loves me and wants to marry me. He's sent me photos of himself, he's very handsome, works as a surgeon, nice clothing, so I've booked a flight to go and see him and hand him this money ''Etc etc.

So, if he/she can't afford to clothe their kids, how come he/she is working as a surgeon and wears nice or expensive clothes?!

I fail to understand the lack of brains of these ''victims''!

Sarnia

There are some women out there who are desperate for love and affection from a man. Lambs or possibly mutton to the slaughter. As a previous post says, you know the outcome.

To be brutally frank, looking at these romance-scam victims on YouTube (there's an avalanche of them) many clearly have not looked in a mirror for many a long year. Back of a Bus is not even in it!

But, as if they've been granted a wish by the Pixies, some Mister Handsome, around half their age, pops up on a dating site declaring that they are rabidly attracted, this is the woman they've always been searching for, this is their ideal soulmate, etc, and all that utter twaddle.

And the said victim (plus her financial assets which will soon vanish) is snared - as simple as that!

These sad, sad women are, in effect, trying to buy a man. And there's something wholly revolting about the entire squalid business.

Why would you even waste the time “looking him up” when it’s clearly a scam.
Like cold calls- just hang up.
In the case of online contact , block and ignore.

One of my customers (who claimed to be a celebrity hairdresser in the USA) tried to chat me into loaning him $40,000 to pay for his mom's operation. I looked him up online and as well as a celebrity hairdresser he was also:

Special forces
An airline pilot
An offshore worker
A film producer

Busy chap!

I asked him did he do all these jobs simultaneously and he suddenly stopped communicating. hahahaha

It's very sad to hear about people losing their money in this way. I think there is a big difference between academic intelligence and emotional intelligence. Some people are bereaved and feel lost and alone despite having a good job or loving family. I used to feel that such victims should have none better but after listening to a couple of their stories I can quite understand how they got caught up with very plausible scammers.

I too was caught up in a scam when I joined an online dating site about 8 years ago. I was very vulnerable as I had just had a nasty marriage break up with my narcissistic husband.

I got chatting with an American soldier who posted several photos on the site. He appeared very caring and wanted to know all about my family. After about a month he said he wanted to marry me and be a good father to my kids. He befriended me on Facebook. I did think it was odd as when I asked him what star sign he was, he appeared puzzled saying he was the son of his father.

He told me he was caught up in a Nigerian war zone and if I contacted his senior officer he would get permission to come to the UK to marry me. I googled Nigerian war zone and up came an article about Nigerian scammers using photos of American soldiers and cheating women out of thousands of £.

When I contacted him on Facebook saying I knew he was a scammer, his profile suddenly disappeared as did his dating site profile. I count myself lucky not to have lost any money. But in all fairness to the scammed women, they do tap into your emotions when you're really vulnerable and you hope they are the "one."

Yes, scams have always been with us - and always will be. They adapt to the social protocols and technology of any age.

In a previous time when money was thin on the ground, and virtue was all, how many women were left pregnant and despairing after being persuaded into a physical relationship on the basis of a promise of marriage, which was reneged upon and they were deserted when they became pregnant.

Many a great Victorian novel is based on this premise and what happens as a result.

M0nica it must be horrible to watch this happen. How tricky for your sister.
Online or not, real people are likely to get hurt.

janeainsworth

Tim Harford on why people fall for scams. Men are just as vulnerable as women.
timharford.com/2019/09/we-are-all-potential-victims-of-the-con-artist/

Illuminating. We all have our vulnerable moments.

Tim Harford on why people fall for scams. Men are just as vulnerable as women.
timharford.com/2019/09/we-are-all-potential-victims-of-the-con-artist/

I agree Shropshirelass.
Look how often we see young, beautiful women coupling up with some wealthy man who is old enough to be their Grandpa. It’s obvious why!
As for these older ladies parting with their money to virtual strangers, I can only feel sadness for them. They’re either lonely or living in cloud cuckoo land.

It is not just women, there have been reports of men being scammed too. It is unbelievable to me and I wouldn’t part with my money for anyone!!

Notspaghetti I agree. About 5 years ago a male friend of my sisters, was befriended by a much younger foreign man he met at a club in London. Since they married he has been pouring all his money into building a house in the country of origin of his husband, supporting his family and investing in businesses for them.

My DS is afraid that eventually all his money will be in this other country - and when no more is available, the husband will just leave him. He already spends six months of the year in his country, leaving her friend, who does not like hot countries alone in this country.

No online scam involved.

one guy video called me after playing scrabble(i didnt know they could do that) . so me types in oh do you know sign language then .?), ,, end of ....

i used to play words with friends on my mobile . no more now . the men scammers on there are unbelievable. please send me money as i need an operation /pls send me visa papers/ you are beautiful/ lovely legs/i love you /you are wonderful/ my answer is oh yeah .. no money/no visa and no you dont love me you are a stranger ..maybe we can get to know each other via another messenger service . no thanks am only playing a game on here . then they get tough . i know where you live .really ??? i will come and get you . really without a visa etc? next is the delete button ...

Despite my profile on Facebook clearly stating that I am married - with a link to my husband's profile - I still get several message requests a week from men supposedly around my age. Fortunately they are usually innocuous on the lines of "hello dear how are you today" - some of my younger friends on FB have been sent dick pics and even dirty videos (obviously in those cases they report the profile). I just block the person and delete their message for the ones I get. What on earth makes people think they can message a random stranger on Facebook and get a reply? Are some people really daft enough to reply - don't answer that one, as the answer is clearly self-explanatory.

I do feel sympathy for the victims but I really wish these women and men would be a bit less naive about so-called romance scams. If everyone was a bit more sceptical about falling for the wide variety of internet and phone scams, there would be less scammers about. They exist because people fall for their schtick, unfortunately.

Fernhillnana

I do think the banks are a bit culpable in this. Surely they could have a system that noticed unusual activity in accounts like this one?

Banks do flag up any unusual activity and contact you to confirm the transaction, I regularly get texts to confirm payments.
After they have contacted you and explained the risks, if you say “pay it” it will be paid, its your money and they will obey the instruction.