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So upset! (Ambulance and elderly neighbours)

(33 Posts)
Witzend Thu 15-Apr-21 09:54:15

We have very frail, very elderly neighbours who ask us for help with this and that on a regular basis. Should add that we’re happy to do it. They have a son who visits regularly but he’s a good half hour drive away.

The other day I saw an ambulance parked close to their house and given our neighbours’ precarious states of health, I assumed it was for them - went and asked the paramedics (still inside) whether they’d come for house number X. I did explain that we were long term friends who helped them very regularly.
They said no.

But I just had a call from the wife (asking for help with something unrelated) who told me that her husband had recently been taken to hospital - it must have been that day - and was still there.
Why wouldn’t the paramedics tell me? I feel awful now that I wasn't aware. Maybe it’s a confidentiality issue, in which case I can understand it, but I still feel bad about it.

JaneJudge Thu 15-Apr-21 09:59:12

I'm sure it would be confidentiality. Don't beat yourself up about it, how were you to know?

ixion Thu 15-Apr-21 10:36:08

Perhaps you could ask their son for a contact number (if you don't have it already) and ask whether he could let you know in future if there is any change in their circumstances, in the light of what has happened recently?

CafeAuLait Thu 15-Apr-21 10:41:28

Confidentiality. They can't tell you.

henetha Thu 15-Apr-21 10:42:57

Not your fault. You sound like a lovely neighbour

Daisymae Thu 15-Apr-21 10:45:31

Well they told my neighbor when ambulance was outside our house. She phoned me. Guess that it depends on who you get.

LtEve Thu 15-Apr-21 10:48:30

They really shouldn’t be giving you any information. To be honest we get so many people knocking on the door and asking who have absolutely no connection to the patient and just want to know. In future just knock on the neighbours door and ask them if everything is ok.

GrandmaMia1 Fri 16-Apr-21 10:41:24

What is it you are feeling bad about? Because you weren’t told? I am not sure I am understanding why you feel bad.

Horatia Fri 16-Apr-21 10:42:20

You sound a very nice neighbour don't worry.

NannyG123 Fri 16-Apr-21 10:48:58

Perhaps you could have knocked a little later, after the ambulance had gone,and asked her if everything was OK. And did she need anything.

Jaffacake2 Fri 16-Apr-21 10:49:19

Sadly the paramedics may have come across people who prey on the elderly when they are ill so would not give out any information to you.
I helped an older lady who was having a fit on the floor of marks and Spencer's and someone in the middle of the drama stole her handbag.
Worked in frontline NHS for 40 years and have seen the good and bad in people.
Keep being a good neighbour.

nipsmum Fri 16-Apr-21 11:01:07

You thought you were doing the right thing but the ambulance service have to be very aware of a persons privacy and confidentiality is so important now. Please don't be upset. Just continue to do what you can for your elderly neighbours. So many elderly have no one to look out for them. You are not wrong yo be caring.

hilz Fri 16-Apr-21 11:03:29

It can shake people up seeing ambulances at neighbours houses. I think I would have had to knock the door a wee bit later on though just to check all is ok.
Maybe a conversation about what they would need from you if the situation were to arise again.

Aepgirl Fri 16-Apr-21 11:08:18

We’re always being told to look after our elderly neighbours, so you must feel very hurt that the paramedics brushed you off like this. However, I don’t know if that is to do with confidentiality or just that they needed to get on with their job.

Clearly the wife needs even more support now, so I’m sure you can help there.

Baggs Fri 16-Apr-21 11:11:17

Why wouldn’t the paramedics tell me?

It is a confidentiality issue.

Nannan2 Fri 16-Apr-21 11:12:58

You are a good neighbour dont worry.If you wish to help the wife whilst her hubby is in hospital, just knock & ask if she needs anything.But yes good advice to get their sons number, just in case of anything again, also you do say he visits regularly, so maybe next time he visits you could pop over & introduce yourself (if he doesn't already know you?) & maybe get his number then?or give him yours& ask if he would let you know if they need help another time? And 'a good half hour away' is next to nothing in a car really, is it? Maybe he will visit even more often after this perhaps.

Riggie Fri 16-Apr-21 11:19:10

Paramedics wont tell anyone. I was carted off in an ambulance and theybtold me a neighbour had been asking but that they dont say anything.

jaylucy Fri 16-Apr-21 11:28:20

Patient confidentiality, that's all.
I bet they often have had nosy parkers ask for information about their patient, so they just have a blanket "no" answer.

BRAVEBETH Fri 16-Apr-21 11:36:00

My mother lives in an assisted living home. The manager has the same problem, she always asks but they always say no
She could have vital information which would be useful
She has given up trying to be helpful and other residents have suffered including my mother.

bear1 Fri 16-Apr-21 12:01:18

i can reassure you it was only because they were not allowed to tell you who it was as this would be a breach of your neighbours confidentially it is standard practice now a days

Pammie1 Fri 16-Apr-21 12:57:09

Would have thought that during these Covid times the ambulance people would have given it a bit more thought. They needn’t have gone into detail but could have directed the OP to the wife, instead of basically telling her a lie - and leaving a vulnerable lady on her own after taking her husband to hospital.

Caro57 Fri 16-Apr-21 14:54:28

Confidentiality - how do the paramedics know who you are and that you really are a good friend.........

wicklowwinnie Fri 16-Apr-21 16:18:42

Jaffacake2

Sadly the paramedics may have come across people who prey on the elderly when they are ill so would not give out any information to you.
I helped an older lady who was having a fit on the floor of marks and Spencer's and someone in the middle of the drama stole her handbag.
Worked in frontline NHS for 40 years and have seen the good and bad in people.
Keep being a good neighbour.

Unfortunately, there is always someone hovering, ready to steal at these incidents. They often offer to hold a coat, a handbag or shopping, then just tiptoe away when everyone is busy.
I usually put my foot on the handbag to safeguard it.

Elvis58 Fri 16-Apr-21 16:30:03

Just a confidential issue.

rizlett Fri 16-Apr-21 17:45:16

Why wouldn’t the paramedics tell me?

Perhaps they were busy sorting out what needed to be sorted and found it unhelpful to have someone not involved asking questions.