Do you like yourself?

I've never liked me. I assume people won't like me! Getting older has helped, taking an interest in everything and listening properly to the few friends I do have, to
let them know I'm grateful for their friendship. I have few close friends and my family connections are fragile, not the source of happy get togethers as I would love. I'm a mum and I'd love my children and grandchildren around me, I'd love to be part of a big, happy family, but it's denied me.
I have a lovely husband, a lovely home, a silly doggy and my life to live as I want too. There's a lot I'm grateful for.

I am very confident in my own skin. I’m not rich, I’m not beautiful, I’m not super intelligent....but I am happy and contented. That is priceless.

So do I like myself, no not really, there is nothing particularly likeable about me and yet people seem to like me which always confounds me.
I am a iffy friend, I dont put in the effort. I am not the greatest wife, I am an ok mother I suppose, my children grand children and great grandson all love me so maybe they see something I dont.

Polomint. I think our society tends to favour extroverts rather than introverts (like me). You know, people are praised for being ‘out-going’ or ‘bubbly’. But all kinds of people have a contribution to make. Lockdown has meant a lot of time to be introspective. I also find that one is seldom praised as one gets older and we all need recognition. With me (and I wonder if it’s the same for you) it’s not myself I don’t like, I just don’t like my life as it is at the moment and wish it was different and more fulfilling.

I'm an "only child" and I will speak to anyone I'm confident and outgoing and made friends easily when I was younger because if I wanted someone to play with I had to.
My Mum was an only child and my daughter is too, both lovely.

I don't like myself all that much. I am socially awkward, can't make small talk and find it very hard to make friends. It's got a bit easier as I have got older, but not much.

I have also had people tell me, on two or three occasions, that someone they know finds me scary. I find this incredible, as I'm the one who is frightened of people! I can only think that, because I am shy, I tend to say very little when new people are around, and some people think that means that I am watching and judging them. (Although, thinking about it, maybe I am!)

I think that I'm basically a good person. I'm kind, I stick up for underdogs and I'm loyal. I know that my family love me and rely on my support. That helps me to feel better about myself. Still, I would like to feel more comfortable in my own skin but it's just the way I am.

Granny23
doing my best to appear cheerful and upbeat...

Its a terrible strain trying to keep this facade up isnt it?

Doesnt help when back home there isnt anyone to relaxed with.

You can pm me if you think it would help.

I think liking ones self is dependant on being accepted and loved/liked as a baby.
I believe that's the thinking from psychologists over the past few years.

POLARBEAR2
I am virtually the same as you!
I'm not really comfortable at parties in particular, in fact I long gave up going to any as I found them really stressful. I can put on a bit of a front to seem more extrovert but really am far more comfortable at home.
I can chat if I see people on a walk but that's just really surface chat.
I had an accident 10 years ago which has severely affected my mobility and I need a walker to manage to go for very slow walks. I'm now on steroids and have put even more weight on which I hate but find it virtually impossible to get rid of without being able to exercise properly at at least a brisk walk which is impossible for me to do.
I wish that the accident hadn't ever happened but I guess that I'm stuck with it!

I too am a Cancerean and really appreciate having a shell to retreat to.

“To fall in love with yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” Oscar Wilde put it very well, so I try!
I don’t like my faults of impatience, vanity, procrastination and a tendency to sluttishness about the house, domesticated I am not.
I had a miserable childhood and escaped into books, maybe this had made me self reliant. I enjoy my own company and at this stage would say yes, I like myself and try not to dwell on my faults.
Now living alone, I try to be a good friend to myself,

Yes, I quite like myself, most of the time! I don't make friends easily, and I know that I can come across as "opinionated", so some people see me as "stand-offish". Sadly, I know that's true. I do tend to literally stand back and wait for others to approach me. I'm not really comfortable "pushing in". On the other hand, when speaking about an issue I feel reasonably knowledgeable about, I am happy to express myself, and when working, was able to give presentations and speeches, even to large audiences. I hated "small talk" though, and struggled to remember peoples' names at functions!

Redhead56.
I thought you were writing about me!
I am an only child with an unlovable Mother but despite the constant putdowns.Have pushed myself and would consider myself outgoing and well liked and a good friend.l tend to have a few close friends some 40 years or more and 2 less than 6 months.But yes l do like myself !

I do like myself and get on well with almost everyone. We are not going to get along with everyone I suppose. I am outgoing, chatty and a good listener I think. I don't bother if someone is a bit mean (a couple of members of one group who have caused others to leave), I smile and say hello but avoid them as much as possible. I only need nice people in my life.

I used to worry about being liked when I was younger and thought it was my problem if I wasn’t. Now much older I think if I’m not liked it’s the other persons problem because I recognise I have nice friends who like me for who I am faults and all, and I like them for the same reasons. So yes I like myself because now I think I’m “good enough” and that’s fine.

I work with young people and when they worry about how they are seen by others I say to them “do you pay your friends to be friends with you “ and when they say no I say no of course you don’t, people are friends because each person gives the other something they need and a good friendship is pretty equal. I think being comfortable in your own skin comes with being older and having life experience.

I like myself but do I love myself? Now there's another question!
Can you love someone but not like them? We all know that you can like people but don't love them. I love my children but I don't like them all the time but in general I like them as people and not just family. Interesting messages on this thread as it has drifted off into talking about friendships.

Not that I'm complaining as if we have friends, then someone likes us

I'm the opposite of OP. I'm one of 5 (was the youngest for 10 years) and am chatty and transparent and confident. Oh, but sometimes I long to be the quiet one and soak up the people around me. I've tried... but as soon as there's a pause in the conversation, there I am again! I laugh a lot and make others laugh too.
What I'd change is my figure. Oh to be the slim 21 year old I once was!!

Polomint you have described my elder daughter and myself exactly. I’m Libra and she is Cancer. My youngest is Libra like myself - we are far more similar. Always eggshells with the eldest. Middle one is a Leo. As a not particularly extrovert person myself with a first husband who was a complete introvert I’ve no idea how how my son has always been so loud and extrovert. I suppose that’s why he’s a CD.

Bluecat. ... we could be twins! You’ve described me perfectly. I tend to speak as I find and say it as it is - not everyone likes this personality ... some do ... and I wouldn’t stab you in the back and am very loyal.

Tbh,i have never given it a thought.
My friends and family think i am a lovely person,so that will do for me.

I like most of my inner self. There are things I know I'm not good at but I have other strengths that compensate for them. However I have never liked my outer appearance and am jealous of my sister and other ladies my age who manage to look so graceful, attractive and stylish.
I relate really well with small children because they 'see' my kindness and playfulness; they don't judge by appearances. I have a small group of close friends and have been happily married for over 45 years, so I must be OK.

I like my 'outer appearance' when I am done up to go out so why, oh why when I see a photo of how I looked I hate it. It really makes me fed-up and it takes ages for me to get back to thinking that I look ok. No wonder I avoid having a photo taken at all costs