The meaning of life ?

Thank you Grammaretto and I’m sorry for your loss.

Your comments are all so interesting. I just want to find some peace of mind, I cannot change all that I have been in all my years( I am 66). I want to accept my past(doubting I made the right choice in my husband), because how do I validate my life, if the basic choice I made, I now realise was probably wrong? I am too cowardly to put words to this out loud. Even to OH, who has no clue. Some would say I owe it to him to explain my feelings, but as is typical of women my age, I thought he would change or at least become more mellow. But the opposite has happened, he is now a retired Victor Meldrew, negative about everything. Which brings me back to my desperate feelings about life ending for me, quite naturally I hope, but with some level of acceptance and calm. Sorry to be so negative myself about things

Live in the moment. See the skies, the clouds, hear the birds, value the smiles, rejoice that you've been lucky to live this long, smile at the sound of children playing, relish your favorite beverage, look for those who run to help when disasters happen, smell the rose, admire the industry of ants.
None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. So take small pleasures from today. Even if you've spent the day in bed, watching netflix, being totally lazy.
Perspective is everything

Maggie, I think being drawn back to faith and spirituality as we age is a perfectly natural thing to do. Maybe if you practised it, with all its faults, you would find the comfort and meaning you need, in the companionship of others.
As I hate the thought of my children grieving overly, I have told them my life has been wonderfully satisfying and if I die tomorrow (I’ve had cancer twice) it’s been marvellous (well not all through obv.), they have been the light of my life and no regrets. I felt so sad for my own mother when she died, talents unfulfilled and a very unhappy marriage.
Bridget, you need to arrange joyful time away from Victor Meldrew!

What a lovely post holly steers, I think I might take your advice about finding my faith again. I hope you are well now, you must have been through a lot. I do worry about getting cancer since three family members got it....ClareAB I do find great solace from being in nature and find that it grounds me.