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Mums 80th birthday

(95 Posts)
Mattsmum2 Thu 10-Jun-21 15:41:27

My mum is 80 next year and I want to do something special. My brother says she won’t want a party but I disagree. I’ve had thoughts are to hire the local village hall (she’s very well known in her village and has done lots for the community over the years), on the Sunday before her birthday and get caterers in to do an afternoon tea, cakes sandwiches and of course tea and other beverages. Do it as a drop in for a few hours so people can come and say happy birthday. The only thing is that the Sunday before her birthday is Mothering Sunday ( her birthday has always been around this day). Do you think it’s worth doing or will people be busy with their own families? Also welcome to know if anyone else has had other types of celebration. Thanks x

Silvergrand Sat 12-Jun-21 21:02:37

A friend organised a surprise 80th do in a restaurant and asked them to make a cake etc. I didn't feel well enough to go, and felt dreadful having to refuse.
Family also organised something in advance the weekend before and that was fine. Just family, cake and a bit of bunting but on a rented houseboat! Perfect.

Deedaa Sat 12-Jun-21 21:15:58

We weren't going to do anything for my mother in law's 80th because she always said she hated parties and hadn't seen any of her other relatives for several years. However DH's cousin said if we had a party at our house she would bring her mother and sister and their husbands and we could do it as a surprise. We were a bit dubious about the whole surprise thing but actually she loved it. She was really pleased to see her sister and one of her nieces was shortly emigrating to Australia so it was a chance to say goodbye. I even have photographs of her smiling!

Unigran4 Sat 12-Jun-21 21:19:23

My sister organised a surprise party for our Mum's 60th without consulting either Mum or me. She asked if I would let myself in Mum's house whilst she took Mum out for coffee, then I was to lay out all the food whilst the guests arrived, and she would bring Mum back to the big "surprise ".

I was squirming, I knew Mum wouldn't like it. She carried it off really well, but I could see she was uncomfortable.

The year before her 70th birthday she took me aside and said emphatically "Definitely no surprises for my 70th please, tell your sister".

I would definitely ask her.

Shropshirelass Sat 12-Jun-21 22:00:53

I would ask your Mom. My Mom had a surprise anniversary party and she hated it!

darbycall Sat 12-Jun-21 22:11:27

another thought about birthdays for those of us getting on. I am 80. live alone, in good health, drive. there are many experiences I would love to have, concerts, visits to an outdoor museum, even the theater. however, many are not in my comfort zone for driving or I just do not want to go alone. often I hear how one of my kids enjoyed one of these experiences and I long to go before it's too late. I would just love it if my family would offer to take me. that would be the best gift.

Elvis58 Sun 13-Jun-21 07:07:58

I would ask her first and definately change the Sunday.A drop in tea sitting around all afternoon in the hopes people turn up sounds like my idea of hell!

Franbern Sun 13-Jun-21 08:35:31

darbycall- sometimes we just need to make our wishes known. Tell your AC how much you would appreciate being included, occasionally, in some of these outings. They are not mind readers.

For my 60th, one of my Young AC photocopied my address book. On the day I was told I was being taken out by my two eldest daughters, but needed to drop of my young g,son to be looked after with some friends who we were to meet at a nearby hall.

So, I was left in the car whilst they went in (baby in pj's). Inside, were all my friends, and othe children. PJ;s were over his party clothes, I was then taken inside to a wonderful surprise party.

Today (my 80th), I being collected by that same daughter to be driven out for the day - not told where. Mhy son and dil visted yesterday and and we went out for a lovely meal. I said farewells to them when they left for overnight stay in hotel and 'to drive home today'.

I have a very strong suspicion as to what this day out is. A park in Southampton, which is gettoable by all my children and g.children. I am pretty sure that the drive out will end there, for a picnic with the entire family. My son did find it difficult to 'pretend' last night when I asked him to send me an text when he arrived home safely today!!!

Off now to get dressed and be ready for pick=up. I could be totally wrong of course.

Copes283 Sun 13-Jun-21 09:12:44

My DH hates parties, so when he turned 65 we had a surprise drop in at our home. He loved that as it gave time to talk to each set of friends/family that came and the slightly restricted space meant that people had to leave to accommodate new arrivals! I just spent the day cooking sausage rollsxand making cups of tea! My friend hired a hall when her Mum turned 90 and did a similar thing. It means that nobody is overwhelmed. Just a suggestion for you! Have a lovely time whatever happens.

Moth62 Sun 13-Jun-21 09:27:21

We had an evening do for my mum’s 80th at a room in a local pub. My mum’s family is huge so it was a lovely evening. Definitely not a surprise though, which she would have hated. Brother and me and our families stayed at mum’s - somehow! Getting ready was fun! She had five young grandsons who all decided to wear a white shirt and a bow tie. A lovely evening. Let us know, Franbern, if it’s as you think!

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 13-Jun-21 10:04:00

Your brother says she wouldn't want a party but you disagree and only one of you can be right. How does he know? Has she spoken before about a dislike of fuss? I wouldn't want to arrange a party if the birthday girl wasn't keen.

NotSpaghetti Sun 13-Jun-21 10:13:52

Pleased you have decided to talk to her about it.
Problem solved!

NannaLyn Sun 13-Jun-21 10:22:10

Franbern

Happy, happy birthday! flowers

Have the best day you possibly can and enjoy whatever your family has planned for you. It is such a beautiful morning in N Somerset today! smilesunshine🎂

rowanflower0 Sun 13-Jun-21 15:00:57

A friend had an afternoon tea party for his 80th, arranged by his family, in a church hall - a great event which he enjoyed immensely - I would do it, but the following Sunday, or on the Saturday.

instagran Tue 15-Jun-21 00:20:49

I agree with those who say they would hate a surprise party - so would I for my 80th at end of last year, but managed to convince my AD that it would be lovely just to have some buffet food and my 5 lovely grandchildren.
Destin I would be grateful if you could tell me the name of the travel firm you mention.

Franbern Tue 15-Jun-21 08:48:39

Well! I just had to come back on here to tell you how my 80th birthday (last Sunday) turned out.

As I said in my earlier post, I had really wanted a full family get -together. All my five AC live in England, (four of them with hubbies/wives) but not close together, and I had, some months back, given up any idea of trying to work out how to have them all together (plus the eight g.children). 18 in total Settled on seeing them all separately over the summer,

The daughter who lives near me had said she was taking me out that day and duly collected me early the mornng. I was a little surprised to see that her hubbie and all four of her children (aged 11 yrs to 21 yrs) were in their big family vehicle, even more surprised when she said it would take over two hours to get to where we were going.

It was a special pub, she said, for lunch - with a glorious view!

When we arrived and parked hubbie and four children went ahead and daughter stayed with me to help me negotiate my mobility scooter through the side gate to this pub. It was lovely there, large area of outdoor decking right beside the river. My SiL was at the far end waving to me to come there, and I carefully negotiated between other diners, etc.
End area was roped off and there was a large covered shed type area there. Once I got there and 'parked' the scooter, I looked at the ducks, etc on the river and commened it was Indeed, a lovely view'. And, was told to look to my left to that covered area - and there - were ALL my children and g.children and decorations and balloons for my 80th.

It was the most wonderful surprise and the best possible way for me to celebrate,. Even my son and DiL who had driven down to be with me the day before, and to whom I had said a fond farewell the night before were there (My DiL did say she had nearly let the cat out of the bag, when I was saying goodbye to her - she nearly said 'see you tomorrow'!!)
One of my daughters had made a beautifulcake which had (edible) pictures of each of my children and g.children around it.

I felt so very happy, so very spoilt. It was wonderful. Had taken so much preparation and organisation - but it came together so magnificently and I have so many really fantastic memories of that day.

Mattsmum2 Tue 15-Jun-21 08:52:13

Franbern

Well! I just had to come back on here to tell you how my 80th birthday (last Sunday) turned out.

As I said in my earlier post, I had really wanted a full family get -together. All my five AC live in England, (four of them with hubbies/wives) but not close together, and I had, some months back, given up any idea of trying to work out how to have them all together (plus the eight g.children). 18 in total Settled on seeing them all separately over the summer,

The daughter who lives near me had said she was taking me out that day and duly collected me early the mornng. I was a little surprised to see that her hubbie and all four of her children (aged 11 yrs to 21 yrs) were in their big family vehicle, even more surprised when she said it would take over two hours to get to where we were going.

It was a special pub, she said, for lunch - with a glorious view!

When we arrived and parked hubbie and four children went ahead and daughter stayed with me to help me negotiate my mobility scooter through the side gate to this pub. It was lovely there, large area of outdoor decking right beside the river. My SiL was at the far end waving to me to come there, and I carefully negotiated between other diners, etc.
End area was roped off and there was a large covered shed type area there. Once I got there and 'parked' the scooter, I looked at the ducks, etc on the river and commened it was Indeed, a lovely view'. And, was told to look to my left to that covered area - and there - were ALL my children and g.children and decorations and balloons for my 80th.

It was the most wonderful surprise and the best possible way for me to celebrate,. Even my son and DiL who had driven down to be with me the day before, and to whom I had said a fond farewell the night before were there (My DiL did say she had nearly let the cat out of the bag, when I was saying goodbye to her - she nearly said 'see you tomorrow'!!)
One of my daughters had made a beautifulcake which had (edible) pictures of each of my children and g.children around it.

I felt so very happy, so very spoilt. It was wonderful. Had taken so much preparation and organisation - but it came together so magnificently and I have so many really fantastic memories of that day.

How wonderful, such a special day xxx

buddy1954 Tue 15-Jun-21 09:06:13

I would say, if you want to do it as a surprise, try to sound her out to see if she would really like a party.
My sisters and I did a surprise 40th wedding anniversary party for my parents years ago and I knew it was a bad idea but I was outvoted. It was certainly no celebration for my mother and she didnt enjoy it. She never liked being the centre of attention and didnt want to celebrate 40 years with my father as it was by no stretch of the imagination a happy marriage. Of course she never told anybody only me she didnt. Such a waste of money and she could never enjoy looking back at the photos.

V3ra Tue 15-Jun-21 09:43:15

Franbern the secret to your suprise party being such a wonderful success is that it was what you'd wanted all along.
It sounds like you all had a fantastic day 🥰

Gwenisgreat1 Tue 15-Jun-21 10:17:57

For my 70th, my daughters had got hold of my phone and invited a crowd of my friends - it was a surprise party and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing old friends and relatives