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Mums 80th birthday

(88 Posts)
Mattsmum2 Thu 10-Jun-21 15:41:27

My mum is 80 next year and I want to do something special. My brother says she won’t want a party but I disagree. I’ve had thoughts are to hire the local village hall (she’s very well known in her village and has done lots for the community over the years), on the Sunday before her birthday and get caterers in to do an afternoon tea, cakes sandwiches and of course tea and other beverages. Do it as a drop in for a few hours so people can come and say happy birthday. The only thing is that the Sunday before her birthday is Mothering Sunday ( her birthday has always been around this day). Do you think it’s worth doing or will people be busy with their own families? Also welcome to know if anyone else has had other types of celebration. Thanks x

V3ra Thu 10-Jun-21 15:50:41

I'd ask your mum if she'd like you to organise this party, especially as you and your brother are already disagreeing over it!
If she's in favour I really wouldn't organise it for Mother's Day; would the next Sunday suit you?
Does your brother have any other suggestions in mind?

lemongrove Thu 10-Jun-21 15:52:00

Sounds a nice idea for her, but don’t make it happen on Mothers Day, the Sunday after would be better.You can do something just with the family on her actual birthday.

lemongrove Thu 10-Jun-21 15:52:45

X post V3ra.😃

Mattsmum2 Thu 10-Jun-21 16:07:10

V3ra

I'd ask your mum if she'd like you to organise this party, especially as you and your brother are already disagreeing over it!
If she's in favour I really wouldn't organise it for Mother's Day; would the next Sunday suit you?
Does your brother have any other suggestions in mind?

Thanks for your suggestions. My brother generally asks me to organise things.

Franbern Thu 10-Jun-21 16:09:35

My 80th is on Sunday. I had originally thought about trying to get the whole family together for a celebration. Even without Lockdown, this would never have worked. GCSE's and A levels are all around this time of the year, making it difficult for my children to bring their offspring away from home.
Then I thought of a weekend at somewhere like centreparc. But booking for that during school holiday times is prohibitive.
With five adult children their partners, eight g.children aged between 9 and 21 years plus a brother and sister-in-law and one of their adult with whom I am particularly close, not sure if I would want to 'cope' with all together!
So, my children have purchased me a lovely, expensive Riser/Recliner chair which I will have for the rest of my life to remind of this lovely birthday. Each family has arranged to visit me separately over the summer, so I will have a series of 80th birthday meals and celebrations.

Liz46 Thu 10-Jun-21 16:11:50

I would ask her what she wants. For my 70th I had several events. One was lunch with six friends which was lovely.

Another day we visited family an hour's drive away and all had lunch together.

I enjoyed all the informal events but wouldn't have wanted one big party.

Shelflife Thu 10-Jun-21 16:16:55

Please ask your mum what she would like. I do think your idea of a drop in afternoon tea in her village hall us a wonderful idea - perhaps not on Mother's day though !? Not till next year so time to discuss and plan . Whatever happens I hope she has a happy and memorable birthday.

Grandma70s Thu 10-Jun-21 16:19:47

There is a big age range on this site! I am older than your mother.

I’d have been absolutely furious if anyone had organised a party for me. Luckily they knew better.

Mattsmum2 Thu 10-Jun-21 16:26:56

Grandma70s

There is a big age range on this site! I am older than your mother.

I’d have been absolutely furious if anyone had organised a party for me. Luckily they knew better.

We organised a party for her 50th and at the same time my grandmothers 80th as their birthdays were 3days apart.

Jaxjacky Thu 10-Jun-21 16:29:35

We, the children, took Mum out for lunch to her favourite restaurant with the rest of the family and her friends. She was in the first throes of dementia, but thoroughly enjoyed her day.

Blossoming Thu 10-Jun-21 16:34:17

Afternoon tea sounds lovely, but as others have said not on Mother’s Day. I wouldn’t organise it without telling her though. I don’t like surprise parties. On the other hand, you know your mother and I don’t!

Peasblossom Thu 10-Jun-21 16:43:53

Please ask her if she would like this.

Lots of people will think it’s a lively idea, but it would be my idea of a nightmare.😱

It would make me miserable for days after.

NotSpaghetti Thu 10-Jun-21 17:13:25

Grandma70s

There is a big age range on this site! I am older than your mother.

I’d have been absolutely furious if anyone had organised a party for me. Luckily they knew better.

I'm with you on this!

I would just refuse to go.

NotSpaghetti Thu 10-Jun-21 17:14:05

Exactly Peasblossom

BrightandBreezy Thu 10-Jun-21 17:34:19

My mother was 90 during lockdown. She had really wanted a big family gathering and also an afternoon tea arranged at both of the afternoon dances she attended regularly before lockdown. Sadly none of this could happen but we did the best we could.
My brother and his wife made a morning visit. Then dh and I came over with a special cake and a buffet as mum is in our bubble. Flowers, plants, gifts and balloons arrived all day from various family members and neighbours came to the end of the drive with cards and small gifts so she did have a lovely day. She sent me up and down the street with birthday cake for all the neighbours before she would let us go home.
She is still hoping for a full family gathering later in the summer so we will see.
She is a very social person though and big events don't always suit everybody.

I think it is a wonderful idea to have an afternoon tea in the village hall for your mum but personally I wouldn't choose Mother's Day. So many people do their own thing on Mother's Day. lunches out ext and I think there will be even more bookings for special lunches ext. next year because of how much has been missed this year. It would be disappointing if there was a poor turnout because of this.

Maybe it would be a good idea to book a special meal out for your mother on the Mother's Day. It could be a celebration of MD and her birthday with maybe a special cake brought out for her ext. Then if she fancies it you could have the afternoon tea the following Sunday. It's good that you are already thinking of it and I'm sure she will enjoy whatever you all jointly decide. flowers

Talullah Thu 10-Jun-21 17:37:50

I'd definitely wait for the Sunday before or after Mother's Day. Why does your brother think she won't like a party? I've always been a bit dodgy about surprise parties. Maybe check with her first. My friends organised a surprise party for my 40th. My closest friend actually told me it was being planned because she knew I'd have hated it! Seeing as I knew it was happening it was all fine.

Hithere Thu 10-Jun-21 17:47:12

Why not ask her what she would like to do?

Calendargirl Thu 10-Jun-21 18:16:17

The OP hasn’t actually said it would be a surprise party.

I think Mum should be asked if she wants a ‘do’.

Why does brother think she won’t want one? Does he know something sister doesn’t?

cornergran Thu 10-Jun-21 18:21:28

My Dad loved the 80th party we arranged for him. He knew in advance there would be a gathering - that way he was as he put it properly dressed - but not the venue or who would be there. Why not ask your Mum and yes, if a party the Sunday after Mothering Sunday would make life easier for many of the guests.

Kim19 Thu 10-Jun-21 18:25:48

Well, this interests me hugely. I thought I was having a family lunch for my 80th. That was my choice. However on the day I was wonderfully 'invaded' and joined by four important extended family members. Now, had this been suggested, I would have said thanks but no thanks. I was so wrong and the unexpected addition indeed embellished the already very memorable occasion. Certainly surprised myself with my reversed thinking. Never too late to learn even about oneself.

Kamiso Thu 10-Jun-21 18:51:08

Or perhaps the brother doesn’t like parties himself?

The first surprise party I went to was a big affair with people being flown in etc. The birthday “girl” commented quietly that she wished she’d been able to get her hair done and buy a new frock. The guests were all done up to the nines and she was dressed for a meal out with her husband.

The second one was more of a shock than a surprise! The party was for next doors elderly mother. No one mentioned her birthday all day. She thought she was going for tea and cake and found the world and his wife jumping out at her. Poor lady was shaking like a leaf and trying to hide her dismay. She confided later that she was exhausted after all the highs and lows.

V3ra Thu 10-Jun-21 19:32:11

Friends organised a surprise party for my 60th birthday.
I'd been trying to arrange a meal and kept getting knocked back over dates, so in the end one friend told me what they'd booked.
She said, "I know it's not what you wanted, and I know you don't like that restaurant, but it's what suited everyone else."
I wasn't brave enough to say no so I went, and hated it. I was so upset.
The week after my son and I went to the restaurant I liked and had a lovely time 😊
So I'm not a fan of surprise parties!

lemsip Thu 10-Jun-21 19:42:21

my family would know better than to do that for me thankfully.
I'm with Grandma70s

Fennel Thu 10-Jun-21 20:00:20

Same here lemsip
I told them all in advance that I didn't want any further reminder of my mortality. .
But best to ask her - we're all different.