Happiness

TerriT

Like kate1949, my childhood undoubtably made me uneasy if I felt a bit happy. Best not to because then you can cope when the bang comes is how it feels. I’ve got three great kids who have good lives so I must have got that right but so much under the surface of me that goes unseen. My mother didn’t like me to seem happy so I learned not to. I keep on keeping on as they say!

I can understand your experience TerriT I mirrors my own very well.

I wouldn't say I am always happy but I can say I'm generally content.. Life has its ups and downs but if you expect to be happy all the time you will be disappointed.

I have been happy many, many times. But only once in my life have I experienced such total happiness that I can't even describe it. I was in my late 20s, had come back from travelling abroad and was sitting in my parents' beautiful garden with them, my DH and my grandparents. I have never experienced happiness like that since. I felt as if my heart would burst.

I think that as I have got older what makes me happy has changed. A lot of the time it was about having things and now it can be about doing things. I went to the park with my grandson this morning. A lot of the time life can be about moments of pure joy and the rest of the time being happy not to feel unhappy...

I can also think of three times when I have been happy and truly content for some period of time. two of these were relationships which came after long periods of being alone, finally thinking one is loved. the third is the birth of my daughter. feeling our family was complete. I was happy when my son was born but too young and frightened to fully experience real joy. sadly, the two above relationships ended as well, after relatively brief periods of time at that, just like the others. I feel moments of joy and happiness as I go about my life, from my children, animals, friends and nature. Still, at my now advanced age I cannot help but feel I have somehow missed out. I am grateful most of the time for all the many blessings I have been given'

Isn't it human nature that when we are having that moment of happiness, we are aware that it may be fleeting? Surely that is the essence of happiness.

I suspect it goes back to the dawn of civilisation, even as you lay outside your cave basking in the sunshine you still had to be aware that there might be a sabre tooth tiger eying you up as a potential lunch.

Like kate1949, my childhood undoubtably made me uneasy if I felt a bit happy. Best not to because then you can cope when the bang comes is how it feels. I’ve got three great kids who have good lives so I must have got that right but so much under the surface of me that goes unseen. My mother didn’t like me to seem happy so I learned not to. I keep on keeping on as they say!

Memories of my life . its experiences and the happiness they brought, keeps me going in these dark days .

Due to my upbringing, I was frightened every day as a child. Since then of course I've had some happy times, my family, lovely holidays etc. However, I have had some traumatic things happen to me both as a child and an adult. The fear I felt as as child is still there. I am very mistrustful of life. I'm always waiting for the next awful thing and am rarely disappointed. Yes it's a terrible attitude to have but there we are.

GraceQuirrel that sounds so sad. Do you think it is the anti-depressants or the underlying depression. I had an uncle who probably would have summed up himself up much as you have. He had probably suffered from depression since childhood and always said and seemed to feel as you do. After a breakdown he was on anti depressants for the last 6 years of his life. He also went into care and used to say he was happier than anytime in his life, despite a good marriage and career success.

I felt truly happy on my daughter’s wedding day (me having divorced 2 years previously and thought I had no chance of happiness again) and on the birth of my grandson.

1Summer
Only you have allowed your brain to develop the habit of feeling anxious. Now start to develop the habit of switching it back to your happy place ?
It won’t happen over night. But your brain formed this habit so it can turn around. Try it ?

Getting married, births of children and grandchildren, getting degree; all moments of happiness that I recall.
A sunny day when we can go out makes me happy. Our recent holiday made me happy.
Often, moments of happiness are more fleeting and analysing why I feel happy makes me worry. I just enjoy them and move on.

I am fairly emotionless and I put that down to nearly 20 years on antidepressants to treat panic attacks. I never laugh and never cry. I cannot orgasm either. Everyone says I am miserable just because I don’t smile but to be honest I don’t feel miserable just that grey area in between happy and sad.

Somebody well known said "Happiness is not a place we arrive at, but a manner of travelling".
Really happy moments are few and far between when you get old, but I do have a feeling of contentment occassionally.

I find happiness or contentment come in packages and moments along life’s way , the same as sadness and discontent
The thing I have trouble with is feeling excited anticipation for events and holidays although I always enjoy them when the time comes.

It’s been a pretty horrible year losing family n couple of friends to Covid plus not seeing my son n his young family who live across other side of the world but thankfully I’m still here and extremely grateful that I can go into my garden enjoy a glass of wine. We all have good n bad days. I hope you start to feel happy just to be alive x

Often content but no longer have the feelings of intense happiness felt in my younger days. As someone else said I think maybe feelings have deadened, I remember saying several yrs ago that I don't seem to ever feel happiness anymore.

i am happy when my grandchildren come to my home to play. outside of course . but my daughter thinks up every excuse not too...and visiting my brother in worthing west sussex , still hoping to move there .

Definitely when all 3 of my babies were born, then at all 3 of their weddings, then the arrival of 5 beautiful GC .... they are the most precious times of all. Getting redundancy from a very stressful job was very special ! Then spending that cash on my dream holidays..... Rio Carnival, Jazz tour in New Orleans, cruising to Bora Bora, Tahiti and Hawaii etc
Life is swings and roundabouts tho ..... have just lost 5 dear friends in the past 15 months .....

What I am noticing on this thread is that no one can ever define happiness. Is it that fleeting second of complete ecstasy or that lower level longer lasting of what I would call content.

I think my nature is naturally content, Despite a couple of tragedies and periods of difficulty, I have been fortunate in life and I am always gratful for this. No line is straight so I have times when contentment becomes deep content and rises to happiness, but the spikes of pure ecstasy can be counted on the fingers of one hand, and none of them are the ones people always think of when you talk of moments of pure ecstatsy.

What a very interesting post. Thought provoking.

I am starting a whole new life at 70 and have not been feeling happy at all most of the time.

I am finding adjusting difficult, but last week when I was in town with my 14 year old Granddaughter she put her hand in mine as we walked down the street.I was filled with a wonderful sense of happiness.

Often when I feel deeply happy its quickly followed by a feeling of anxiety because I know this happiness is fleeting. It upsets me that I cannot enjoy “the moment”. Its not as if I am unhappy most of the time but I wish I could learn to better enjoy the deeply happy moments.

Some great comments here. Agree that moments of great happiness are few and need to be treasured. I also find my emotions have been dulled by events in my past, but make an effort to be thankful each day for the smallest of things.

Yesterday happiness was my friend Mrs Duck bringing her ten ducklings to see me and show them where to find free food on a regular basis. Mrs Duck visits regularly and will feed from my hand....