Happiness

Dannirae and Namsnanny,

Thank you for your kindness xx

Reading other peoples replies has been very interesting. It has enabled me to look at myself within these parameters.

I think for my underlying discontent/unhappiness/ire melancholy(??) a contributing factor is feeling as if I'm not the center of my life now. Once like us all I was building a life, now I feel as if I'm freewheeling, of no use.

Not that I concentrate on that all the time. I DO things to ward off thinking too deeply in that vein. But as Summerfly put it there is a sadness somewhere inside.

As I said in my OP and later on I think some circumstances encourage you (one) to live in the moment and the rest of life seems to be preparing for that moment.

I wonder if that is why some people (normally men it seems to me), take on dangerous sports? To experience 'feeling in the moment', more often?

Thank you everyone for your contributions. They are most illuminating.

So many people have had their lives turned upside down by finding out their parents arnt who they thought they were.
I'm so glad you coped better with the knowledge Fernbergien.
Perhaps your age and experience was helpful in this respect?

So yes, being a senior was in your case, was a blessing!

Summerfly ... I do think our biology (by that I really mean hormones) play a big part in out mental outlook.
I've read many times that a persons early years re train the brain into being either end of the spectrum from positive to pessimistic.
Some times it takes a trigger of an illness or something to bring this to the fore.
I'm glad you had carefree days in your life.

I had a “funny” childhood and was not allowed to show feelings and also suppressed them. Then as a senior citizen found out my “father” was not my father. 99% know who he is now through DNA. It did not affect me as much as it could have. Which I suppose is a blessing.

Hi Summerfly - sorry to hear that you have great sadness inside you. Maybe you could seek help for this. A visit to the GP would be a good start.
Good Luck x

Life’s a funny old thing. I suffer with anxiety and struggle most days with it.
Gone are those wonderful, carefree days of my youth. Life has dealt me a few bad blows emotionally, but I’ve also , like others, experienced great moments of joy and happiness.
Sadly, as I’ve aged, I have become an unhappy soul. I have a wonderful husband and family, but I have a great sadness inside me that I can’t explain.

My greatest joy is my Catholic faith, my husband, and family. I have experienced probably all the sorrows and blessings of this life. For sheer happiness in the moment, nothing like grandbabies, gardens, and dogs.

I felt happy when two very troublesome demanding members of my family left home. For me happiness is on your own.

A man called Alfred D’Souza once said. Happiness is a journey not a destination. Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth. If only it was that easy, but I think a lot of people suppress or block ways to happiness. MerylStreep is right we need to change habits to find a path to happiness.

Contentment, happiness and joy! I think I am mostly content, with moments of happy and joyousness. I'm not ones who laughs a lot, but nor do I wear a grumpy face. I do appreciate the small joys; a comfy bed, lovely smelling shampoo, the sound of birds. I think small joys add up.

But I tend to see the bright side of things, just ask my kids. Yes, I have had troubles, and not a lot of joy in my teen years with a sick father and stressed mother, but you can't let things drag you down. Chin up, and look for the birds, I say.

Namsnanny, thank you! I've never heard that quotation before, but it certainly is along similar lines that I recognise! My upbringing made sure I wouldn't ever get above myself, and I'm definitely no Emperor! I think I may be starting to get a bit deaf to that annoying voice in recent years, realising that being happy is not a sin after all. Counting my many blessings and even a few achievements, I think what I feel could be called happiness. Little children have such a capacity for happiness; if only we could keep hold of that. ☺️ Very interesting thread.

Newatthis

How awful for you Vampirequeen not to feel the emotions other people do. Is this a medical condition you have?

Things happened when I was very young and I think I simply learned how to suppress emotion. Then the depression and anxiety came in my teens and pushed positive or strong emotions further down. Now I feel things but I'm not sure what it is. I recognise anger in other and it terrifies me. I recognise anger in myself by the physical symptoms and the fear. I hate being angry The first time I felt anger I thought I was having a heart attack. A colleague was with me at the time and explained what I was feeling. I think I've felt happiness but I'm not sure.

timetogo2016

The happiest days of my life were with my parents especially when i had my dc`s,oh how they adored them,i can see the smile on their faces to this day,especially when i named my eldest after my dad.
He went on a right bender shouting it from the rooftops,and it was the only time my mom didn`t give him an earbashing.
My eldest was the apple of his g/dads eye and my youngest was the same with his Nannie.

That sounds just as it should be timetogo2016 but unfortunately often isnt.
I'm glad you had this shared love with your parents

Kryptonite I can understand how undermining that 'niggling little voice' in the background is.

Not quite the same, but I remember reading that the Roman Emperors had a slave who was given the task of whispering in their ears at momentous occasions 'sic transit gloria or momento mori' (glory fades and remember you are mortal).
To stop them getting above themselves!

If they listened to the same voice as you and I recognize, they wouldnt have the confidence to become Emperors in the first place would they?

albertina

What a very interesting post. Thought provoking.

I am starting a whole new life at 70 and have not been feeling happy at all most of the time.

I am finding adjusting difficult, but last week when I was in town with my 14 year old Granddaughter she put her hand in mine as we walked down the street.I was filled with a wonderful sense of happiness.

How heartwarming albertina.
What a lovely thoughtful girl and at 14y as well.
It's wonderful when affection is given just out of the blue, for nothing isnt it?

I have been my most happiest when DH and l took early retirement together.We ask nothing of anyone and do as we please, thats true happiness.

Unfortunately, my mother brought me up to believe that 'you cannot expect to he happy in this life but only in the next'. You can probably guess which religion that comes from. Ironically, she herself has a cheerful disposition and can always see the funny side. But I guess that is not true happiness. As a result, I haven't really known how to be and do happy or enjoyment because there's that niggling voice that spoils things. However, my little grandchildren definitely make me feel deep happiness as did my children. Like others, I feel deep contentment in little things, more so following serious illness. I still go to church.

DanniRae I think you have just described me. I’m a very emotional person and a “glass half full” attitude. I have been alone since 1976 and although I have wished to find a nice companion, I get great joy through my family and don’t really let things get me down, so I would say that I’m a happy person.

Think Monica's wise words are nearest to my experiences but she expresses it more articulately. I am constantly aware of a deep contentment with my lot but also acutely aware of how fortunate I have been in general. Pretty ancient but having generally good health so far and only one very major catastrophe in all these years. Compared to many, I've so little to complain about. However, as the saying goes, comparisons are odious.

There have been s few times when I have experienced true happiness. The pride my parents felt when, after an unhappy time at school ( which I hated) I got a place at university where I had four happy years. The birth of my beautiful children and my last place of work which gave me nearly five years of ridiculous fun and happiness before I retired.

The happiest days of my life were with my parents especially when i had my dc`s,oh how they adored them,i can see the smile on their faces to this day,especially when i named my eldest after my dad.
He went on a right bender shouting it from the rooftops,and it was the only time my mom didn`t give him an earbashing.
My eldest was the apple of his g/dads eye and my youngest was the same with his Nannie.

I think sometimes you don’t really now that you are happy until the time has past, when I look back to my now adult daughters being little little I know they were the happiest days of my life,
Other truly happy moments was when my daughter arrived home from wore torn countries safe and sound ( she’s in the forces)
And when I now hear my happy little grandsons playing

Childrens laughter. I find the effect it has is almost intoxicating. There is elation and freedom in seeing them enjoying themselves.

Is contentment the same as happiness ? Is joy the same as happiness - I don’t know the answer really. Its a lot to think about and I guess sometimes just depends on your mood and where you are in your life. I’m generally happy and content but I can have days when I’m neither. Human nature I guess. As I get older I find happiness and contentment in much simpler things , the garden, my grandchildren’s laughter and a lovely home and not too much to worry me.

M0nica

What I am noticing on this thread is that no one can ever define happiness. Is it that fleeting second of complete ecstasy or that lower level longer lasting of what I would call content.

I think my nature is naturally content, Despite a couple of tragedies and periods of difficulty, I have been fortunate in life and I am always gratful for this. No line is straight so I have times when contentment becomes deep content and rises to happiness, but the spikes of pure ecstasy can be counted on the fingers of one hand, and none of them are the ones people always think of when you talk of moments of pure ecstatsy.

I think my nature is naturally content

It's so difficult to dissect what we are isnt it?

So many biological and external things make up who we are and how we will ultimately react.

Someone said earlier that their hormones made such a difference to the 'happiness' they had in their lives.

Also our early years experience sets us on a road to cope with life's vagaries. Or not as the case maybe.

The experience I was trying to convey in my original post was hard to explain.

Each time I was confident in my abilities, helping others at that moment, and keenly aware that nothing else mattered but that moment.

Perhaps it was a little like the experience that I've heard mountaineers talk of.

The only thing that matters is the next foothold. The world disappears and you are at one with only your experience and the next move in play.