The Argy back to basics.

Ooh Doodle I do hope you’ve got those flares in your bloomers. You’ll have them worshipping you - lady come from across water with firey bum. Like those South Sea (?) islanders and Prince Philip.
Ixion is all well at the shed?

I’ll have to own up Doodle that I’ve been awol for a while … I took the llamas out trekking and lost them all in the hills for days. I’ve been searching for ages but pleased to report they’re all back now safe and sound and enjoying their chips again now
Sounds like you’re in for a very warm night Doodle ?

Gawd. I don't like the sound of that at all, tbh.
Gives a whole new slant to the phrase and one for the pot.
Do you think doodle secreted some of their distress flares down her knickers, perchance?
Are they really that untamed on the IOW? I think I'd better cancel our dirty weekend in Cowes after all

How lovely Doodle, a hot tub. Ergmm, all is good at the Argy ( ? ) you'll be relieved to know...... psst does anyone have the list of instructions doodle left???

Yikes*doodle*. You need to get out of there fast! Give them some of the poteen from the flask I gave you. It is very strong and will knock them out while you run away.

Hello all. It’s me calling via our satellite phone. Bertie and I have been paddling hard for days. We have now reached land and are resting. I’m not sure it’s the IOW as I don’t remember it having a volcano ?. The locals ? have invited us for dinner (at least I think that’s what they said). Whatever it is, there should be enough for all of us as they are heating a very large pot!
I hope everything is ok at the Argy and the till is full when we get back. ? Time to log off, The chief is gesturing for us to come close to the fire ?. They are all carrying spears so I think it must be some kind of fondue ??

It was a Collins Little Gem Happy, wouldn’t clobber a fly. No chance of getting out of here with that. Are you perchance a little ahead of time? Willy’s coming tomorrow night not tonight. Plenty of time for Lemon to be found and sort them out. Or if they turn up at the Argy AGA can ply them with poteen and keep them locked up in the cellar.

Actually....have you seen Lemon???? ?. If she doesn't show up (what with that green fingered young Mellors around to distract her and all) we are going to need some back up. Can you get a pass out from HMP GSM, maybe slip that dictionary you borrowed from the library into your handbag......should work as a substitute brick.
Yous could smoke them out then clobber them over the head with your bag as they emerge. Willy the Weed and ixion could slip into the shed and do the business

Blimey! ?

Probably all 3 GSM, if Lurpack Lil and Big Bertha have any sense they'll scarper as soon as they see Lemon. Have you seen her ????

That’ll be one of the Potting Shed Three dealt with then.

I have been many things ixion, most unmentionable top secret, but a gardener ?, my weeds are a rampant triumph.

ooh lemon.....the sight of you in that outfit may well finish Lord L off anyway.

Bloody big weed Happyme.
AreWere you ever a gardener??‍♀️

Well, he won't be fit for anything else, that's for sure.
What about the handing over of the vegetation on Sunday? We have to get the money back for the till prontissimo

Hope Willy doesn't mistake you for a weed ixion. Think you should take some back up

Yes, well, ixion we’re all #up4it....Why d’ya think I’m wearing my pvc mini skirt and fishnets?
Two night with Lurpak Lil may finish off poor old Lord L, am feeling sorry for him now, shall we let him out tomorrow?

Cushty?

Right, if Lord L, Lurpak Lil and Big Bertha can be extracted from the shed (offers of free poteen perhaps?) Willy the Weed will give you the dosh in exchange for the vegetation.

#up4it (am learning yoof speak).

Just tell me again, who's inside, what are we trying to capture?
We need Lurpal Lil back smartish for the Bar and there have been rumblings of -er- discontent from the Chippie for her performance, or lack of. I want everything to be just so when doodle gets back?
Who's my beau I'm to liaise with?

I have adjusted my outfit and given it a good wash through. Half the problem seems to be passing wildlife mistaking me for a bush - I'm that authentic.

I would also like to stress that, in future, I shall only be available for winter stakeouts. It's bluddy hot in this get-up.
Thanks x

10.30pm Sunday at the shed ixion?

Oops sorry lemon, please apologise to old Dodders and his old cronies....an easy mistake to make.....dressed like that and all. What were they doing in that field anyways, burying something???

OK, I’ll find out about times and let you know. I expect ixion would prefer it to be dark, bit difficult getting round in that garb in daylight. ixion I was thinking, if you’re handy with a needle perhaps a slight adjustment to your outfit involving press studs??? Hope it’s dried out by now ?

Good idea GSM. Hope ixion is ok with that. She has had her fair share of getting rid of 'stuff'.

Right AGA, nothing on the premises then. What about my friend here asking his contact to meet ixion in her brilliant disguise at the potting shed, cash in hand, and take them away? No trail back to the Argy.