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Estranged from adult children

(8 Posts)
Wendy1959 Sun 04-Jul-21 09:27:24

I have 4 adult children I have a difficult relationship with one of them and although we have tried to work at making amends it seems more distant then ever. Anyway, as the years have passed my other children feel under pressure to side with their sister to keep the peace and not upset her, I feel totally abandoned – I have tried explaining to the other 3 children how I feel only to be told I’m being silly, and they love me. I never get invited to family functions as it would upset my daughter and spend holiday time alone. I do try and keep myself busy but at times feel very lonely I do not have any close friends as I’m quite awkward and really don’t know how to make friends with people anymore. It really hit me when I came out of hospital last month after having major surgery when my children although they text me didn’t come to see me, I had to rely on a neighbor for help. Please can someone advise what I’m doing wrong.

Chardy Sun 04-Jul-21 09:29:17

So sorry that you feel so isolated x

Greta8 Sun 04-Jul-21 09:49:50

You're not doing anything wrong, I'm sure. Relationships with adult children can be a minefield. If years have passed, this behaviour has probably become ingrained amongst them all. Would it be worth extending an invitation to all of them for dinner? And explain to them all once again how you feel. It's a shame your other children have dismissed your feelings as you being silly, it must be very sad for you not to see them. Our children do have busy lives but that's no excuse for them not seeing you. I hope you can maybe try extending the olive branch once more with a better result.

Redhead56 Sun 04-Jul-21 10:04:27

Did you respond to the texts that you did receive to engage a conversation? That could be a start and say it would be nice to see them if only for a brief visit.. it’s worth a try. I hope you are well after your surgery and looking after yourself ?

Soozikinzi Sun 04-Jul-21 11:38:06

I do know exactly how you feel there is a group on here for estrangement. It seems a lot more common nowadays I don’t exactly know why . We also have one son who is estranged and seems to poison the memories of the others who we do get along with . If you go on the estrangement group you will find lots of wise advice on there . I’m afraid I can’t help much except to empathise. Just hope you can rebuild some kind of relationship with your AC .

DiscoDancer1975 Sun 04-Jul-21 11:52:36

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You sound as if you’re on your own? Husband/ partner?
Could you possibly go back to how it all started, and try to start again with your daughter?
I don’t understand the stance of the other three. Perhaps you could try to talk to each of them individually, and work from there. Your other children say they love you and you are being silly. Therefore, maybe they could suggest a way forward.
Are they all busy with lives/ families? Do you have grandchildren?
We were estranged from one daughter for about 18 months. Like you, we have four children. In our case, the other three acknowledged her wrongdoing, and I think it was because of this, we were able to reunite. I also had my husband’s support.
As suggested, there is an estrangement forum on here. I’m sure you’d get loads of help, and also the chance to meet up, and meet new people.
Take care.

Ro60 Sun 04-Jul-21 12:14:39

I agree with greta8 - invite them over. We've got out of the habit of entertaining. Ditto with holidays instead of tagging along with them, suggest one?
Even just for a cup of tea but set a time & date. They might think you're so busy - putting a brave face on things - as we do.

Hope you continue to recover from your surgery.?

sodapop Sun 04-Jul-21 13:00:58

I think an invitation for tea & cake, nothing too strenuous and only needs a short time. As Greta said its worth trying to extend the olive branch
I hope things work out for you and you have a good recovery.