Karen is my Name

Hi again Oriel.
I think you have been great. You have raised awareness to (I am surprised to say) to many on here that either do not know or have no idea how bad the use of Karen as a pejorative is. You have also explained what we women named Karen have to deal with and how it can effect our life.
I do not go searching for it but I use the internet quite a lot so yes I see it all the time. I even have seen it on my local village internet group (in Wales) and when I asked them not to use Karen in that way I got so much abuse I felt I had to take myself off the group which I found really sad as all I had asked was not to use my name. It was a talk about not wearing face masks and Karens wouldn’t wear them.
I don’t think we will stop people using it and that it will run for much longer but hopefully we can raise awareness as to just how hurtful it is to women named Karen.

Oriel I was going to answer your last post but to be honest I just think you are being over sensitive .

Oh hahaha I missed the irony of calling the manager Now Im laughing!

People also used to abuse people for the type of car they drove, as if it summed them up. People have always bullied or shamed others. Unfortunately it is an ugly and disappointing part of human nature. If someone is derogatory I would try to think a comeback or I would cut them out of my life if possible. My therapist says " you cant change other people, only the way you deal with them"

Please don’t think we understand because we are not called Karen it’s because we have seen it before and nothing will change

But I am, and although I am aware of the meme -and yes it can be hurtful- I don’t encounter it in my everyday life and certainly don’t let it get to me .
However when I suggested as such I got short shrift from OP.
Made me wonder why.

Barmeyoldbat

Oriel, the name Tracey use to be the same. If you were called Tracey you were viewed as a certain person, how about being a Kevin, I doubt any baby was given the name Kevin for a few years. And Sharon, white high heels and no brain that was how they were viewed all equally bad and hurtful as Karen. Please don’t think we understand because we are not called Karen it’s because we have seen it before and nothing will change.

Hi Barmey

I do understand the Tracey/Sharon/Kevin thing but it was fairly lighthearted the Karen meme is vile and hateful.

I'm from London and got the 'Essex Girl' thing... it was a laugh - being called Karen was not.

OnwardandUpward

You do sound really angry about this Oriel. Yes, my name was used against me all through school. This is immature stuff and I know it hurts, but I am in therapy.

No I am not saying Karen is your personality. I've had it used on me as well and it stinks, but I'm saying that if it's used in the circles you're in and those people have not adapted to be kind and you have had to change your name as a result, then yes every time they use the name Karen they know what they are doing and its them with the problem. If it is your work you should complain to the manager because you will always answer to your birth name even if you changed it. I respond to different names (different people call me different things because I use a nickname)

Hi Onward,

I'm not angry... far from it. I'm finding this therapeutic in that it is crystallizing my thoughts and confirming in myself that I made the right decision to change my name.

I think we're talking at cross purposes to some extent. I wasn't suggesting it was you who was saying Karen is my personality. I was conveying how the meme has coloured people's perceptions of those named Karen.

I'm not saying that the circles I mix in are using the Karen meme... far from it. They abhor its use. I am saying that they know of the meme.

I had to laugh when I read in your comment If it is your work you should complain to the manager. That is exactly what anyone called Karen would do!

Oriel
To diminish what you are saying certainly wasn’t my intention. Just trying to point out that not all Karen’s are so affected. She’s perfectly aware of the Stuff online, and doesn’t take the slightest bit of notice of it.
In answer to your question, we differ, not because I underestimate your feelings, but because I don’t think I would let it affect me. Of course I can’t be certain about that, because I’m not called Karen, but I know I wouldn’t change my name, it’s who I am for better or worse.

Oriel, the name Tracey use to be the same. If you were called Tracey you were viewed as a certain person, how about being a Kevin, I doubt any baby was given the name Kevin for a few years. And Sharon, white high heels and no brain that was how they were viewed all equally bad and hurtful as Karen. Please don’t think we understand because we are not called Karen it’s because we have seen it before and nothing will change.

And if anyone called me a 'Karen', they'd be given very short shrift indeed

But then you'd be accused of behaving like a Karen. That's the whole point.....

You do sound really angry about this Oriel. Yes, my name was used against me all through school. This is immature stuff and I know it hurts, but I am in therapy.

No I am not saying Karen is your personality. I've had it used on me as well and it stinks, but I'm saying that if it's used in the circles you're in and those people have not adapted to be kind and you have had to change your name as a result, then yes every time they use the name Karen they know what they are doing and its them with the problem. If it is your work you should complain to the manager because you will always answer to your birth name even if you changed it. I respond to different names (different people call me different things because I use a nickname)

Blondiescot

Oriel, I'm perfectly capable of standing up for myself on the occasions when I do need to complain about something. And if anyone called me a 'Karen', they'd be given very short shrift indeed! The point I'm making is that you can't do anything about how other people view you - whether that is about your name or something else - the only thing you can control is how you react to it.

The point is that people will probably never say anything like that to your face. You will never be given the opportunity to defend your position. You can't react to something as nebulous as a meme.

I do know that the name Karen has so many negative connotations people do judge. Of course most, if not all, of the people labelled Karen aren't actually called by the name. So you see someone behaving in a problematic way... call her Karen. It's so easy!

The problem for people actually named Karen is that some people are not viewing them by their personality or their behaviour. Because of the negative associations with the name they will have already formed a negative bias toward that person through the lense of the Karen meme.

I did take control in the end... I changed my name as the meme is far too big to take on. I just hoped by starting this thread that it would alert folk to what is happening. If you doubt what I am saying just google the name Karen.

I agree the use of the name Karen as a pejorative is cruel. I also get enraged when people use the lazy and outdated stereotype ‘blue rinse brigade’ to refer to even older women. Both are misogynistic and unkind.

Barmeyoldbat

I am perfectly aware of what the generator was trying to do, it was just an observation, I wondered if it didn’t re-act to certain names. For the life of me I still can’t see what all the fuss is about, it is just another imported trend that will go with time, in fact you rarely hear it used except in certain circles and probably age groups.

OK, I thought you hadn't understood what the purpose of the generator was. I didn't realise you'd used it.

You say that you can't understand what the fuss is about... the links I've provided will give you an understanding of what is happening.

I'm 66 years old and I mix with many age groups. For example my 93 year old father in law had heard of the meme as had my grandchildren below the age of 10. So that's a massive age range. As for social circles, I have a wide range of friends from different backgrounds. It is there but obviously not in your social circle.

Oriel, I'm perfectly capable of standing up for myself on the occasions when I do need to complain about something. And if anyone called me a 'Karen', they'd be given very short shrift indeed! The point I'm making is that you can't do anything about how other people view you - whether that is about your name or something else - the only thing you can control is how you react to it.

This thread is truly shocking.
I had heard of ‘Karen’ only fleetingly from a thread on Mumsnet but had no idea of the extent of it as my social media use is limited.

I must go around with my head in the sand as I have never heard or seen this anywhere.
I put my name into the generator and it was horrible, my sympathies to you Oriel

I’m going to ask my 2 young sons (24&26) about it for their views .

Sara1954

Oriel
I too admire your patience, I don’t necessarily understand where you are coming from, there we must agree to differ.
But I’m sure you have brought our attention to a lot of stuff we were probably unaware of.

Thanks for the patience admiration!

I don't know why you don't understand where I coming from. What more can I say to explain. I've posted so many times trying to answer questions from folk and give illustrations of what I'm talking about.

You say you don't understand where I'm coming from and that your view differs. Can I ask why?

The whole point of my thread was to see if anyone here had felt it necessary to change their name. I came to Gransnet because there are more likely to be people named Karen by virtue of their age. I also wanted to flag up what is going on. Which you say I've done (thank you).

I have given my own personal account of what has happened to me because of a meme I have no control over. There are many, many women who have suffered in the UK, US and, to some extent, other countries. Is it so hard to feel empathy for your fellow women who are being abused?

I am perfectly aware of what the generator was trying to do, it was just an observation, I wondered if it didn’t re-act to certain names. For the life of me I still can’t see what all the fuss is about, it is just another imported trend that will go with time, in fact you rarely hear it used except in certain circles and probably age groups.

Sara1954

Oriel
I’m sorry you find it everywhere, I am aware of it, but can’t remember the last time I came across it.
I asked one of my Karen’s yesterday if she was aware that Karen’s are actually changing their names. and she said “whoever told you that rubbish?”

Why did you post that? Are you trying to diminish what I am saying?

Your friend thinks it rubbish... fine, I can only assume she hasn't looked on the internet lately.

OnwardandUpward

You could say the same about Sharon, Tracey , Kevin and certain names in England, though this was before the internet.

The thing is if you still move in the same circles as you did before everyone will still know you are Karen. If it bothers you that much then I don't see that a name change will help. Therapy might though.

No, you can't say the same thing about Sharon, Tracey, Kevin, etc. They were all used fairly lightheartedly. The Karen meme is hateful and vile.

Of course everyone in my circle know that I was called Karen. Are you saying that being called Karen makes me what the Karen meme purports as if my name defines my character?

They also know that that I don't feel inferior. They admire me for changing my name... I didn't just endure it, I did something about it.

Oriel
I’m sorry you find it everywhere, I am aware of it, but can’t remember the last time I came across it.
I asked one of my Karen’s yesterday if she was aware that Karen’s are actually changing their names. and she said “whoever told you that rubbish?”

Blondiescot

MawBe

Whether you are a Sharon, Tracey, Barbie, Hyacinth or Karen
“ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent ."

Eleanor Roosevelt

Try it.

This! You might not be able to change the use of the 'Karen' meme/slur, but you can change your reaction to it. I used the name generator thing - didn't have the slightest effect on me at all. Rise above, reclaim the name as your own. It will all blow over sometime soon and another name will become the target.

The Roosevelt quote relates to feeling inferior. I don't feel inferior but I do object to my name being used as a slur.

Seeing as how the meme has been going now since at least 2011 some say 2004 it isn't going away, quite the opposite in fact it is growing.

If you read this thread you'll see that a teacher not only changed her name but also her job because of abuse she received from staff and teenaged pupils.

It's not something you can rise above because you'll rarely, if ever, have someone confront you with it in person. It is more a case of realising how it colours people's view of you. Heaven forbid you might need to complain!

You could say the same about Sharon, Tracey , Kevin and certain names in England, though this was before the internet.

The thing is if you still move in the same circles as you did before everyone will still know you are Karen. If it bothers you that much then I don't see that a name change will help. Therapy might though.

Sara1954

If it’s prevalent in many circles, avoid those circles

No-one can ignore the circles they move in unless they stop living!

It is everywhere

Sara1954

I think I get the generator thing, I’m guessing it’s putting you into Karen’s shoes.
What I don’t understand, and I’m sure Oriel can enlighten me, is, yes it’s offensive, it’s vile, it’s disgusting, so why go searching for it. Ignore it.

Hi Sara

Yes, you're exactly right about the generator.

In answer to your question... I don't go searching for it, I see it almost every day.

When my stepson told me about the meme out of concern I googled it. What I saw shocked me to the core. I was awake the whole night and by 6am I was in tears. I hoped it would all die down and waited a year before realising that it was getting worse and that I needed to change my name.

One of things that has surprised me is how some people haven't heard of it. Clearly we all move in different circles and read and watch different things. That said the fact that the Telegraph (centre to right wing), The Guardian (Centre to left wing), the BBC, etc, etc in the UK and numerous outlets in the US have all had features relating to its use. From this you can gauge that it is mainstream.

Here's a link to an article in the Telegraph from 2020

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/07/07/karen-meme-proof-elitism-racism-sexism-now-hallmarks-woke-crowd/

MawBe

Whether you are a Sharon, Tracey, Barbie, Hyacinth or Karen
“ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent ."

Eleanor Roosevelt

Try it.

This! You might not be able to change the use of the 'Karen' meme/slur, but you can change your reaction to it. I used the name generator thing - didn't have the slightest effect on me at all. Rise above, reclaim the name as your own. It will all blow over sometime soon and another name will become the target.